About Me

The Next Phase

Well…it turns out I’m not so good at making money from home. I did make a little bit, but I found myself not able to get as much done with a toddler around as I needed/wanted to. Which means I was starting to get really stressed out about money because we were about to run through my severance.

(Who am I kidding? I was getting really stressed out about money.)

Luckily – my old job called and wants me back. There have been big changes over there and they have money now. Enough to offer me a raise that will allow me to come back only 3 days a week at first. Which essentially means I’ll be able to bring home close to the same amount of money as I was before, but working only Tues, Wed, and Thursdays. And this means when AndyZ is born, and I go back to work full-time, I’ll make enough to cover both kids in daycare and still bring home a little to pay bills with. So in reality? This is a blessing and a gift and I am eternally grateful we didn’t have to do anything drastic with our finances…like cancel cable.

Now that I’ve gotten the obligatory “I’m So Lucky!” paragraph out of the way – can I get down to the irrational but very true part and have none of you judge me?

I cried all night long.

As a matter of fact, I cried just typing that sentence. I’m crying again over the keyboard. I’m a mess!

I’ve enjoyed these two months home with NikkiZ more than I ever imagined I would. I called her daycare yesterday and they’re thrilled to have her back. Of course, there’s no part-time enrollments available so I’ll have to pay full-time for only three days, but it will guarantee she’ll have that spot full-time after AndyZ is born. And having to send her anywhere else would not be something I’d want to do. So, we’ll suck it up. But it took every bit of will power I had not to burst into tears talking to them on the phone. We’re going today to re-register her, and when I told her we were going to see her old teachers she said, “You come with me?” When I told her “Yes,” she got very excited. She really did love it there.

I don’t know. I feel like such an asshole because, I worked for two years before. This is not a big deal. And I need to be a grown-up and quit the damn crying already. It’s just life. And I enjoy working. More importantly – I feel like my family gets a better version of me when I’m not home all day.

But I still can’t stop crying.

And of course – as I do with any life changes – I had to do a redesign of my site last night. It’s my therapeutic way of working through extreme emotions. I apologize if you hate the changes so much, but in reality? It helps me process things to design – and I needed that last night. (Don’t worry, I’m still tweaking a few colors, the sidebar links don’t show up very well.)

I’m still working out the details of when I’ll return officially, but it will be within the next week or so. I’ll know more later today after I drop of registration for NikkiZ at her old daycare. I really am thrilled about this situation because I was starting to run out of options. These people know me, they know I’m pregnant, and they wanted me anyway. There aren’t many companies out there who would feel the same. And I’m excited about the new things I’ll be working on…and about doing that work without a 2-year-old crawling on my back.

Essentially – It’s just the typical situation where my brain is all, “Whoopee! Work! Career! Job! Money!” but my heart is all, “Ouch. This hurts.”

91 thoughts on “The Next Phase”

  1. Oh honey! Congratulations… and sympathies. I know exactly that mixture of emotions and you are totally justified in feeling both of them.

  2. If you were here, I’d just give you a big hug. So, hug yourself good and tight for me – and everybody else out here in The Blog.

  3. I know my mother would have loved, loved the chance to stay home with my sister, brother and I if she could have – and she could have – if we kept living where we were living, in a tiny duplex in a bad neighborhood with poor schools. But that wasn’t an option in my parents’ mind, so they up and moved us to a bigger house in a great area with the best school district they could find, and she and my dad both worked full time, and even then they only furnished our bedrooms with fancy nice furniture so we’d be comfortable with the move – and left two of the rooms in the downstairs without furniture for TEN YEARS. Yet in that whole time, we had girl scouts, and dance classes, and summer camp, and anything at all we wanted. While I know how much my mother really wanted to be at home with us, now at 26 years old, I can see that her working her tail off every day was also all for us as well. I’m not really good at making a point, so I’m going to have to ask you to infer your own from all of that. There’s just more than one way to do the very best by your kids.

    And congratulations on getting your job back – if you love the job that much, you’re already a step ahead of most of us!

  4. I am so sorry and so happy for you at the same time!
    You will fall back into a groove, but I can see how it would be a hard adjustment

  5. Aww, Zoot, I’m sure it will all work out. You just go ahead and allow yourself tears if you need them. Of course you’re sad … and happy. There’s nothing wrong with feeling mixed emotions. Best of luck with all of it.

