Thing 3

It’s Okay Because He’s Cute

Okay – I have to admit I have the typical girly-girl reaction to farting. I get grossed out and run away yelling, “Ewww…” This cracks up any boy I’ve ever been related to because a reaction like that inspires the male species to torture you endlessly.

AndyZ has proven to be NO DIFFERENT.

He doesn’t spit-up much at all, but the kid poots ALL THE TIME. It’s CRAZY. I’ve never heard one child pass as much gas as this one does. However, that fact alone doesn’t really bother me too much. Mainly because they don’t stink and he’s not chasing me down and doing it in my face as a form of torture. (Anyone who grew up around boys fell victim to that at least A MILLION TIMES.)

Now – It’s the fact that they WAKE ME UP AT NIGHT. First of all, when it’s time for one of his “episodes” (definition: 4-5 minutes of solid poots) he spends several minutes preparing by kinda moaning and groaning and wiggling and whining. This wakes me up and I immediately try to cram a pacifier or a boob in his mouth. Depending on what time it is. But – of course – that’s not what he wants. So, he spends 10+ minutes keeping me away with the moaning and the writhing as he works the gas down (I guess?) and then he spends the next 5+ minutes farting the LOUDEST FARTS EVER IN THE HISTORY OF FARTING.

The last two nights he’s been doing this every hour it seems. Giving me exactly NO opportunities to get in a good bit of REM sleep. After two days of this disruptive sleep pattern? I feel like I’m losing my damn mind.

Case and Point:

AndyZ does this cry that sounds like he’s yelling “Mm-Kay! Mm-Kay! Mm-Kay!” This morning I decided to pretend like we were having a conversation and I would say, “Let’s go to the park today.” And he would say, “Mm-kay!” Then I would say, “Let’s eat cow testicles for dinner!” And then I would crack up hysterically as he would say, “Mm-kay!” This went on for a good 15 minutes until he finally stopped with the Mm-kays and just gave me a look that said, “I may be an infant, but I still understand you are BATSHIT KRAZEE.”

All because of the Farts.

And of course – does any of this nighttime gas activity wake MrZ up? No. He sleeps through it all. Partly because he tends to have the ability to sleep through any sounds the kids make. But partly because he’s a boy and the sounds of farts don’t phase boys. They are immune to the noise. Because boys are GROSS. Amen.

27 thoughts on “It’s Okay Because He’s Cute”

  1. hey, he might be allergic to something you’re eating–dairy is really common–you could try to lay off for a week or two and see what happens? my sister’s baby had this with dairy and also garlic.

  2. You’ve made my day all better now! I’ve had a rubbish morning feeling a little under the weather (and that fact that its now raining outside 🙁 )

    I know that whole disgusting things boys do when they chase you! We’d been playing cars or something and my brother would stand up and turn so that his back was in my direction and proceed to do the deed. It wasn’t till he was about 9 that he realised that if he sat on me I’d squeal!

    Lambkin at church is 6 and just going through it so we have it all again lol

  3. I have a friend that called them TIPs – toots in pants. So she didn’t have to admit that her boy farted either.

  4. Amen.

    And why are babies so capable of making the LARGEST and LOUDEST farts? It’s like their farts come ripping out of their bodies at warp-speeds.

  5. Yes, boys are gross… and an answer to our prayers.

    We call them toots. I don’t like the word ‘fart’ either.

    If you hold him by his feet will the gas rise faster? Just kidding, maybe.

  6. Maybe give him some infant mylicon drops before bed? It helped with my gassy boy. I was also thinking it may be something you are eating that is upsetting his belly. Lay off the cheap beer and beans lady!

  7. Maybe something you are eating isn’t settling well with him? You could always track your nutrition and his “poots” to see if there is a correlation. I hope this subsides and you are able to get more sleep soon!

  8. I guess I should have read the comments before chiming in… now I sound like a broken record!

  9. I daresay this isn’t just limited to boys. 😉 I’ve never had a baby that farts near as much as Evie does. In fact, Kile comments that he knows it’s morning by the rumbles from Evie as he’s getting dressed for work. It’s just how she wakes up. stretch… fart…. stretch…. fart. It cracks us up every time.

  10. AMEN!!! I had two older brothers. They used to sit on my head and fart. But I must warn you. It does not always stop at boys. Both my girls delight in the pooting busines…quick often lifting their leg to emphasize the point. Beware, the SBDs (silent but deadly) are the worse.

  11. This is hysterical. OH MY word. That poor boy!! I can’t imagine having gas that much!! Hopefully as he gets older it won’t be much of a problem!

  12. I grew up with two brothers, and I was chased down MANY a time so they could fart their most disgusting fart right in my face. Yeah, good times. My little bro, almost 24, still asks me to pull his finger when I visit.

  13. Hehe…FartFest 2008. or SartSest as the case may be. A feast for the ears AND the nose! (and possibly the eyes as well–sounds like your child is adorable whilst sarting).
    I will agree that dairy bugged my daughter. She didn’t poot, but got really gassy and irritable.
    Oh, and I’m a mean mom–catch an episode or two on video. I miss all those fun things that she did as an infant!

  14. I have the sense of humour like a 12 year old boy because I find farts funny. LOL I can’t help but laugh.

    And I so know what you’re talking about. I can hear Hudson’s newborn farts from another room!

  15. Total assvice here, but I agree it could be a dairy thing, might want to try cutting it out. I am dairy-free and hating it.

  16. My son? Could fart louder than any grown man when he was an infant. Oh and the smell. Oh my. Yes, they also stunk worse than a grown man’s.

    The good news is that the older he gets, the less offensive they are. There is hope.

    He wasn’t colicky, no sensitivities to dairy, he just had a lot of gas. I called him my gaseous anomaly.

    Thanks for the chuckle, I hope the “pooting” subsides soon.

  17. Ok, I’ve been gone too long when you’ve had a kid and I didn’t even know you were pregnant!

  18. Ahh, that made me giggle. Nothing like a good giggle at 3am. My daughter is 3 and when she farts, she waves her hand around her butt, and says… eww. But then she giggles. lol. When her dad or even me (Yes, I fart. lol) farts, she doesn’t say a word, she just looks at us like we interrupted her train of thought, and goes back to what she was doing. So, yeah, I guess it’s only funny when kids fart.

  19. I live in a house of digetionally-challenged gas machines. Asking who has bad gas is just a normal part of daily conversation. In fact girl-child has just recently instructed me on how farts are made, a very charming conversation!

  20. Laughing out loud over here! My husband and son are, respectively, the Fart King and Fart Prince of the United States.

    When I had my daughter, I thought it would be different. Little did I know she was actually the Fart Princess. Now I hear several times a day, “Mahhmy, I stinka lika toot!”

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