Health & Fitness.

Pride.

A long time ago I wrote something here about why I run. That, as a Mom with Guilt Issues (We need a support group, don’t we?) I’m very hard on myself. I never feel like I’m doing things right. Or even well enough. I feel crappy about that box of Oreos I ate last night (Donnie: Where are there Oreos? Me: IN MAH BELLY.) and about the stain on the playroom carpet where I spilled paint water. I wish my house was cleaner and my kids less likely to punch other children in the face. (Don’t ask.) I hate my eyebrows and I wish I cared enough to clean my windows once in awhile.

But when I run? I am just PROUD. With every mile I get under my shoes I think Damn, Kim. You are kicking ass. Every race…every milestone…every speed workout…every hill. I am just proud of myself. And this is what gets me out the door in the heat. This is what gets me putting miles in even when no schedule calls for it. This is what gets me putting on my running shoes when I’m tired and cranky. The feeling of pride…in myself. It’s such a rare thing that I find myself addicted to the one activity that gives it to me time and time again. Running.

All I wanted to do was beat last year's time...

I ran the Cotton Row 10K again today. For those of you who have been here awhile, you know that this was the race that started it all for me last year. After doing boot camp for 6+ months, I felt confident to try the 10K I had been scared of for years. The one with the dreaded hill. So steep it’s been graded for cars. And when I finished that thing last year, I about cried I was so amazed at my time. That pride pushed me to sign up for half-marathon training, which pushed me to signed up for a trail 25K with “Madness” in the title, and then that pushed me to my marathon last week. All of those things…at least 800 miles of running…brought me full circle yesterday.

I started the race feeling okay…thinking I might “race” it. (Once you get to a certain point in training you find that some races you just “run” for fun/miles and others you “race” for time.) After doing my first 2 miles at a solid 9:30-9:40 pace I thought, I can do this. I can beat an hour if I keep this up. So…I did. I ran most of the way up the dreaded hill and I held a sub-9:00 pace the last 2.5 miles. When I saw the clock said 57:XX as I came to the finish line? I almost cried.

And then later…several times…I did cry. I mean, I couldn’t help it! I was so proud of myself! Have you ever been that proud of yourself? So proud you cry? Before I started running I hadn’t ever done that before. And now I get to feel it regularly. Whether it’s a time I broke, or tough miles I finished. Hell…I’ve even been crying at boot camp! I did one-armed shoulder presses with 20lbs last week and DIDN’T DIE! I was SO proud!

I’ll admit…there’s a small little voice inside my head that says, It’s not that big of a deal. 820+ people finished ahead of you. Get over it. But you know what? I tell that voice to suck it; because I’ve come further in the last year-and-a-half than I ever dreamed possible. With every tear I shed out of pride I knock another barrier down. Proving that – in the end – anything really is possible.

23 thoughts on “Pride.”

  1. YOU ARE INCREDIBLE. Thank you for being a constant inspiration for me, and for being the sort of inspiration that finally helped me figure out that I CAN do it, whatever “it” is….AND for being the reason I signed up for the Warrior Dash, since now it would appear it’s becoming my “thing.”

  2. Girl, you look GREAT! And you should be proud of yourself! I can’t run but I’ve been walking, hoping to get thinner and healthier. You have some major motivation!
    I haven’t seen your mom post anything for a long time. I hope she’s all right.

  3. Awww. This long time reader is proud of you too. You’re setting such a rockin example for your kids…and your readers.

  4. Seriously awesome and you should be SO proud of yourself! I have to say, I am a lifelong running avoider and yet your posts make me think “maybe I could…” You’ve gotten me to think about it to the point that I bought the couch-to-5k app for my iPhone…but I haven’t gotten the courage up to actually *use* it yet. But when I finally do? It will be because of you.

  5. Oh Kim, that made me a little teary. I’ve been watching your times on FB and wondering how in heck you have so much energy. But I’m so proud of you – your times are amazing – and I also get it. Don’t feel guilt about a second. Concentrate on the kicking ass part. Because your kids feel that. They know that mom is happy and proud. And that makes a good kid and a happy home. Not clean windows.
    I run, too, for the same reasons. Just not as fast as you. πŸ˜‰

  6. What an amazing transformation both physically and mentally. Congrats!!

  7. I am proud of you. You are an amazing woman, mother, wife and now an amazing runner!

  8. You got me tearing up here! (prepare for a bunch of exclamation points!)

    You are AMAZING! You LOOK AMAZING! You should be PROUD! You INSPIRE so MANY of us! You have, on more than one occasion, been the reason I get my bum to wake up, get out the door keep going w/my Couch to 5k training/just moving (bike/elliptical/walk) if my shins act up too much – I think to myself “Kim gets up BEFORE the crack of dawn to do Boot Camp AND runs at night!”

