About Me

Why I Cried

Those of you who follow me on Twitter already know that this entry was coming. I twittered more yesterday than I probably have in the last three months combined, indicating that maybe Kim has a lot to say.

But if you don’t follow me on Twitter – let me give you a summary of my day yesterday.

I went to work, but had to leave early to tend to my children. I was in that haze of having one kid who doesn’t feel well and another who will NOT STOP TALKING. Until after lunch, when I was finally able to get them either to sleep, or in the room for quiet time. I sat at the computer to see what was going on in the world and was greeted with tons of local coverage of all of the insane lines at Chick-Fil-A. I then basically spent the next 8 hours in various levels of emotional distress ranging from anxious hopelessness to tear-filled sadness.

At one point last night – as I looked at my Facebook feed and saw people I know proudly eating their Chick-Fil-A sandwiches – I started literally sobbing uncontrollably.

Let me explain something to you in case you haven’t figured it out yet. This is my “deal breaker” issue. This is the one political issue that I will not ever understand the other side of. This is the issue that would keep me from ever getting too close to you as a friend if you disagreed with me.

Let me tell you why:

Because I have close friends and family who are gay. People who I love enough that their happiness effects my happiness. That’s the defining line to me – we probably all know a lot of gay people, right? I mean, surely we do. But in my life they are people who I love so much that their pain over not being able to marry the people they love, causes me pain. This is why it’s such an emotional issue to me. I want you to understand that so that if you disagree with me, you’ll see why I’ll always have to hold you at arm’s length because I can’t get too close to you, let myself love you too much, without hurting the gay friends and family in my life.

This Chicken Is About Freedom Of Speech! Not Gay Rights!

There are many who are insisting these lines of people were just there to support Freedom of Speech. My first argument is: If an outspoken White Supremacist was the CEO of McDonald’s and your city wanted to keep McDonald’s out – would you have shown up in support of his freedom of speech? NO. Because you would be too worried someone would misinterpret that as you agreeing with him.

Secondly – would the exact same crowd be there if the story was reversed? If Dan Cathy gave gobs of money to the Human Rights Campaign and some conservative Mayor said, “Not in my city!” Would the same people show up in solidarity? NO. They would not. There would only be a fraction of those “Free Speech” defenders there.

So – for those of you who support gay marriage but ate at Chick-Fil-A to show your support for the First Amendment? I can’t see your point of view. Because most of those people would NOT be there if Dan Cathy was either a White Supremacist or a Gay Rights Supporter. Most of those people were actually there as a discreet way of showing their support for Dan Cathy’s view on what he calls “Traditional Marriage.” In my city? Seeing those lines first hand? I’d say at least 90% of the people would NOT show up if Dan Cathy had spoken out as being a racist or a gay man. Because in those situations that 90% of people would not want to risk anyone thinking they agreed with him.

I saw those lines yesterday and just saw tons of people who were okay with outsiders assuming they agreed with Dan Cathy. And I find his statements on “Traditional Marriage” so hurtful and against what I believe – that I saw those lines as hundreds of people standing in the way of people I love marrying the people they love.

And I cried. I cried so hard. I actually had to take sleep aids and drink beer last night just to help me sleep because my heart was in so much pain and I felt so hopeless seeing those long lines of people in my community blocking my way. Maybe 10% would also stand with me in my battle for equal rights, but at least 90% of those people would stand IN MY WAY. They would block me from trying get create a world where my kids can marry whomever they want. Where my family could proudly call the person they love their wife; and have it mean the same as when Donnie calls me his Wife. All of those people would not protect the right that I believe is a basic civil liberty – the right to marry the person you love. Regardless of gender or color.

So, maybe you were in the 10% who would stand with me, but that’s not what the other side saw. The other side saw those lines of people and thought, “WE STILL HAVE A CHANCE.” Because some of us fighting for Gay Rights feel like the tide is finally turning in our direction. Courts are declaring DOMA unconstitutional. Gay people can marry in some states. DADT was repealed. We feel like support grows for us every day, but yesterday? The other side started feeling strong too. They are using YOU as ammunition to keep fighting because they are posting pictures of those lines on their Facebook walls and declaring that Americans still believe in “Traditional Values” and have not been swayed.

So, no. That chicken biscuit doesn’t mean you wouldn’t vote to give my gay friends and family their rights. Maybe you would still vote with me, and for that I would be grateful. But your face in that line yesterday is being used to fight against me. And all of those faces in all of those lines yesterday simply broke my heart. I drove by the Chick-Fil-A and I just cried. And I cried off and on again for hours. I sobbed. My heart was broken. My hope was lost.

And if you don’t mind your face being used in the fight against Gay Rights because you don’t believe Gay people should be allowed to marry; or if you proudly bought those chicken tenders to support Dan Cathy’s political views – then please know I will always keep you at arm’s length. Because you are actively fighting against the people I love. The people who I will go to battle for in every way possible until they are allowed to marry who they love because their happiness effects my happiness. And until they can be truly happy being married to their soulmate, and until they have that right to marry protected as much as the freedom of speech – then I will continue to fight. And if you’re not standing next to me, you’re in my way.

I am still very fragile about this, guys. Seriously. Please don’t panic if I disappear for a few days until this all boils over. While people are still talking about it my heart is still breaking and I need to back away from social media before I completely lose my mind.

89 thoughts on “Why I Cried”

  1. I’m sorry this is hurting you so badly. I’ve always felt iffy about eating at Chik-Fil-A because of their “conservative” stance. Usually when people say they support “family values” it’s just a cover for some hateful bullshit, and look! In this instance I was right. Dan Cathy has the right to believe and say whatever hateful shit he wants in the name of “religious freedom” … just like I have the right to call him hateful and narrow-minded. I also have the right to stop giving Chik-Fil-A any more of my money. I hope other people who recognize this shit for what it is will do the same.

    I’m glad I wasn’t on Facebook yesterday if that’s how people were carrying on. I might’ve had to unfriend some folks. I’m also glad I didn’t have to drive past Chik-Fil-A yesterday; seeing throngs of people in line probably would have made me sick.

  2. My views are aligned with yours. Today I feel as if the world is a bad place to live. And I am sad about the damage that happened to so many of my relationships yesterday.

  3. I am hugging you right now. HARD.

    You know we’re on the same side, but I have lots (LOTS) of friends and acquaintances who visited Chick-Fil-A yesterday. Who made an effort to eat breakfast, lunch and dinner there. And when I asked why, these were their answers:

    “It’s about free speech.”

    “Because I love Jesus.”

    “He’s allowed to believe what he wants, and I support that.”

    Not one person seemed to UNDERSTAND that their dollars were going to an organization that SOLELY EXISTS to deny civil rights to a people. And when I said that, not in judgement but in education, they said, “Civil rights?”

