Dad, Parenting

Maybe This Is Why Mother Nature Cursed Me As A Spontaneous Aborter?

My Dad is coming in today and will be here for almost a week. He’ll be here partly to see AndyZ but mostly to help me keep everybody alive while MrZ goes back to work. (I mentioned already, this task is much harder than I anticipated.) I have braved a few outings with three kids on my own, but LilZ is much more help than a hindrance so it’s almost cheating. My Dad will be able to come with us to the playground and make sure I don’t lose anyone while we’re there. It’s amazing how easy it is to blink and find one of your kids missing. Or maybe that’s just me.

This will be a good transition week because I can honestly say I don’t think I’m ready to go it alone yet. I mean, I’ve done it for several hours at a time but usually with MrZ right outside doing housework or yardwork. I may not have used him to help me, but knowing he was there was a huge help. This week? He’ll be 15 miles away at work and not a quick resource if I suddenly realize I’m in over my head. It’ll be nice to have a backup person this week close at hand to give me one more week to ease into this situation.

It probably goes without saying, but I’ll say it anyway. Those of you with more than two kids who need your attention (because we all know LilZ requires no care) are my heroes and I don’t see how you do it. I’m not cut out for that. My brain has a minimal capacity – it appears – when it comes to caring for multiple children. Two seems to be my limit. And that may even exceed my limit, I’ll let you know. If I still can locate both AndyZ and NikkiZ in 12 weeks? Then I guess I can handle at least two. But the outlook is not that good.

31 thoughts on “Maybe This Is Why Mother Nature Cursed Me As A Spontaneous Aborter?”

  1. I had my boys 2 years apart, then I had my girls 19 months apart.
    I know that gulping fear of not being able to pay attention to what everyone is doing.
    My only advice is, breathe deeply and give yourself some slack and demand the same in everyone else…you’re trying your best, and the kids will be OK with your fumbling attempts at multitasking on steroids like you’re trying to do now.
    Breathe….breathe, breathe, breathe.

  2. Hi.

    I also have a hard time looking after my baby. I only have one but I can only imagine what it would be like when I have to or three. I admire you for your patience.

    I feel you.

    I can’t give any good advice for now, because I also tend to go gaga over my schedule. I do hope that everyone understands that we’re not superwoman.

  3. Zoot, don’t be so hard on yourself. You are in the absolute thick of the hardest part, and I know that you’ll come out of the other end shining, with three lovely children.

  4. I was SCARED TO DEATH when Scott went back to work and Babygirl was an infant – and I only had him home for a few days!! The first whole day I was by myself, do you know what I did? I took digital pictures of Toad and sat on the floor and played with him when I wasn’t tending to Babygirl.

    It seems extremely intimidating, but you’ll do fine. It doesn’t matter if you let the housework slack a bit, as long as you’re tending to your daughter, your son, and yourself, everything will go alright – and you can always have Mr. Z spend his time with the kiddos when he comes home, giving you the chance to pick up a bit, make supper, or relax!! I promise you’ll do fine!

  5. My son just turned 2 & I have 8 month old twin boys. I fuh-reaked out when my husband went back to work! But my doctor gave me some great advice… If they all need something at the same time, take care of the older one first (when you can). The baby will be fine, even if he has to cry for a minute. Crying doesn’t hurt. But the older one will get their feelings hurt or act out if you’re constantly “choosing” the baby first.
    Someone was always crying in my house for those first few months. But they all survived, Noah loves his brothers & the boys have turned into very laid back, patient little ones.
    Your kids are GORGEOUS! You are blessed & they’re blessed to have you as Mom. You’ll be fine. πŸ™‚

  6. Delurking to say…Zoot you are doing fantastic!
    I too was totally not feeling ready to handle things when my husband went back to work (I have a 4 year old, 2 1/2 year old twins and a 9 month old) But if you just take it one minute at a time and then 1 hour at a time, then everything is more manageable! You may not even find it as bad as you think it will be.
    You have 3 amazing kids! They are so lucky to have you as a mom!

  7. I have a feeling you will be just just fine!!! Really. I think you need to give yourself some credit. πŸ™‚

  8. For me, the hardest was when I had a toddler and a baby. I thought “This can’t be done. This can’t be done.” I thought it about a thousand times a day! Then it got easier. I think when the baby was a month old it was improving, and then every month after that there was a noticeable additional improvement. After THAT, every new baby has been way easier: even adding TWINS was not as hard as adding that second baby. I know you’ve got a third, so it’s different–but it’s that toddler/newborn combo I think is so impossible. Other children almost don’t figure in—like my two oldest don’t really figure in to the impact baby Henry had on the household, or at least not as much as the toddler twins did.

  9. So AndyZ wonders off by himself at the playground already? Darn he’s gifted. No, I’m kidding. I’m kidding because I’m terrified of juggling an almost 2 year old and a newborn in 2 months time! (My hubby is a contractor and doesn’t get any paid time off so his time off will be minimal. And we moved 500 miles away from all friends and family last year.) If we all survive the first month together it will be amazing!