  6. oh Zoot–first, you got me all panicky, starting off my day with the same titles entry as Carrisa’ and we all know where that was goin!! I thought you were goin all RSM on me!! (I mean that in a funny, ironic way, not a mean way, all the best to two of my other favorite bloggers) ( I am not a meanie).
    On the other hand, I think I would go nuts if I had to stay in the house 24/7. I think I would go shopping every day just out of boredom–as long as I was back by 3:10 pm. I need the social interaction, and working parttime, I think i have the best of both worlds. I am gone long enough for them to miss me, and home enough for them to get sick of me!! I think the trick is to do what makes you happy. cuz y’know, if mama not happy, then nooooobody’s happy!!!

  7. It seems like you are reacting perfectly normal. I don’t think it’s odd at all — it’s ok to be happy and sad simultaneously! It’s a difficult thing to process, especially when it happens unexpectedly. It sounds like a wonderful place to work and you have a wonderful place to send NikkiZ – so I guess a congratulations and a I’m sorry sums it all up!!

  8. it is totally okay to feel sad about having to go back. You and NikkiZ have a great bond going on, and it isn’t going to change. That is just AWESOME that your old job wants you back. Even better that you WANT to go back. Now if I could just find a job that I liked? Life would be good.

  9. Aww, I think it’s totally natural that you’re feeling all conflicted like this – you’ve had a lot of change in a short period of time, and it’s got to be tough to deal with that.

    On the plus side, I’m loving the look of the site 🙂

  10. I am really happy for you and your family that this situation turned out this way. It really sounds like the ideal arrangement. How wonderful to have an employer so understanding of your needs and so willing to accomodate. Not to sounds cliche, but this really is a “Win-Win” situation!
    I just resigned a rather high paying position due to the amount of travel it was starting to demand and the high stress that it was putting on me and therefore the entire family-we all know if mommy’s stressed, everyone’s stressed! I am now interviewing for PT positions so I will be able to be home to get the kids from school and do all that mom stuff that I have been missing. It will be tight, but hopefully the kids will think the sacrifice of “stuff” is a worth it to have me around (I really hope so anyway).
    On another note- we are thinking about having another child and are in the same familial situation as you– we have a boy and a girl and a 3 bedroom house. The boy is 11, the girl is 6-what sleeping arrangement would be best? I hate to have 11 yr old share with a possible baby brother. And I don’t know how I feel about having a girl so much older have to share with a boy. If we could guarantee having a girl, problem solved! Then I think, well, if they can sweat it out til oldest runs off the college………….Thoughts?
    Sorry so long!

  11. It’s bittersweet isn’t it? I can’t wait for my maternity leave to be over – 4 more months! I can’t wait to be a “better version of me”. Very well put.

  12. Bittersweet, indeed.

    But it’s really the best of both worlds, I think. Listen, can they call me and give me a job, too?

    You’ll miss your days with LilZ, for sure. I cry just thinking about going back to work after Alice is born…and I have 6 months to go. But I know it will be okay. It just HAS to be okay.

    I love the notion of the “better version” of you. I often wonder if I have one and where is it?

  13. The emotions of being a mom are so complex. Yes, that is WONDERFUL news. All of it. And yes, I feel your sadness too. I’ll be thinking about you a lot during these next weeks.

  14. Hey Zoot. I love the new design. Really, it’s my favorite that you’ve ever had. Anyways, I just have to tell you when I saw the title of this post I was like “Nooooooo!” cause I thought you were shutting down your site. I only thought that cause RSM had that title yesterday and then said she was through blogging. I’m a daily reader and I would feel lost without my dose of Zoot. =) Anyways, I think the job thing is GREAT! You’re getting the best of BOTH worlds now……work a few days AND stay home a couple days! You are very lucky!

  15. Love all the purple! And congrats on going back to work. It’s probably bittersweet, but now you can pack extra fun stuff into your Mondays and Fridays with NikkiZ, like lunches with LilZ. Congrats on being reemployed!