    Yes, CIVIL RIGHTS. That fight did not end in the 60s.

    Which is why I was SO ENRAGED with Antoine Dodson showing up. My BFF had her picture taken with him. Not only is he fighting against his own cause (he is openly gay), but in 1950? He wouldn’t have even been served in there.

    I am not judgmental of people who still frequent the restaurant. But folks who waited in line for an hour for some waffle fries to “make a point”? Helped line the pockets of a potential “conversion therapy” session for someone. I hope they know that.

  4. Oh Kim…. You took many words right out of my mouth…yesterday really made me disgusted in so many people I know. You are such a sweet caring person and I am so proud to call you my friend and I stand beside you. I love you!!!

  5. Thanks for posting this! I agree with you and found yesterday to be extremely challenging. The whole situation just makes me sad!

  6. Last night, I was reading your tweets and did not want to respond. 140 characters is unable to accurately portray the “other” side so to speak.

    Like you, I have gay friends and family. They are all amazing people. I love them each dearly. They are funny, hard working, and fiercely loyal.

    I was one of the 10% you mentioned who stood beside you in the fight to allow equal rights for this wonderful group of people. Earlier this year, my state was one of the ones who voted to possibly allow gay marriage. The amendment was voted down heavily and it still isn’t legal where I live.

    This does make me sad.

    On the other hand, while you have discounted the freedom speech side of things I do not feel that is an accurate representation.

    The Cathy’s are a family who runs a business in the United States of America.

    Part of being a business owner (or individual for that matter) in the United States is the freedom to believe, worship, and speak openly about those things are that dear to us.

    I do not understand why this should not apply to CFA. Their beliefs were not a surprise. The media set them up.

    Also, aside from that they run one of the best business models in the United States today. I can get better service at almost any CFA than most any sit down chain restaurant. They treat their employees and their customers better than almost any company around today.

    So, sure vote with your wallet and don’t eat there. I will still eat there because I do believe that although I disagree with them on this one issue I can 100% respect them standing behind their beliefs and not caving to a media ploy to bring them into the limelight.

    It just isn’t all or nothing for me personally. I’m really sorry this has placed you in such emotional distress and please know that I’m not attacking you at all but I did want to share another point of view that does lie somewhere in the middle of it all.

    Hugs to you today!

  7. I do not have a problem with you of the 10% who were there and also support gay marriage. Several of my friends were there too! But here’s my question – you said this:

    ” I will still eat there because I do believe that although I disagree with them on this one issue I can 100% respect them standing behind their beliefs and not caving to a media ploy to bring them into the limelight.”

    And that’s the part I really struggle with. With my friends too – I promise! If he had publicly proclaimed his support for White Supremacist groups, would you still respect that? Is there some stance he could have taken on some issue that you believe so strongly against, that you could “respect them for standing behind their beliefs”? Because I think I would feel better if there was some issue he could have proclaimed support of that would have caused you AND my friends NOT to eat there. Because then I could at least say, “This issue is AS important to me as THAT issue is to you.”

    Does that make sense?

  8. My view is the same as yours exactly and you have written this out of my own heart. I usually can see both sides to a story and agree to disagree on several issues. This on the other hand is too much, I can not in no way understand how someone can support this. I was so heartbroken seeing all the comments and it seems that the so many of my “friends” on facebook are filled with hate. I thought about unfriending them seriously last night, but then thought no… I will sit here and stand my ground and voice my opinion and maybe someone will open up their close mind. I mean really nasty posts that stand for nothing but hate it just made me sick. I thought the world was changing, however slowly, but still changing… then something like this and its like we are taken back years in that change process. Blah.

  9. It does make sense. I am 100% in support of those (like you) for whom this is a deal breaker. You can choose to not eat there. That is fair.

    Recently, I had the opportunity to take a job at a company for which I do not share their beliefs at all. I will not go to work there or in the industry at all. It would not allow me to feel comfortable as a person each day.

    In that same vein though, this is America. One of the benefits to living here is being able to pick and choose what to believe and raise our kids to stand behind the beliefs that are core to who they are. I personally do not wish to live in a country where I, my husband, or my child is not free to support the causes dear to us.

    I just feel like you can disagree with CFA while still respecting the beauty of them being able to hold tightly to the fabric of who they are. This is true for any organization, person, school, etc in America in my opinion.

    Then we as individuals draw the line of those we will support and reason through why we will support them (or not) so we can speak on it if asked as CFA was by the media and as you are in this very post.

    You are a very strong individual raising a strong family. The last thing you would want is for your own kids, husband, family members to be told they are unable to believe something.

    Same goes for CFA in my opinion. One just is not related to the other here for me. I know it is hurting you but I feel like when we untangle the web here there is so much more to it than what the majority is seeing.

  10. I think we agree about him having the right, completely! It’s just that you don’t have as much faith in the system as I do 🙂

    I just put my faith in the constitutional defenders of the world to make sure he continues having the right to say it. The ACLU has already come out and declare their support for Dan Cathy. I see so many people up in arms about his right to say it – and defending it – that I know people will come to his aid. Look at all of them! Lawyers working free of charge to make sure no one blocks his business! He has TONS of support! The First Amendment is very much a protected right and I can’t turn my head without seeing some legal group coming to his defense.

    So – I guess I’m not too worried about that, you know? I think he has plenty of legal support to make sure no one blocks his business because of his beliefs. And I would contribute to THOSE groups, you know? I’d donate to THEM to protect HIS RIGHT. The ACLU is defending him and against Rahm Emmanuel and I’m a card-carrying member of the ACLU!

    So…I put my faith in them.

    But, like I said, It would make me feel better to know that you and my friends had ONE issue that, if the situation were shifted and he was being persecuted for having THAT belief – that you couldn’t bring yourself to spend money there. You know? That you would be like me and say, “I’ll leave it to the experts to defend his right to say that. But I disagree with him so strongly I can’t bring myself to shop there.” Is there something he could have said that would make you just put your faith in the Constitutional Lawyers of the world? Because that’s where I am. I am not denying his right to believe it. I just disagree so strongly that I’m putting my faith in people smarter than me to make sure he can keep saying it.

  11. Have you read this yet: http://www.owldolatrous.com/?p=288

    This is my favorite part:

    ” If I, in turn, don’t mean more to you than a chicken sandwich from Chik-Fil-A–if my life, my quality of life, and my dignity are such afterthoughts to you that you’d not only refuse the boycott, but go out of your way to support someone who was hurting me? if I let this stand, if I don’t stand up to the bullies and if I let my friends egg the bullies on, what does that make me?”

  12. I just want to say how much I appreciate that this conversation between you two has been so civil and well thought-out. There are so many places on the internet where comments from dissenters just dissolve into name-calling and hate-spewing. Kim, I think this speaks volumes about the open, honest and respectful person you are that you have readers who are willing to have an intelligent discussion and debate on the hard issues.

