The comments on the last entry made me feel much better. NONE of you said more often than once-a-week. YAY! Most were in the every 2-3 week zone but some of you were like me in that you aim for every 2-3 weeks but it often gets pushed back to once-a-month because it always seems like there’s more important laundry waiting to be done.
In case you’re wondering? I washed my sheets yesterday.
Now…let’s talk about this boot camp. I signed up for it 2 months ago because not ONLY had I not lost any of the weight I had been trying to loose since Wes was born, but I kept GAINING more. Since I started the boot camp I am no longer gaining weight, but I’m not losing any because I am still struggling with my eating habits.
I’ve been doing this camp for 6 weeks now and while I haven’t lost any weight – I’m seeing HUGE differences in my strength and balance. There are exercises I couldn’t even do 6 weeks ago and now I’m on top of them and kicking their ass. I’m not falling over as much during the workout and I’m much more agile when switching exercises. I can tell that the fitness level of my body is jumping in leaps and bounds. And as I was pigging out on my 7th full meal of the day yesterday (Don’t Ask.) I thought about something painful. I’m totally self-sabotaging.
I’ve been going to bootcamp at 5:30am for over 6 weeks now. He gives a week off between sessions, but let’s just leave that part out for the sake of my timeline. 6 weeks…5:30am…hour-long workouts that make me walk funny…strength…balance. All of these things are things to be immensely proud of. But every day I undo that hard work by stress-eating. Anxiety-eating. Emotional-eating. I could have lost at least 10lbs by now, I’m guessing, something I could really be proud of. But have I? No. Because my eating habits haven’t changed along with my exercise level.
I’m still very proud of myself. I just feel so much stronger. But this is what I liken it to: I spent hours prepping a dinner for my family and instead of sitting down and eating it – I just pooped all over it and threw it in the trash.
Ok. That was gross. Let’s leave out the “Pooped all over it” part and say I just “Threw it in the trash.” The point is still made and I’m not grossed out. Basically, I’m working my butt of on something. Sweating over it. For one hour a day. 5 days a week. And then I’m throwing 99% of it out. I’m still stronger but I’m counter-acting the overall benefit for my body by binge-eating all day every day.
Will this realization change my habits? I hope so. Every time I go to eat something when I’m not even hungry, I hope to stop and think about these workouts and how awesome I’m doing every morning. And how I deserve to see the scale drop and the clothes fit more loosely. I have earned that benefit and I should allow myself to enjoy that and quit fighting against myself every day.
We are our own worst enemies, aren’t we?
We’ll see how today goes. It’s 4:30am. I’m geared up for my workout. Have I mentioned it’s really cold outside when we’re doing these workouts? Well…IT IS REALLY DAMN COLD. That’s another reason why I deserve to see myself thinner…because I’m doing all of this WHILE FREEZING MY ASS OFF.
Update from 2021 – I really wish Kim of yesteryear could have just celebrated her increase strength and balance and not talk about weight so much. I hate she was so obsessed with getting to some random weightloss goal.