  16. It’s alright to cry. It does hurt. And the emotional isn’t logical and vice versa. Being excited about the work, the financial stability and all that entails says nothing about how you feel being away from your child(ren). I’m sure when LilZ first went to school you were upset on one side and excited in other ways. It’s normal — and quite honestly, any reaction other than the one you’re having would have me worried about you (because it would feel out of character for you…not because it would be wrong for anyone in general).

  17. I don’t have children yet, but I can sympathize with this post. I’m a planner, so I’ve been putting serious thought into whether or not I could, should, would become a SAHM when we do have children. I enjoy my career – but I know that it can be very rewarding to stay home and raise your kids. To make it even more difficult, we live in an area where my husbands income alone, really won’t cut it, but daycare takes away about half of my salary.

    I don’t think either choice is right or wrong. I don’t think that the zoot children will feel any less loved if you work than they would if you stayed home. I think they do pick up on when parents are stressed out. I know I did. If having the money comming in will keep you from being stressed (which it does for me), then that’s the best choice for you and your family.

    Congrats on the job, best wishes for your heart. I’m sure that everything will work out for the best.

  18. Sounds like once the crying stops, you’ll have a nice work-home balance! A few days with the kiddos at home and then a few days to get some work done. Congratulations!

  19. I am so glad you are finding happiness … I hope this turns out to be the perfect solution for you all.

    Love the redesign, especially the title/sidebar heading fonts! They rock! (I am a font freak… but since switching to Mac, haven’t added any new ones yet.)

  20. Congratulations. I can complete relate to the tears though. I just got good news regarding my health but kept weeping. It took me all day to figure out why. But now I feel better. (I’m not just a drama queen, I did have something to be concerned about.)

    I hope you get all you wish.

  21. COngrats on getting your job back! But I understand how hard it must be on you. It’s OK to cry. =) Crying isn’t a bad thing. *hugs*

    I do have to say, when I first read your subject, I was afraid you were going to have the same announcement RSM had yesterday. ^^;

  22. Oh I’m so happy for you, but I know you’re sad that things couldn’t work out. Let yourself grieve for what cannot be. Look at it this way: you get the best of both worlds. If you want to spend time with your kids on the days you’re not working, you always have that option.

    Also, the redesign is pretty!

  23. I’m glad you got your old job back. And part time is awesome. It’s like you get 4 day weekends all the time.

    I think that would be my ideal situation when I have a kid.

  24. Oh, poor kitten! I can only imagine the tidal wave (groan… sorry for the cliché) of emotions you’re feeling. How awesome that your work wants you back, though! And at least NikkiZ is going to a place that she loves where she is loved in return. You cry all you want and need to. Just don’t short out your computer. Gotta have me my daily Zoot! 🙂 Seriously, *hugs* for you. Use this new swell of emotions as a way to make your family clean the house with toothbrushes and Q-Tips, pausing only to bring you lots and lots of chocolate. And if chocolate is bad for pregnant women, then lots and lots of pregnancy-approved foods. Like mac -n- cheese (hope hope). 🙂

    LOVE the purple and LOVE the ‘Zoot font,’ whatever it is.

    Be well … we <3 you! 🙂

    Max

  25. We would worry if it didn’t hurt. It hurts me & I don’t really even “know” you.

    Congratulations though, you’ve gotten yourself 4 day weekends! SCORE!

  26. This is an awesome new design!

    3 days on 4 days OFF what a luxury – you’ll have a great work / life balance! Woo Hoo!

    Plus a little extra for some retail therapy at Target!!

  27. Zoot, don’t feel like an asshole. This is another huge change in your life, and of course it’s going to be emotional. If I were in your shoes I think I’d be reacting the same way.

    Best of luck to you and your family!

    (By the way, purple is my favorite color ever, so naturally I LOVE the new deisgn!)

  28. I work a Tues., Wed., Thurs. (occasional Fri. schedule). It’s full time though, but I love having that long weekend most weeks. We are at that point in our lives where we have to find daycare for our little guy (11 months old). I’m stressing out about the logistics—awkward schedules, money, money, transitions, money. My Mom had been taking care of him but she is moving 4 hours away in a couple of months and that leaves us high and dry on the caretaker front. I have no idea what to do. We can’t live on one income so we have to find care. I just hope we are able to find good quality daycare (that enriches, nurtures, and educates) that won’t break the bank. Blah…

  29. The boss at your old job has been hinting at a big announcement coming, but hasn’t said what yet – I’m going to take a wild guess and say that you’re part of the announcement LOL. Don’t worry – I won’t tell!! I am glad you’re going back, though, but make sure to tell Boss to keep being as available as he was, as it was making everyone happy.

