Update from 2021: I agree with none of this now. Just wanted to document that. I’m keeping this for posterity sake but Kim of 2010 was an idiot.
Have you ever considered an idea – whether it’s political, religious, or scientific – and actually felt two completely opposite opinions of it at the exact same time? Equally? Like you find yourself arguing both sides of the debate in your head while you spend time thinking about this concept or idea?
I really never had until recently.
I’ve always been able to see both sides of most concepts. But I usually emphatically support ONE side. However, I heard a concept recently that was just thrown into a conversation casually but has stayed on my mind ever since. It was the idea of “Fixing yourself up FOR YOUR HUSBAND.” My first thought about this idea was Eff that. He loves me like I am or he doesn’t love me at all. But then, oddly enough, I immediately considered the effect it would have on my marriage if I did look at my husband as someone I needed to get “Dolled Up” for. I found myself thinking BOTH things simultaneously and believing them both whole-heartedly.
Here’s the thing – I don’t get made up for much. I don’t really like makeup because I don’t really know how to wear it without looking like I’m made up. The most I like to do is the foundation/powder and then maybe some mascara. And I do that so rarely that my makeup goes bad before it ever runs out. On days I “fix” my hair it just means I’ve conditioned it and left it down and curly. Most days I put it back in a bun. And I rarely ever get dressed up for anything. My daughter compliments any woman she knows when she wears a dress or a skirt. She’ll say, “Oh! You look beautiful! My Mommy doesn’t like dresses.” So – when I’m considering “fixing myself up” – I simply mean jeans, a non-stained shirt, hair down and maybe some mascara.
Half of me has no desire to deal with any of that minimal effort. I like my stained t-shirts because I don’t worry about more stains. I like wearing my hair back in a bun because it stays out of my face. I like not wearing makeup because then I’m free to rub my eyes when I like. I LIKE BEING SLOVENLY. It suits my lifestyle.
But then the other half of me thinks about how differently my husband treats me on days I put some effort into my appearance. And wonder how nice that would be if I did that every day? He would never EVER ask me to do something like that, but it’s an interesting concept to considering fixing myself up FOR my husband. I mean, I used to do it when we were dating. Right? Why don’t I do it anymore?
I think there are even some marriage counseling groups in churches that use this principle as a primary part of a relationship. The part of me that believes There are more important facets to my life than how I look wants to punch all of them in the face for encouraging society to continually judge us on our appearance. But then the part of me that simply likes it when my husband thinks I’m pretty says, Yeah…but just putting on clean clothes and wearing earrings isn’t reinforcing any unhealthy societal norms. And then that part always reminds me how much better I feel on the days I do put more attention into my appearance. So maybe part of me would be doing it for my husband to see me in a different light, but another part of me might be just doing it for myself.
I’m not going to start getting my nails done every week, or getting a salon to style my hair. But it is an interesting idea, fixing yourself up for your spouse. It angers the independent side of me but it intrigues the romantic in me. Of course, my husband knows me and would probably just think I’d lost my mind if I started wearing clean clothes every day. But still – even that would be something right?
And in the interest of full-disclosure, this entry may be written in an attempt to make up for the fact that my husband thinks my new shoes may possibly be the ugliest things he’s ever seen.