  13. Give the credit to Amber – my instinct is always to start crying and say, “WHY CANT EVERYONE BE JUST LIKE ME?!” Amber is bringing out my rational side. 😉

  14. Like I said, I have done that just not with CFA. There is a certain industry that I just can’t bring myself to morally/ethically work in or support because of the product they produce.

    I think we can agree to disagree on this while our platforms are probably closer together than one would think.

    The only villain I am holding in contempt on this one is the ridiculous behavior of the media. They created this monster and continue to pour gasoline on both sides of the fire.

    Thank you so much for having a productive conversation on this topic. I know there is no easy answer but I at least feel better having explained that not all of the people who aren’t crucifying the Cathy’s are complete bigots. It really is not that cut and dry for me.

    Thank you so much!

  15. And now that I’ve read Stephanie’s comment I’m crying too. Thanks for your post and the great conversation.

    If more people would stop dissolving into name calling fireworks, I think a lot of people would see their views are actually closer together than it appears at first glance.

  16. Just like those of us refusing to spend money at CFA aren’t all against free speech or Dan Cathy’s right to believe what he wants! I just give my money to the ACLU so that they can fight the battles for me! It’s better for my weightloss than delicious chicken biscuits anyway 🙂

  17. I feel that the “free speech” argument is a cloak to hide behind for many. They can say “free speech” without sounding like a bigot. But they can’t say “traditional values” and not sound like a bigot. It feels like a convenient way to hide, and a bit cowardly.

    I 100% feel this post. No one said he couldn’t believe in “traditional marriage”. They just said he was a jerk. And that’s protected under the first amendment, too.

  18. Holy cow, I have never been happier to be on vacation in VT (and basically away from the internet) in my entire life. This whole thing is really distressing. I think I might have to go with a numbered list to organize my thoughts. Lo, they are jumbled.
    Ok, first of all? I am so so so sorry this sucks so much for you. I have a gay best friend and this whole thing is just really screwed up and it makes me so sad. I think I’ve been ignoring something for a long time, though and this has brought it to the forefront, because some people I really like are anti gay marriage and it makes it suck even more. They support something that I find viciously offensive. How do we get around that? I really like them! And yet they have this horrible belief! It sucks. And I totally support their right to believe whatever they want to believe but I don’t support their right to use religion to make laws, and I have a REALLY hard time understanding how DECENT and SMART people think it’s ok to legislate their moral values, but only theirs, in this country, today. I just don’t get it. I get that their church tells them that gay marriage isn’t ok, but I don’t get how everyone can’t see that church isn’t what gets to be in charge in our country.
    However, I actually find the whole free speech argument quite encouraging, because in my opinion when people have no real legitimate legal arguments, they resort to smokescreens and nonsense. Things like “gay marriage threatens traditional marriage” that actually mean nothing and have no legal basis in anything. Nonsense arguments are much easier to defeat than legitimate legal arguments, so I am somewhat encouraged by the whole free speech diversion.

    I also think it might suck worse for you because I think this is geographically skewed. When you hear things like “The tide has turned, 55% of Americans support gay marriage” I think they must mean something like 90% of Californians and like, 10% of Southerners. We Californians are just not turning out to eat chicken sandwiches against the gays, as least not as far as I can see.
    It also sucks big time because at least so far, there’s no pro gay chicken sandwich you can eat. So it’s a big anti gay show but there’s no big opposing view point show that we can put on and it makes things seem really distorted. Someone please go find me a big gay chicken sandwich and I will go eat the shit out it.
    The other good news is that you can eat at chick fil a until you have a coronary embolism and it isn’t voting, right? So this has no legal basis in anything. Cold comfort, I know, but at least there’s that. If they want to waste their money supporting something that will be voted down eventually because it’s CLEARLY not legal and violates the separation of church and state, then go for it.
    At the very least I have been trying to find a way to comment on your blog which I have read and ADORED for years (since before you had Wesley) and I never could figure out a way to do it without sounding like a strange creep. Which I probably still do but oh well. Hi! I am Elizabeth and I love you in a non creepy non stalkery way even though I have been lurking on your blog for six years!
    Finally, I think you might need an Eat More Kale t shirt.

  19. 🙂 Yes. In turn, I can vote for gay rights and donate my money there while also eating the chicken biscuits you aren’t.

    Thank you so much for this conversation! I wish every comment section on this topic was this productive in helping people understanding each other.

  20. I forgot. On Tuesday, when my kids requested Chick-fil-a for lunch, I forgot about the controversy.

    We arrived at the Whitesburg store (where many of my friends worked in high school) and it. Was. CRAZY. But I had promised, and I knew the opportunity it would give me, so we ate there.

    My kids are very perceptive and knew something was up. I took advantage of the situation and centered the entire lunch conversation around what Mr. Cathy said, what we believe, etc. It turned into a really good thing.

    But on the way out I thought of my gay friends and how they’d feel if they saw me leaving there. Luckily, it was Tuesday and not yesterday, but still. I felt really, REALLY bad.

    So after that I decided to look up Winshape’s 990 on Guidestar, which is where anyone can sign up for an account and look at the 990 of existing non-profits.

    Looks like they gave $1,000 to the Family Research Council, which had an income of a little over $12,000,000 in 2010.

    Chick-fil-a spent 400 times that on their bowl game in Atlanta.

    I’m not saying I agree or disagree, but that gave me a little perspective on the whole thing. He’s a Christian man, and has always been open about it, so these comments should be no surprise. The contributions have been out in the open for years, and Winshape doesn’t get one cent of taxpayer dollars that I can see, and OBVIOUSLY football is more important than the Family Research Council to them.

    Do I agree with any of it? No. Do I believe it’s been blown of the water by social media? Yes. Do I think the conservative right wing has seized an opportunity to widen the dividing line, politically? Absolutely.

  21. I don’t agree with Football either. 😉

    Yeah. I wrote a few days ago that I’m not eating there – not because of the funding because there are so many other factors there – but because I don’t want anyone to misinterpret my being there as my support of his words. I’m sure there are other businesses that give more to anti-Gay groups that I don’t even know about but shop there anyway. I guess, for me, as soon as it becomes a widely-known token for the other side? Regardless of how valid it is? Then I have to stop shopping there just so that I don’t run the risk of being put on that side of the argument by people who may see me.

    Which sucks because MAN I love their food.

    For the record, I haven’t eaten there in ages anyway because so many of my gay friends/family would have been offended to know I ate there. 🙂 I’m nothing if not a gay-rights lemming.

    OOH. Gay Rights Lemming is totally my super-hero name!