    As for working from home, it is difficult. You shouldn’t feel ashamed. I honestly don’t know how someone could make enough blogging from home. I know that I have to do quite a few SEO articles and other articles in order to make ends meat, and I use the blogging money as sort of mad money (or to pay for the kibble that I’ll need now that I got two puppies that will be BIG dogs!) I think that part of you feels bad because you feel like you failed – you really didn’t! You have a job that affords you the ability to work part time, and to work at home if you need to. You’re doing something that you love to do, and that you’re good at. NikkiZ and AndyZ will get the benefit of socialization a few days a week and will get to have Mommy time as well.

  30. I hear you. This was my first full week back at work, and because of the time of year that meant late nights and lots of travel. Last night I held the baby for an hour after she fell asleep, because I didn’t get a chance to cuddle with her while she was awake.

    Bittersweet is the right word.

    I love my job.

    I love my kid.

    I think I’ll have to get by using the “better version of me” argument, the knowledge that she’s gaining independence and social skills while at daycare, and the fact that I will value my time with her more when it is limited. But it still sucks.

  31. Oh, I totally understand the mixed feelings. Let yourself cry and process it and feel better.

    Then, you just may find, as I did, that working part time like that is the best balance ever. I was at my best as a mom and as an employee when I worked 3 days/week. That meant I spent enough time with my kids to have that special time, and enough time away from them focusing on work that I loved and I was good at, that made me feel competent and complete. I wish that for you.

  32. I’m very excited for you, because I know how hard it is when money stresses you out. I DON’T know about being away from my children, because I ain’t got none, but I imagine that is hard and I have an idea of the heart/brain struggle. Just remember that $$ is good, and NikkiZ loves her preschool!

  33. I’m glad there’s some options for you, now.

    Deep breaths, and, one day at a time. Any type of change is hard, no matter how sweet or bittersweet.

  34. Aw, you must be having so many mixed emotions right now. That’s great, and also sad. But, you know, great! I know your policy on the whole religion thing has kind of lapsed, butr I think things happen for a reason, and generally work out the way they’re supposed to. You deserve some good karma, and this sounds like a blessing to me! 🙂

  35. Congrats on the job news! I am sure it will be hard to lose all that time with NikkiZ, so I understand your conflicted feelings.

  36. Huge hug and a kiss on your forehead – coz that’s how I roll….HA! It sucks when your head and heart are conflicted. XO

  37. Yeah, definitely a poor choice of post title. You nearly gave me a heart attack there! 🙂

    CONGRATULATIONS though. I know this will ease a lot of your worries in the long run. And if you weren’t a little sad then I’d worry about you. 😉 (LOVE the design!)

  38. Congratulations on the job, and all that, but I’m *so* sorry you’re in this situation. As hard as it is, it sounds like you’re doing the right thing and that you, and your family, will be all the better for it.

    {{{hugs}}}

  39. I think you should be more worried if you were NOT crying. Conflicted feelings are probably more healthy. I think most mothers feel conflicted because as of yet, no one has figured out the Perfect Solution for balancing career with motherhood.

  40. NEVER EVER EVER EVER EVER… use that as a post title AGAIN! I can only handle one person using that with a post, and then they tell me that they are done with blogging (RSM!). Thanks for scaring the crap out of me! 😀

  41. Awww…

    {hugs}

    I totally understand where you’re coming from. If I were to go back to work away from home now, I would be so lost, confused and crazy emotional…Shed your tears and feel our hugs 🙂

  42. First of all, I love the new design! I have a thing for purple.

    That’s wonderful news about the job. I know a lot of people over there will be glad to have you back. Plus, you really are getting the best of both worlds. I know it will be hard transitioning back, but at least you’ll still have a couple of extra days a week with NikkiZ.

    Wishing you the best of luck during this time of change. It seems there’s always something new to adjust to, but that’s what keeps life interesting, right?

