Okay – I have to admit I have the typical girly-girl reaction to farting. I get grossed out and run away yelling, “Ewww…” This cracks up any boy I’ve ever been related to because a reaction like that inspires the male species to torture you endlessly.
AndyZ has proven to be NO DIFFERENT.
He doesn’t spit-up much at all, but the kid poots ALL THE TIME. It’s CRAZY. I’ve never heard one child pass as much gas as this one does. However, that fact alone doesn’t really bother me too much. Mainly because they don’t stink and he’s not chasing me down and doing it in my face as a form of torture. (Anyone who grew up around boys fell victim to that at least A MILLION TIMES.)
Now – It’s the fact that they WAKE ME UP AT NIGHT. First of all, when it’s time for one of his “episodes” (definition: 4-5 minutes of solid poots) he spends several minutes preparing by kinda moaning and groaning and wiggling and whining. This wakes me up and I immediately try to cram a pacifier or a boob in his mouth. Depending on what time it is. But – of course – that’s not what he wants. So, he spends 10+ minutes keeping me away with the moaning and the writhing as he works the gas down (I guess?) and then he spends the next 5+ minutes farting the LOUDEST FARTS EVER IN THE HISTORY OF FARTING.
The last two nights he’s been doing this every hour it seems. Giving me exactly NO opportunities to get in a good bit of REM sleep. After two days of this disruptive sleep pattern? I feel like I’m losing my damn mind.
Case and Point:
AndyZ does this cry that sounds like he’s yelling “Mm-Kay! Mm-Kay! Mm-Kay!” This morning I decided to pretend like we were having a conversation and I would say, “Let’s go to the park today.” And he would say, “Mm-kay!” Then I would say, “Let’s eat cow testicles for dinner!” And then I would crack up hysterically as he would say, “Mm-kay!” This went on for a good 15 minutes until he finally stopped with the Mm-kays and just gave me a look that said, “I may be an infant, but I still understand you are BATSHIT KRAZEE.”
All because of the Farts.
And of course – does any of this nighttime gas activity wake MrZ up? No. He sleeps through it all. Partly because he tends to have the ability to sleep through any sounds the kids make. But partly because he’s a boy and the sounds of farts don’t phase boys. They are immune to the noise. Because boys are GROSS. Amen.