  22. Kim, I agree with you and was very disappointed in what I heard yesterday. I will adamantly defend anyone’s freedom of speech, but that in no way means that I agree with what they might say. While I strongly disagree with Dan Cathy, I think the media put him in a difficult spot and he responded truthfully. I’m sad that his remarks set off yesterday’s flurry of activity and even sadder that not everyone has equal rights to marry. My family responded by eating a rainbow cookie cake at home and celebrating love.

  23. YES. THIS. I absolutely do not see this as a free speech issue. I think people are comfortable with calling it a free speech issue because they would rather couch their participation in those terms than admit to being a bigot.

    Like you said, Zoot, would this still be simply a “free speech” issue if the cause Cathy wanted to support were something like white supremacy? Or, oh, I don’t know, sex slave trafficking? Or dog fighting? Doubtful.

    Anyway, I loved this post. You write about it with such clear feeling and heart. I’m sorry you’re hurting.

  24. I actually thought about your tweets SO much last night. And do you know what I realized, this is actually a bigger commentary on America’s obsession with fast food/convenience food than it is about civil rights. It’s about civil rights TOO but follow me for a minute:

    If this were a national clothing store in question, making a huge exclusive statement like that, we would probably still be talking about it, but would we see a HUGE demonstration of “support”? I don’t think so. Clothes are basically pricey, and you have to go into a store and shop around and try things on and find something you like.

    How easy is it to go through a drive through, or stand in line for 20 minutes. I know people waited in line for an hour for a sandwich, but being a food obsessed culture, that happens at some restaurants on a daily basis. (Example: Pink’s Hot Dogs in LA). Do we as a nation (or particularly the south) feel as passionately about our retail as we do our fast food? NO. We do not. You can deny the civil rights of others, but DON’T mess with my fast food!

    I am CONVINCED that people who I KNOW would otherwise be boycotting if it were ANY other type of establishment have turned a blind eye because they eat at this restaurant so often that it would seriously mean a lifestyle change to boycott it.

    So, when someone says, “I love gay people, but this is a first amendment issue” or “I have no problem with gay people, but it’s JUST a chicken place!” I interpret that as “I’m addicted to fast food, and I don’t know how to take it out of my life. It’s an inconvenience for me, and I don’t have time, money, or patience, to be inconvenienced, even at the risk of civll rights for others”. I personally will drive OUT of my way to avoid CFA from now on, but, I feel that the root of the issue is maybe not so much in our hearts, but truly in our stomachs.

  25. Kim,
    I am so, so sorry this has been such a trying time for you. I have know people who are gay, and have some extended family members who are so. This whole issue has caused such inner turmoil in me. I have been brought up to believe in the traditional values of marraige, but I certainly believe that we each have the right to love and live whoever we are meant to. What kind of God would we have if He condemned us for loving someone else? Anyone else?
    The disscussion above between you and Amber was very enlightened and well said. It is so, so hard, for me to put my thoughts (to even figure out what my thoughts are!) about this and other related issues into words. Your being such an awesome writer helps me tremendously. Thank you for being such an awesome, strong person, and for your ability to share your thoughts with us.
    Love you my friend!

  26. Since we’ve moved from a super liberal town to a super conservative town (30 minutes from Focus on Family HQ, WOO!), we’re really struggled to find our people. The lines circling the CFA in our town yesterday literally prompted a “You know, maybe we should seriously consider moving” conversation between my husband and I.

    Like you, this is my make or break issue. CFA’s CEO can say and believe anything he wants, that’s not my business, but what he is saying is so offensive to me that I am going to chose to not spend my money there. Full stop. To see what he is saying celebrated in my community – not just in words but with people’s money – no. That’s not a community I want to live in, not a community I want to raise kids in.

    In the coming days and weeks this will die down, and my friends in town who have been all over Facebook in support of CFA will stop posting about this we’;ll all go back to more common ground. But it’s changed the lens of how I see this community, and while I appreciate the teachable moment in my own household, it makes me so, so sad.

  27. I have so many thoughts that I haven’t even had time to formulate properly, but I’m going to try. First of all, Kim, I think you got it exactly right when you said this isn’t so much about the freedom of speech issue, but about not wanting to give any impression that you are supporting what Mr. Cathy supports. That has been exactly how I feel about it. He can support whatever he wants (although you’re right…it would never fly if he were supporting something less “acceptable” like white supremacy. The fact that this is considered acceptable prejudice is a whole other problem), but I don’t want to give the impression that I support what he supports. And therefore I will not be eating Chic-Fil-A anymore. Which is really sad, since our baseball team sells chicken biscuits at break once a week at school and it’s so convenient and delicious. But I will stand strong.

    The second point that frustrates me so much is that the church I work for seems to be advocating separation of church and state so strongly when they want there to be a separation about what their health insurance has to cover (they don’t want to pay for birth control, sterilization, IVF, etc. Fine, I know what I signed up for when I started working there). However, they don’t see that the same argument should be made to separate church and state for marriage. It has bothered me forever, even just from a logical standpoint, let alone personal feelings, that the church doesn’t care if you get married drunk in Vegas. They will still recognize that marriage as legal, even if they don’t see it as sacramental in the church. Why can’t they have the same respect for the separation of church and state with gay marriage? Don’t recognize it in the church…fine. Most gay people that I’ve known well already have major issues with the church anyway. But don’t take away their civil right to marry legally. Especially since we’re talking about loving, committed, stable couples who only want to legitimize the relationships they’ve had for so long. And don’t even get me started on how that is a threat to heterosexual couples. I don’t even understand that argument at all.

    Okay. Probably none of that makes any sense. And I’m sure it’s way too long for a comment. Feel free to edit as needed. 🙂 Love you, Kim!

  28. P.S. I’m also boycotting Mayfield ice cream, milk, etc. because Scottie Mayfield is now running for office as a conservative. Sorry, Scottie, you should have stuck with dairy and you’d have had my support. And we consume a lot of dairy in my household! Why can’t someone who produces something delicious ever be on our side?!

  29. I’m not sure which return you are pulling information from but I remembered reading reports of much high dollars. I only spent about 10 minutes on guide start. They actually gave a lot more than $1K. to organizations that are against gay marriage in 2010 (most recent year).

    On page 29, there is a the detail list of organization to which Winshape has granted funds to in 2010.

    Of $3.8 million, $1.2 (31%) was granted to Marriage and Family Foundation and $37K to National Institute of Marriage and $1K to the Family Research Council. (This was my cursory glance of the list. There were a lot of Christian organizations that I didn’t google.) This was based on the 2010 return. http://www.guidestar.org/FinDocuments/2010/581/595/2010-581595471-07c2a7b1-F.pdf

    While I believe people have the right to free speech, I don’t have to support their actions with my dollars. (Not my tax dollars but my discretionary income.) My actions speak loudly too and together with others who are for the rights of ALL to marry, they can send a powerful message.