  43. I have always been a SAHM except for a year and a half when my oldest son was not quite 1. I worked part time and the first week I was working I sobbed every single night from the guilt. Then I realized after my husband was getting quite horrified at my behavior that I just needed to suck it up.

    He (the son, not the hubby) went to day care, he didn’t break or get beaten or learn swear words (that came later, at school). It was, gasp, just fine.

    But I get the crying part, I totally do.

  44. For what it’s worth, I like the new design.

    Also, to make yourself feel better, may I recommend going to Thomas Pit BBQ on 72 near Wall Triana (sorry if the spelling’s off, it’s been a while). It may be a bit of a drive, but man, their pulled pork and hush puppies are what I imagine heaven to be made of.

  45. By the way, forgot to congratulate you on getting your new job.

    Also? Your post title threw me off – BIG time! Thought you were going RSM’s route and leaving the blogosphere. Not all at once now, ok? I still need to get my fixes…Thanks 🙂

  46. I read and commented on RSM’s entry yesterday, so you would THINK I would have KNOWN better than to give this entry this title. Of course everyone would assume the worse! Sorry! I was crying and not thinking! I have since added to the title so that no one will think I’m dropping the blog.

  47. At least your boss sounds like a nice guy (muwahahaha). The bright side is that we can still have play dates on Mondays or Fridays!!
    I am sorry that this is such a bittersweet time for you. If it helps at all…I like the new look!

  48. Pretty bittersweet, huh? I would be sad too. I would love to be able to stay home, but, it’s just not possible at the moment. It would be hard for me to have time off and then make the decision to go back to work again. But, as you said NikkiZ is excited to see her teachers and friends and that makes such a difference. At least you will get 2 extra days off each week to spend with your kids.

    Congrats.

  49. Congratulations on the job news. It sounds like it will work out well.

    I understand the mixed emotions as well. When I had to go back to work after my adoption leave ended, I cried and cried because I felt like I was somehow failing my children. Maybe that is, on some level, how society can make one feel…(Man, when I think of the debates between some working mothers and SAHMs, my stomach hurts. I can never read/get involved in those because I always feel crappy afterwards.) Anyway, I realize now that I am doing the best thing for my family. I make money so that we are able to do things that we want, but I do feel better getting out of the house and doing other things. It’s also like a “time out” for me…I’m able to leave the house and focus on other things so that when I come home I feel better equipped to deal.

    (EEK! I really rambled. Sorry!)

  50. How tough! This motherhood stuff really is never clean-cut, is it? There’s no such thing as getting exactly what we want, dammit!
    I think it’s fabulous that your old job is not only willing to hire you for more $, but also knowing that you’ve got maternity leave coming up this spring. GO YOU.

  51. I would feel the same way if I had gotten to stay at home for a while. I think I’m a better mommy when I’m working, even though a big part of me would love nothing better than to stay at home. It sucks when decisions have to be made because of finances, but it sounds like it could hardly have turned out better. Congratulations on your new-again job!

  52. I know I don’t comment much anymore but I am really excited for you —which job is it, maps or blogs?

    And, I love the purple and so does Phoebe!

  53. Okay, This SUCKS! No, seriously, not your decision or the fact that you have to go back to work or the fact that you love your daughter enough that it breaks your heart, but the emotional upheaval. That Sucks. You are trying to do your best for everyone and sometimes that makes you cry. But yeah it is not fun and yeah it sucks. I am so proud of you for just letting it all out there. And we will all be here for you that first day that you drop her off. I so wish that I could just take all of you in and make it better.

  54. Congratulations! That must be an awesome feeling, being so wanted. I -so- appreciate your honesty in saying that the version of you that is a mom who works outside of the house is a better version, a better mom. And I totally understand how it still makes you cry. Good luck!

  55. I hear ya sister. So, first – congratulations! Secondly, I think it’s totally normal. I stayed home for 6 months last year with then 3 yo E and 1 yo A. I loved it. I hated it. I stressed about money. I went back to work. And now, six months after being back at work I still wonder weekly if I made the right decision. Did I try hard enough to be a SAHM or did I sabotage myself? I think that PT is a wonderful compromise. You get to have your work and you get special one-on-one time with NikkiZ on the other days.