  10. you’re going to do great!
    you always underestimate yourself. you know, like how you think you’re lazy, but then you go camping with your kids DAYS before you give birth?

    you’re the best mom ever.
    i hope there’s a tiny bit of you that knows that.

  11. you’re a rocking mom, Zoot!!! Look at you, already planning on trips to the park with the babies, big brother and granddad. I only have one and some days planning a trip to the park overwhelms me πŸ™‚

  12. My three older siblings were born bam-bam-bam. The other three of us are spaced more widely apart. It makes me wonder if there was blogging back in those days that there won’t be wondering if the 3 youngest were accidents or not.

    There’s a lot to say for bloggy-love.

  13. Many a mom has felt this way. I think part of it is a postpartum thing- no matter how many kids you’re left alone with for the 1st time! You’ll be great, you always are. Also, you are so not cursed. You’ve been through hell along the preggo road but look at that angel you’ve been blessed with! All 3 of your angels for that matter!

  14. You are going to be great, I just know it. Meanwhile, let your Dad take care of you a little too. You deserve it.

  15. Oh wow. I can see I have been away for far far too long! LilZ is all grown up. NikkiZ is a BIG sister…there is a brand new zoot in town and MrZ has longer hair! Wow I have been soooo out of touch!

    Congratulations on all of the greatness in your life…

  16. Zoot! Give yourself a break – you just had a baby how many days ago?!!

    You will grow whatever skills or muscles you need. Cut yourself some slack and give yourself a little time.

  17. I remember having these same feelings, but you’ll be a pro in no time. It’s like everything else, eventually you just get ‘in the groove’. Not that I haven’t lost a kid or two in my day…..don’t worry they’ll get hungry and will come looking for you!

    You’re doing great! Hang in there.

  18. I really would prefer one child for this very reason. My fiance says we should have two, so they both always have someone there to play and hang out with. I guess we’ll see how it goes!

  19. Ha. I also “joke” (I put that in quotes, because really I’m serious but I try to maintain the sham of competence) that I have two of the three of them on my radar at all times.

    But, I haven’t lost, caused harm to, or otherwise seriously screwed up yet. You’ll get it, don’t be so hard on yourself! Its just been 10 days or so, give yourself a much needed break and take a nap!

  20. You’ll be okay because you rock. I hope you have a good time with your Dad and that he helps with the transition!

  21. My boys are now 8, 5, 2 and 6 months. I am CONSTANTLY doing headcounts. Trust me I understand the fear!

  22. Hang in there, you’ll figure it out. It’s a case of 1+1 does NOT equal 2. Because two kids is three times harder than one. Be glad AndyZ isn’t mobile and that they’re not twins (I don’t know how moms of multiples do it). A friend had her fourth when her oldest was in first grade. I watched (and tried to help), but I still couldn’t figure out how she did it. I know her littlest two stayed in the stroller a lot more than mine, as a result they’re quieter now (read, better behaved) when they’re in the stroller.

  23. I have a 4 year old girl and 10 month old boy. I feel your pain!! But you know what? You can do it. There may be days you can’t bear to leave the house and that’s okay. In the beginning, I was going to do it all-dishes, laundry, clean (well, clean enough) house. Now at the end of the day if we are all in one piece I consider it a major achievement. You will do fine!!!

  24. Hi! I think you should cut yourself a break and accept all the help you can get… I have never had to do the more than one child thing due to my craptucular uterus (I have stage 4 endo and polycystic ovarian syndrome, though we are trying *fingers crossed*) but I am sure it is difficult, but it will all work out. *Hugs*

  25. it is so scary, and it gets harder before it gets easier. the thought of my husband going back to work after babycakes was born sent chills down my spine. i cried each night for the 4 days before he went back. so scary!! but we’ve all survived for almost 2 years now, i have never lost anyone, and we’re all still in 1 piece. it can be done, and you can do it!!

  26. Can you send your Dad up here next? Because, I keep losing my kids. Almost 3 year olds are fast! You will be fine- I have faith.

  27. I remember when I was about 8 months pregnant with Meelie and thinking…OMG..there is NO WAY that I’m going to be able to handle two. After she was born and my mom and dad left…I suprised myself and did much better than I thought I would. I kind of played it by ear, or whatever, did a lot of improvising and learned while I went along. You can do it Zoot!

  28. Me and my brother are 28 months apart. How my Mum put up with us both I’ll never know!

    When I was 8 my cousin Tori arrived and My Mum would look after her during the holidays while my auntie worked part time (so then she had three of us to look after) I guess it wasn’t so bad because it was 1 part time and 2 with me being that bit older I could keep up with Tori if she ran off.

    Then in 2000 my cousin Joey arrived by which point Tori was 6ish and me and rich were old enough that we could pick Joey up if ran off rather than just grabbing by the wrist.

    My Mum, and My Aunt (and my other two aunts who had two kids) rock my socks how they manage to put up with us. Any Mum who handles 3 or more kids gets a massive gold star in my book!!! You are amazing!

  29. Oh, zoot, this title breaks my heart. You are a wonderful mother. Feeling in over your head at this new stage is totally normal! Let’s thank Nature for giving you a father who can come and help out, because you deserve only GOOD things from the universe. No, make that GREAT THINGS.

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