  30. Ok, so, I rescind my former statement. I had only heard about Family Research Council as the “evil” organization, but my best friend pointed out to me that the Marriage & Family Foundation is the one everyone is up in arms about. Looked it up and CFA gave them $1.1 MILLION dollars last year.

    So. I have some (more) thinking to do about the whole thing.

  31. I love this whole blog post, the civilized discussion that followed, and that most people I know feel as you do, Zoot. But this comment? “Someone please go find me a big gay chicken sandwich and I will go eat the shit out it.” made my day SO MUCH. Actually, your whole comment was awesome, Elizabeth.

  32. OOOH. I never thought about issue that it’s easier to debate the whole “free speech” thing as a diversion. It is encouraging 😉

    And I agree 100% about the Southern thing. And I surround myself with very progressive thinking people so I forget that my microcosm is not representative of the city/state as a whole! I told E last night, “I want you to get rich and move somewhere more gay friendly so I have an excuse to move.” Which says a lot because I love my town!!!


    Thanks for popping in the comment section! Feel free to come back any time 🙂

  33. See? It’s easier to just say, “I don’t want to eat there because it’s embarrassing.” It requires less research. “Activism for the lazy!” That’s my motto.

  34. I believe in gay marriage and I have and will in the future donate more money to the HRC….. that said, I do feel like the media is rallying us and calling us to go out boycott and make a stand and I feel like its making EVERYONE upset. Who is winning right now??? instead of bringing a chicken sandwich in the fight and rallying my family (who rarely if ever eats out anyway), I try to educate the older folks into understanding that being a homosexual is NOT a choice, I try to point out all of the 1000+ rights they are being denied that heterosexual partners take for granted, just because their DNA is preprogrammed to be attracted to members of the same sex. I have conversations, I feel like I have helped to change hearts…. and then I feel like it could all go to shit because some of our political leaders want to ban chick-fil-a from building in our cities, and all of the sudden some of those people who I have talked with are angry because those politicians , no they dont want us to have the right to speak with our wallets, NO they want to take that right away and we are making a FAST FOOD RESTAURANT the battle line?? I have said this before, I am Catholic and I hate the views that my church takes on homosexuality, but its not something that is preached for or against at the pulpit and I still believe that my being in the church makes me a better person. I believe those long lines (of which I was not a part of) was because people feel like the CHURCH is being attacked. If we all start boycotting every single company whose owners are of certain religious faiths, I think things are going to get worse and not better. It makes me really sad, but because I am Catholic will I be painted by the same brush, even though I FOR gay rights??? I get that you have faith in the system that will defend Cathy and allow Chick-fil-A to build their restaurants in cities like Boston and Chicago, and honestly I do too… but I have NEVER thought the right way to fight for equal rights is by denying someone else’s. I believe there were GOOD people in those line, people who want the freedom to not only go to church, but to not be worried about if anyone at “work” finds out that they do, people who give their time/talent and money to making their communities a better place, only to see “one of their own” made the villain. Yesterday made me sad too, because we are just becoming a more divided nation, where churches feel targeted and well meaning politicians think they are helping but may in fact be hurting the cause?

  35. Jeez. You have so many valid points, there. Because it is REALLY REALLY REALLY hard for me NOT to eat CFA. I’ll be honest, this morning I thought, “DAMN. I want a CFA biscuit so bad right now!”

    So, yeah. If I was even partly supportive of the “Free Speech” argument, I’d be all over it. Not so much with retail stores.

    Although – as a view of our culture – I’m not sure if this angle makes me feel better or worse 😉

  36. Katie – your honesty and your struggle is what keeps me from just losing all hope. I have to believe in a world where my family can love who they want and your words help me have faith in that because you’re so honest about them. Thank you, I’m proud to call you my friend.

    Love you!

  37. I love my town with all of my heart and even I said at one point yesterday, staring at the cops who were having to direct traffic to the CFA, “We need to move.”

  38. SERIOUSLY. Why aren’t there more chicken-frying, sweet-tea brewing, ice-cream making gay supporters?

  39. You know it makes perfect sense to me because I think we still partially share a brain connection left over from high school 😉

    The separation of church and state argument is so often used when it protects church views but ignored at other time. It always frustrates me. You have much more patience than I do. You often try to understand the church and are a much better spokesperson because of it. I’m just all fingers-in-my-ears calling them stupid-faces.

  40. Yes. That’s why I came out against the Mayor’s trying to ban CFA last week. I don’t agree with that and it puts up a wall between the two sides and now they’re just focused on “freedom of speech” instead of – like you said – the fact that homosexuality is not a choice. It’s distracting from the big picture. *sigh*

  41. One of the best posts, and threads, ever. At first I thought, “Well there’s no CFA anywhere near me so I’m not going to think about it too hard.” And then I beat myself up for that cop-out. After a lot of thought I decided to scratch CFA off of my list of businesses to support. Partly because of the core issue of their stance on gay rights, but I’ll admit, mostly I would be afraid to be seen for fear someone would think I was “on their side.” I care about the issue, and I care about people’s opinions of me as reflected in/by the issue. Thank you, thank you, thank you for posting, and the caring, intelligent discussion that followed. It was so nice to see so many angles put forth and respected.

  42. This was so thoughtful and emotional. I live nowhere near a Chick-Fil-A, so I didn’t have to see the lines. I have many gay friends. Many of them are married. Many of them have children. Some of them live in states that do not recognize their marriages or relationships. They live in fear every day of their families being taken away from them. Can you imagine living like that? I am 100% in support of free speech and the First Amendment. You can also put your money wherever you want it to go. One thing out of this that I will never understand (other than the overt discrimination against gay people) is how “Christian” has come to equal “anti-gay.” I don’t there could be anything less Christian than to hate and discriminate against other human beings.

  43. thats what is so infuriating right now, I feel like instead of asking our friends and families to donate and vote to help the cause we are wrapped up in where people eat and who sees who where… I honestly feel like we have an amazing opportunity to set good examples and educate (my kids will never have to change their parents minds on this topic like I had to)….. just like I do not deny the rights of the AWFUL westboro baptist “church” to picket and show their hateful signs, I also go and peacefully stand along the highway so that some poor family can bury their dead in peace without having to look at them….I think there is a right way and a wrong way to get people’s hearts changed, for every bad example we thrust into the media, wouldnt it be awesome if we could somehow get real people’s stories out there, let people see what this discrimination causes and who it hurts?? Heck I cant even watch the olympics without hearing every athlete’s heartwarming story…and that is a good thing, it gets me to CARE about them more. I still think we can change minds and make a difference, I just wish we quit drawing battle lines and started telling stories instead

  44. Yes. I’ve been so pleased lately with so many Christian Community efforts to re-define themselves. There’s even a Gay Alliance on the campus of BYU now! I’m hoping in 10 years anti-gay will just mean that – and Christianity will stand on it’s own with the foundation to love and support everyone, now matter what their gender, color or sexual identity!