    I finished my 1st 5k earlier this month and I almost cried too!

    Now, if only I can live vicariously through you and slim my figure when yours does…I’d be set! ha!

  9. You ROCK!!!! So what about the people before you in the race think about the thousands that don’t get off the couch!!! You have every right to feel good about yourself you are kicking butt!! You motivate me to start running again!

  10. You’d better tell that voice in your head to suck it! What you have accomplished is a huge deal! I’m so proud of you, too!

    Now, about that support group for Mom’s with Guilt Issues…

  11. I know this sounds weird coming from someone you don’t even know, but you have been such an inspiration to me! My husband and I started the Couch to 5K a few weeks ago, are planning on doing a 5K in July, and I have my eye on a women’s half-marathon later this year. Reading your story has given me the kick in the pants to get my butt off the couch and accomplish something I can be proud of!

  12. Which women’s half? I only ask because I’m eyeballing one in September πŸ™‚

  13. This is so great. I love that in your pictures, not only can you see that you’re getting more fit, but you can see your self confidence grow, too! That first picture you still look kind of shy and like you’re not sure of your self, but by that third picture? You know you’re a bad ass!

    You’re the reason I ran a half marathon at all – I followed your journey through it and thought “I can try that!” I sucked, yes, but I did it. And that pride in a hard physical challenge is pretty awesome.

  14. I happened across your blog from a friend about back to school stuff. I’ve been reading ever since. I usually just skipped over the running stuff, but then started to read more and more of them. I can honestly say you are the reason I have started running πŸ™‚ I am on week 2 of couch to 5K and was thinking to myself tonight that I can do that last 30 seconds of running because you could do it. I’m looking for a boot camp in my area (I don’t live by much of anything) and if I can’t find one I’m just going to figure out a routine to do at home by myself. I don’t think I’ll be ready for the Tough Mudder next April, but my long term goal is to be able to do it the next year. I want to be able to have the stamina to play with my (insanely active) twins. YOU have inspired me to get off my butt and do it!!

  15. Wow, look at all the people you have inspired (including me). Another thing to be proud of. I always call it a sense of accomplishment,, but maybe pride is a better description of the feeling I get out of running. .

  16. That’s the one I’m doing!!! DO IT DO IT DO IT! We’ll meet up! Seriously! I’ll even run with you! (I’m using it as a training run so if I need to run/walk some it’s no big deal!)

    Dude. I am SO PUSHY.

  17. Oh, man – if you seriously don’t mind running with a newbie I will totally do it!!!

  18. EEK. I’d love to! I’m going with a group of girls from here but they’re all racing it. So, you sign up for your training and whatever point you get yourself to, I’ll run it with you however you want! I can even provide references πŸ˜‰ I’m a good running buddy! Not sure if you have my email (misszoot@gmail.com) but you just keep me posted and you can count on me as a running partner/cheerleader.

    WARNING: I’m thinking about wearing something fun since it’s a women’s race. Like pink hair. Or something πŸ˜‰

  19. Pink hair sounds awesome! I’ll have to find something fun to wear as well πŸ™‚

  20. Proud? We’ve never met but I’m still proud of you when I think back to those old posts where you admitted to “hating” exercise (that WAS you, wasn’t it?). I probably said something like, “keep trying, and you’ll find SOMETHING you like — dancing, tennis, yoga, swimming, bicycling, golf, basketball…” And look at you now!

    Mind you, I’m not a runner, and I don’t ever intend to start! But I (trained for and) walked a marathon a few years ago, and am proud of that. I suppose many runners would consider walking a marathon that a “fail,” but it was always my intention to walk it (at a reasonably brisk pace… it took me a little over 8 hours iirc). And I do other exercise — mostly yoga and T-Tapp videos at home and recently got back into swimming laps (one of my favorites) after a year-long hiatus, due to changing jobs (and thus, schedules). Previous job had health club privileges, but I only used their pool.

  21. I’ve thought about doing (i.e., walking) another marathon, but have held back because the training is so time-consuming! When you’re walking 15-20 minute miles (depending on the terrain… my marathon was at 7500 feet with a 1000 ft elevation change), those weekly “LSD” walks take a BIG chunk of time! Time I’d rather spend hiking in the mountains, or lake-kayaking with the family, or listening to live music downtown, or any of a number of other fun things.

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