Yesterday was an insane day. We had an appointment at NikkiZ’s dentist for him to look at her abscess at 9am. She loves the dentist so, not a big deal. At least not for her. I had AndyZ with me and he decided to challenge himself by pushing every button he could find and trying to grab sterile dental tools from any surface he saw them on. Oh – he also tried to climb in the X-Ray machine. Because what we really need is some sort of You Break It – You Buy It policy to kick in with something expensive like that.
The dentist took an X-Ray of NikkiZ and decided the tooth needed to be removed. IMMEDIATELY. Since we’re leaving for Florida on Thursday he made an appointment for us at a pediatric dentist at 10:30am. That gave me an hour to try to find someone to watch AndyZ. Luckily, it was a slow day for MrZ at work so he said he’d just come home for the day. He stayed with AndyZ while I took NikkiZ into her appointment. She did great. The only time she was difficult was when they tried to get her to drink the Demerol. She hates medicine. It was just a little bit and it didn’t taste bad, but she still freaked out. She ended up spitting it out into her glass of water, so we just waited for her to finish that. I told the hygienist, “She doesn’t eat cake either. She’s strange.” I mean…WHO TURNS DOWN DEMEROL?
She got really chatty the longer she wore Mr. Nose (he of the laughing gas persuasion) and kept trying to talk to the dentist while he was jabbing needles in her gums. “I CANT FEEL IT AT ALL!” she was saying. And she was talking about Dora (which is what was on the TV above her head) and the awesome games they had in the lobby. She talked the ENTIRE TIME we were there. She kept saying, “Is the tooth out yet?” It’s like she didn’t even know it was supposed to hurt so she wasn’t even scared one bit. Best Tooth Pulling Experience EVER. And I could totally understand why her normal dentist sent us to a pediatric dentist for the procedure. They have everything set up to make things good for the kids. AND for the parents. It was AWESOME.
The experience did stress me out a bit, however. And then I had to get home, try to finish some housework since we’re LEAVING FOR FLORIDA IN TWO DAYS. And then I had to go to a costume work session at LilZ’s high school from 3:30-6:00pm. MrZ and I have been going to as many volunteer sessions as we can since this production is SO HUGE. They’re actually flying one of the characters. On a harness. They don’t mess around at this theater program, that’s for sure. But it’s almost entirely run/supported by parents. And there are some amazingly talented parents in the group. MrZ has been helping with set builds and I’ve been helping with painting and sewing. Except that I don’t sew – so I am actually gluing and cutting. But I’m doing it WELL.
MrZ’s session started at 6pm so he brought the kids with him and I took them home with me. I came home, gave them baths and put AndyZ to bed while NikkiZ was supposed to be getting out and drying herself off. When I came in the bathroom, however, there were bath toys all along the edge of the tub alongside wet washcloths. She knows not to do this because it gets water everywhere. And I still was so behind on my day for chores that I simply lost it. I yelled, “WHAT ARE YOU DOING?” And of course, that scared the crap out of her as she didn’t even know I was there. She immediately started crying which actually made me angrier (Please tell me you do that too? Get angrier when they cry?) so I continued, “Young Lady! You know better! Look at this huge mess! You need to dry all of that up and get dressed RIGHT NOW!” All with my voice raised.
Now…I’ve yelled louder and meaner before. I’ve discussed my yelling here and here. It’s my least favorite parenting quality. I honestly think I’m a damn good Mom 90% of the time. And then the .05% of the time when I’m yelling? I kinda hate myself. BUT – that time was NOT a bad yelling time for me. Seriously. Last night was just more of a shock session. But it scared her because I snuck up on her. I left the bathroom – took a few deep breaths – and came back. She was crying and said to me (While sobbing), “I don’t like it when you yell at me.”
I was still angry about the mess but I also knew I had scared the crap out of her when I yelled so I decided to start over. I helped her get dressed and we snuggled for a bit while I talked about why I yell. I told her I would try not to yell because I didn’t like it when my Daddy yelled at me when I was little. We basically commiserated on the sucktitude of yelling parents. Even though I was one of those parents. Which is the ultimate crux of parenting when you find yourself doing the exact same thing you hated that your own parents did.
All in all? The day kinda sucked. But that’s OK. She and I had a good evening together. The Tooth Fairy came while she was sleeping. I tried to talk her into leaving the tooth somewhere other than under her pillow so the Tooth Fairy wouldn’t wake up her brother…but she was having NOTHING of it. She went through quite an ordeal, she was going to get the perfect Tooth Fairy moment out of it, dammit! I’m going to do my best to catch up on my To Do list today before we hit the road tomorrow night. I’m starting over today. I’m not going to stress out about yesterday or about my misstep in parenting. Because – like I very honestly admitted – I know I’m a good Mom. I focus on my failures a lot on this blog because I think about them a lot and am trying to always be a better person. BUT – I do honestly feel like I’m a good Mom. I could be better – but I’m not going to focus on my mistake from last night. I’m going to just continue being a good Mom who tries to be better every day. And since today is a new day…different from the sucky Mom yesterday? I’m already doing great.