  45. Amen sista. I have never/will never understand the brouhaha over gay rights in general. Do people really think that at the pearly gates God is going to say WOW good job for not loving ALL OF HUMANITY!?

    People who are gay are humans, living and breathing, and usually quite lovely. Also, they generally do not judge those of us who are not straight for being straight! We ought to value the good things in a human, no matter your religion or right to freedom of speech or apparently the right to eat a chicken sandwich.

    It is so sad that so much of society is hiding behind freedom of speak and CHICKEN FTLOG to say they do not like some part of OUR society due to their sexual preference. Bah.

  46. More and more when you write it’s parallel to something I have just said, or written on Facebook or Twitter. I’m right there with you, Kim, many of us are. We’ll all get through this, I have to believe that. I am certain that other people fighting for civil liberties have felt this way – but there will come a time where this country will be ashamed for what we have denied our fellow humanbeings. Because that’s what this all boils down to — we are all people, and we all should have the right to love and be loved. (And work, and fight for our country, and go to school…)

  47. I’ve explained it to those who matter most like this: believing in something I disagree with is fine. GOD BLESS AMERICA. I will defend free speech to the death.

    Action BASED on those beliefs is a step further, however. And while we can respectfully disagree in debate, I will not personally give you my hard-earned dollars to help further your cause, which is a cause I fundamentally take issue with.

    I do not dislike Mr. Cathy because of his religion. Again, CFA does LOTS AND LOTS OF GOOD. They do! I’ve seen it personally. I do not dislike Mr. Cathy because he stood for his beliefs. I love our country most because we can each have our soapbox and not be persecuted for it. I dislike the organizations that CFA contributes to. That is the line they cross, the line that makes me no longer patronize their establishment.

    My boys are young enough yet that either of them could come to me in five or ten years and confess that they are gay. I cannot, in good conscience, sit idly by as we continue to deny rights to those I love.

  48. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. I let myself get beyond angry yesterday, and I went on a Facebook de-friending frenzy. I deleted people who, quite honestly, I knew felt the way they did long before they posted pictures with their chicken lunch. But taking a picture chomping on a chicken sandwich was a big middle finger to me that sent me over the edge. It really hurt me. It hurt my friends. I read your blog on a regular basis, and I have since my Watching American Idol days. Today, I’m very glad I checked in with MissZoot.com, because it warmed my heart. And it helps calm my anger to know there’s one more person on my side.

  49. Kim – you are so good at writing about these kinds of emotional things without blubbering all over the keyboard, like I do! I stand with you on this one big time. My husband tried to play devil’s advocate with me on this whole free speech thing last night, and we almost came to blows. Then we just busted out laughing. We live in WV (for now) and CFA had a lot of supporters here yesterday. I didn’t go anywhere near it because I knew I’d be so upset, and also because I knew that I had a halfway decent chance of seeing someone I know, and then I’d want to punch them. Thank you for sharing this with all of us!

  50. You know how horrifying it is to watch old interviews with racists from the 1950’s? I sincerely hope my kids and grandkids feel equally horrified when they look back on interviews with the people who stood in line at ChikFilA yesterday.

  51. Also, one more somewhat nit-picky point here, that was astutely summarized by my mother in law (she’s a lawyer; so am I) – “Private individuals have every right to boycott a business for statements made by its representatives. Dan Cathy may have every right to express his negative views on same sex marriage but those who disagree with with him have every right to boycott. It’s only when the government tries to suppress speech that a constitutional issue arises. .. Just thought I would clear that up for the record.” There is no GOVERNMENT suppression of Cathy’s views here, which would be unconstitutional. Thus furthering the appearance that if you were in line yesterday to buy your chicken sandwich & waffle fries, you look awfully like a bigot.

  52. Yeah. I made that point too but what the people I talked to are saying is that the Mayors of Chicago and Boston “trying to block Chick-fil-A” from entering their cities is the government interfering. Which – you know – they’re right. But it’s not actually happening, like I mentioned, because the ACLU and every other constitutional lawyer in the world immediately jumped to ChickFilA’s defense.

    So…still (to me) an invalid argument since there are people in the actual system making sure the government doesn’t interfere.

    But yeah. I still just saw lines of hatred and bigotry. No matter how much they said they were just there to support CFA against the Mayors trying to block their business. *sigh*

  53. The part that I hate is how so many people claimed they ate because they “love Jesus.” NO. NO. As a Christian, I find it hard to believe that Jesus would have eaten CFA yesterday. I also HATE how being a Christian also seems to automatically mean you are against gay marriage or aligned with eating CFA. I saw a post yesterday that said “eating a chicken sandwich doesn’t make you a Christian; it makes you a consumer.” Amen.

    I can’t imagine all the pain that my gay friends saw as people proudly posted pictures of CFA on their newsfeed. If you want to eat there, fine, but don’t rub it in people’s faces.

    I’m sorry Kim. I’m sorry for all of them who think they are supporting their religion but have only the “herd” mindset.

  54. I wish I was as strong as you. There was a single mention of a person going to CFA on my wall last night, and I unfriended them. I…just can’t.

  55. The lack of separation between church and state in marriage really bothers me. It bothers me that a {insert religious officiant name here} signs and officiates a legally binding contract in the eyes of the state. I think the legal side and the religious side should be separate. I think anyone should be able to be legally joined in a civil ceremony, and the civil ceremony should be required for a marriage to be legal. The religious ceremony wouldn’t be legally binding; no signing the marriage license, that’s already taken care of and the church wedding is purely ceremonial.

    That probably seems nitpicky, but something about a minister being able to sign off and tell the state “yep, they’re married now!” just because he’s a minister really grinds my gears.

  56. for years now i say EVERY chance i get how i just keep looking forward to getting to move back “home” for a million different reasons i can name off the top of my head…chick-fil-a always being one of them.

    the part i always (conveniently) forget when lamenting over my current geographical location is how absolutely wonderful it is to be in the political landscape we have here vs what i know and remember it being in the south.

    so, your post made me think of two things:

    1) i’m now starving for chick-fil-a!!!
    2) i need to enjoy being around like-minded folks while i still can b/c it’s going to be painful (like it is for you) if/when i make it back to the bible belt!

    thanks for your thoughtful post, girl…love you and would hug you if i could! get one from my girl for me! 🙂

  57. I think grossly unfair to call people who went to chick-fil-a yesterday…. bigots or hateful people… Also a previous poster made a reference to Christians have come to equal anti-gay or something to that affect…. sometimes I feel like we are so willing to think the absolute worst of people first. I know there were people in those lines who are HATEFUL and are BIGOTS, but I also believe there were people there who honestly feel like the media created a stir over views that were already widely known or at least suspected, and thus unfairly targeted ONE company…. I dont necessarily agree with them (CNN is posting a list of organizations other than CFA that are also relgiously run, so let the boycotts fly everyone!)…. I also think there are people out there saying WTF in an awful economy we are attacking our own, looking to shut down a company and potentially putting thousands out of work?? How does that help the cause of equal rights?? I keep going back to this, but I think the fight needs to be civil, it needs to be teaching, anytime you label the “opposition” or you generalize an entire group of people we lose the opportunity to educate. Anytime someone flat out tells me I am wrong, my FIRST instinct is to dig in and fight back with everything I have and I can’t even listen to reason because my guard is up… but I think if things were approached in a different way, perhaps asking for someone’s point of view, asking the questions “as a Christian do you believe God creates people with DNA that makes them attracted to the same sex, only to be forbidden to act upon that attraction? Do you believe God made a “mistake” by making them? (my God makes no mistakes, and loves everyone and I have always been taught God IS love) How would you feel if the church were against heterosexuality? What if when you fell in love many thought it was wrong? What if we had real talks with the friends who posted pics on fb going to CFA (I had none incidentally) rather than deleting them? Why do we keep bringing up CFA’s name in the media instead of the names of good organizations fighting for gay rights?

  58. I live in Washington where there aren’t any CFA’s. I agree with what Ashley said. My church doesn’t want to support the new health care rules and wants to make sure there is a separation between church and state on that issue. But they want to control everyone who marries. Fine, they can stipulate who gets married in the church. But you need a license from the state to get married….and why should the state discriminate against same sex couples getting married. The governer of Washington (who is catholic and belongs to my church) signed into law that same sex marriage was allowed. Now it will be up to a vote in the fall since enough people signed an initiative to get it on the ballot. Thankfully, I was gone the two weekends the church allowed the petitions to be signed after mass. I haven’t given the church a dime since then. I don’t think allowing gays to marry diminishes my marriage in the least.

  59. Melanie – I’m not sure if you are talking to me or not but I did the exact opposite of blankly grouping people at Chick-Fil-A as bigots. I actually addressed it as frustrating because I knew they weren’t. I think that the whole point of my entry and a lot of the conversation here in the comments is that we ARE having a very civil conversation about it. I was actually quite proud of all of this. We are addressing it. Me and Amber completely disagreed in many ways but we spoke our piece and ended things on a happy note. Isn’t that what you are asking for?

    And I’ve asked those questions before because I do have so many friends who base their views against gays from religion. And I’ve known kids sent to conversion therapy. They don’t believe God makes gay people. They believe its a choice.

    And I don’t watch news or media of which you speak. I have no idea how it’s being handled. All of my points are spoken from my personal experience in my own social circles.

  60. Hugs, Kim. I didn’t know what yesterday was until lunchtime, when I logged on Twitter and saw pictures of the lines. It was like a punch to the gut. I just didn’t think people still felt this way and I didn’t think they thought it was OK to go out in public and, for all intents and purposes, send a message to a large group of people that says “I think your relationship is below mine, you and your partner aren’t worthy of the same things as me and my partner.”

    I know some people probably roll their eyes and say it’s just a chicken sandwich, but it’s just one of those things you feel. Sometimes a sandwich isn’t just a sandwich.

    And I swear, if I see one more person say “those who scream for tolerance seem to be intolerant of anyone who does not hold their particular view,” I will LOSE. MY. SHIT.

  61. Yes times a million. It’s a huge deal breakfer for me, and sadly, many of my immediately family fall on the “wrong” side. So I refuse to discuss it at all. Because I won’t back down, even a little, at all, because it’s wrong and it’s mean and, like you, people I love dearly are harmed by laws and ideas and words and violence that all reflect this horrible hatred.

    After the ’08 election I “unfriended” a handful of people because they posted horrible offensive and racist things. You don’t like Obama because of his politics? FINE. Because he’s not white. NOT FINE OMG.

    This is very similar. You brag about fighting the gays? We’re not friends. We can’t be.

  62. Thank you so much from the bottom of my heart. I’m sitting here crying from sadness at all this, but happy at the same time because you get it. You truly get how some of us just want to be like everyone else and simply be with the person they love. I don’t want to take anything away from you, values or chicken, but want to marry my girlfriend and have that be recognized in our family, friends, and workplaces as a sign of our commitment. Not go to bed worried that because my name isn’t on the mortgage (example of hundreds of other legal items) and she get’s hit by a bus tomorrow my(our) entire lives can be taken away just because one simple word defines who we are to everyone. Everyone! I’m not asking people to change their way of life, just legally recognize mine.

  63. Very eloquently put. I’ve been so frustrated with the “free speech” argument but have had trouble expressing what the problem is with it. You said it perfectly.

  64. Thank you for this. I cannot tell you how disappointed I was yesterday. That’s not what Jesus would have done. My heart was so heavy yesterday. One step forward, two steps back. But no food tastes as good as equal rights will feel.
    I for one will never eat there again. Ben and Jerry’s on the other hand, I will buy a pint as often as my waist allows. 😉

  65. What broke my heart the most were pictures of people posing with their children and their chicken sandwiches. What kind of message does that send? Because if your parents line you up to stuff your tiny mouth with nuggets on a day to show support of chick-fil-a’s message that Gays don’t deserve to the right to marry who they love… that Gays are less than and undeserving. That it’s ok to be a bully. It’s disgusting.

    I LOVE being married to my husband. My marriage is my “safe place to land” and my home. It breaks my heart to think that if either of my sons turn out to be gay that legally they wouldn’t be able to have that same kind of wonderful that I have with their Dad.

    You’ve mentioned that you aren’t a believer and that’s ok with me. I totally respect that. I , on the other hand, have found it absolutely impossible not to believe. My life experiences have led me to feel the presence of God more times than I can ignore. SO, as I believer I will continue to pray. I pray the world changes and I pray that people stop using “Biblical” interchangeably with “Christian”… (Not so sure these “CHRISTIANS” would be too happy with how much of a Social-Justice-loving Liberal that Jesus Christ truly was/is. Maybe they need to reread the red parts again.) I will pray that progress marches on and the world gets better. I will pray for more mothering and less “othering” and I will pray that closed minds will begin to open. Love is love is love.

  66. my bad I just saw this line in the above comment… and I took it to mean “I only saw people who were bigots or haters”…. but it just goes to show that misinterpretation is so easy to do.

    “But yeah. I still just saw lines of hatred and bigotry. No matter how much they said they were just there to support CFA against the Mayors trying to block their business. *sigh*”

    It also always makes me a little nuts when people STILL think its a choice…… a family member of mine actually believed that until she started working for the school district, and then she saw signs in some kids from such a young age that she knew it was not a choice, it was simply a part of a person’s makeup. I think, sadly, it takes some people getting to know someone who is gay before the lightbulb goes off.

  67. Sorry that you were so sad. I too have a gay person in my life. My gay nephew and EVEN he says that according to our 1st ammendment every person has their choice to feel what they want.
    It is what it is! Move on. Dont drink beer and lose sleep over something you have no control over.
    Just let it go. Live your life and let those who do not share your views live theirs. You are not God, not here to judge.
    I hate spiders. I actually really HATE them. So, how you going to judge me?
    You will never convince me that spiders are here for a reason, hence the gay thing. Let those believe what they believe. You nor me will ever change their minds. No need to lose sleep over it. It is what it is. It is called Life! Live it!
    So, you need to stop crying and losing sleep and just keep on supporting your own gay people.
    At least they have us in their corner. We cannot change the world.
    Oh, and I cry easily too!

  68. I kind of want to high five you right now. Then hug you. I have several close friends who are gay and I was right there with you yesterday (still there today, actually). It breaks my heart. I am sad. So very sad because I will never understand why or how people could be against LOVE.

  69. You know that I agree with you 100%, that’s no surprise. What has been on my mind over the past few days is hard to put into words, but I will says this. I have decided, after moving all around this amazing country, that as much as I think I was lucky to grow up in the great state of Massachusetts, I think that somehow I was sheltered. I didn’t really understand until I grew up and out of my very liberal state that there were people who were still so stuck to old platitudes of discrimination and hate. Which isn’t to say that Mass. doesn’t have it’s issues, but I can tell you that even moving to DC was a huge shock. The things that would come out of people’s mouths, and they weren’t even embarrassed! People so openly proud of who they found acceptable, and who they did not. Who was “saved” and who was “going to hell”. It still makes my head swim. I guess what it all comes down to, and what keeps coming back to me is a conversation that my mother used to have with her children as we were growing up. Any time that we would have a discussion about our beliefs as a family, she would simply tell us that we believed in love, and being good to other people. She would say that if we made our choices and judgements with kindness in mind, we couldn’t possibly go wrong. When we asked her why other people were mean or hateful of others, she would simply remark that it was so sad that their mothers’ didn’t teach them to be kind, and that we should be sorry for such people, because of how sad they must be all the time, with all of that hate bottled up inside of them. Even now I struggle with that. I want to answer hatred with hatred. Judgement with judgement. Unkindness with unkindness. I will admit though, there is a part of me that just feels sorry for those who are so resolute in their beliefs that cause other people such pain, and only further the cause of denying others their basic human rights. It’s a shame that their mother’s didn’t teach them better.

  70. Yesterday was an awful day. It was very eye-opening to me. I simply cannot understand how people can just blithely and publicly refuse to show LOVE. I’ve always been an ally and I’ve always had very close LGBT friends, but yesterday reminded me that this is a deal-breaker issue for me as well. I did not realize how many of my friends (mostly old friends from high school and the military) are on the wrong side of this issue. I have tried so hard to be kind, because I do care about the feelings of these old friends, but I care more about my LGBT friends being able to fully live their lives.

    The main reason I wanted to post, though, is that the tide really is turning. There is no legal, rational basis for denying a gay couple the right to get married. None. Our legal system will have to catch up to that fact.

    I cry easily, too!

  71. This was a really eye-opening post for me. As someone who lives in Canada (I lived on Church Street in Toronto “the village” ) we don’t have CFA, gay marriage is accepted and welcomed, and I can’t imagine this. I’ve watched it on the news and I am completely baffled by all of it.
    I don’t mean to sound naive, because I’m not, but I cannot wrap my head around any of this.
    It seems so mean and hateful and wrong.
    I grew up in an extremely religious household and learned that being gay was “wrong” and I remember the outrage at first over gay marriage. I vividly remember watching the pride parades on tv and my grandparents being so offended.
    And yet …
    Over the past several years here gay marriage has been legalized. Benefits programs are being extended to same sex spouses. Pride weekend or simply “Pride” is a party for everyone. As in “what are you doing for Pride?” and let me tell you, the fact that the mayor of Toronto doesn’t go to Pride – he doesn’t get support for his stand. There is outright fury and crazy angry news headlines.
    My point – love and acceptance make such a big difference. And, I believe that of all the things I learned growing up religious is tat Love is more important than anything else.
    Deal Breaker for Me too.

  72. We had those same lines here, but at one chic-fil-a a guy used his car to block the drive thru line. He was promptly arrested unfortunately. His free speech was impeding the serving of chicken with a side of hate to the local bible thumpers. I hear there’s a call today for any and all same sex cpuples to go to the chic fil a restaurants and kiss publicly. I’m hetero and married but if I knew a willing girl, id go do it just to prove a point. I stand with you, and with all those who don’t get the same rights as me, but deserve them.

  73. this is so perfect…..and similar to the things my Mother taught me as well……this is why I have hope though, I like to think there are many of us teaching our kids to know and do better.

  74. This is a definite deal breaker for me as well. My nephew is gay. My very best friend in the world is gay and had to create a ficticious Pinterest account to plan her wedding. I have many gay friends that I positively adore and would do anything for. I am so upset by all the CFA ridiculousness, and the subsequent postings of friends on FB, that I have seriously considered giving FB up. People that I have known and loved for years were absolutely obnoxious about the entire situation. I understand that he runs an organization “based” on Christian principles. Good for him. That is absolutely his right. Just like it is my right not to support an organization that doesn’t stand by one of the most important principles of the Bible—JUDGE NOT, LEST YE BE JUDGED. I try very hard to live my life that way, and to teach my children the same thing. We don’t use the word “hate” in our house, partly for that very reason. It’s an ugly word and I am trying to teach them love and tolerance for all of mankind. And that God loves us all, no matter what. I just don’t understand the reasoning behind it. And if one more person tells me that they “choose to be gay” I am gonna lose my shit completely. For realz. I try to be nice, and not be all Judgy Wudgy about their views. But ignorant comments like that? Yeah, not so much.

  75. I am totally with you. My oldest friend is gay, and I have other gay friends and relatives in my life who are very dear to me. I am proud that gay people can legally marry here in Ottawa.

  76. My Gay Boyfriend got married Saturday, to his partner of almost 11 years. During the reception, Stephen (GBF) danced with his mom, then Jeff danced with his. Then they switched moms and danced together. Stephen’s dad went and cut in on Jeff and Stephen’s mom…to dance with *Jeff*. Cue the tears. Not just because of how loving and accepting Stephen’s parents are (and always heve been) of Jeff. But because Jeff’s dad and stepmother did not come to the wedding. And sent Jeff letters every month, telling Jeffery how they were praying for him.

    That is the best and worst of humanity right there. IMHO, anyway.

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