    Clearly you have good karma – the universe was watching out for you 🙂

  56. Oh, sweetie. It’s totally understandable but like you said, this makes you a better mom. You’re doing what’s best for your family, just like always. Love the new design too! 🙂

  57. Thank you for clarifying about your blog NOT ending. After Carrisa and RSM, I’m not sure what I would do!

  58. Congratulations! It was so hard to return to work after being home with my daughter but it is so much easier knowing there is a steady paycheck instead of having to worry about making money online.

  59. Being able to pay your bills is a good thing. Leaving your sweet babies at daycare is…well, it sucks…but it’s a part of life (for some of us). Dude, it does suck.

    Best of luck with the changes. 🙂

    (So is this your old job or your old, old job…are you going back to maps?)

  60. how dare you name this post the same thing as rsm did when she announced she was shutting down shop. you scared me! change may be good in the end but in the middle of it, sucks. just remember that nikki is happy at daycare and you are just as good of a momma as you were when you were home all day. why don’t you eat some chocolate? it is good for keeping the dementors away.

  61. My heart hurts for you. I hope you’ll become more comfortable with your situation as it becomes your reality. It’s complicated to be a mom, isn’t it? Your situation is probably a little more complicated by your being pregnant. I was pregnant when my oldest graduated from high school, right through taking him to college. I remember just sobbing and sobbing. I had the hardest time controlling my emotions. I still have a hard time figuring out if I was so emtional because my first “baby” was going off to college, or if it was exagerrated by my pregnancy hormones. In the end, it doesn’t matter, I was how I was, and I had to deal with it. It’s really hard. It will get easier…I hope, or you’ll figure out another path. I’ll be thinking of you.

  62. OMG! The boss has been hinting at an announcement, and now I’m DOUBLEY excited to hear it! I’m so glad you’ll be back! You were definitely missed!

    I know how it hurts to leave the babies, I’ve been lucky to have this time alone with mine – but boy am I glad they all go to school. *L* Cuz seriously – they drive me bananas. Love them like crazy, but oy.

    Anyway, Congrats! I’m so happy for you!

  63. Yea, and it least you were able to give Nikki Z 2 months of your full attention before the baby will arrive. How wonderful you can just work 3 days. You have every mother’s dream. Adult world and kid world. Congrats!

  64. Glad to hear that your old job wants you back but sorry to hear that other things did not work out so well. I wish you luck at your new old job.

  65. Congratulations. It sucks to be stressed out about money.

    You guys will transition back into a routine in no time. Plus, 3 days a week? That’s great – you two can still spend some time together during the week, but you get some time to yourself too.

    You will make the best of it – you always do!

  66. Wow, what a blessing about your job! That is awesome. And I’m so sorry you’re going through the sadness of leaving NikkiZ. I have never had to go through that, but the emotions you’re feeling must be so hard. I hope the transition goes smoothly for all of you. How great is it that you were able to stay home with that sweet little girl, even if it was for a short time! Congratulations on getting your job back!

  67. Ah motherhood. Riddled with the guilt. I can totally relate. Rather than offer you words of wisdom (I have none) just know that others have been there and felt the same way. Try not to beat yourself up over the way you think you should feel but rather enjoy the moment. I know, easier said than done. Congratulations?

  68. I’m glad I got here late enough for the adjusted title! Yeesh 😉
    I’m happy that you’re happy, and sad that you’re sad. I totally understand the mixed emotions. It’s great that you had this time at home with Nikki 🙂

  69. Honey, welcome to my life for the past eight years. Just wait til the hormones really kick in, when you’re in your forties. Sheer joy.

    ps — I LOVE the new design, it’s gorgeous.

  70. Congrats; that is great news! I know it sucks to have to leave SAHM-mommyhood behind, but since it’s only 3 days a week, hopefully the transition won’t be too hard.

  71. mnsm31 – Hello I write this blog basically to let out whatever I may think of, but pretty much I am a pessimistic person, so it will more or less be about BS that is happening either to me and or around me. I am a single mother to a lil boy who just turned 3! and I will be referring to him as son. I will change details of stories that may come up on here to protect the innocents who DON'T KNOW I write this blog. as for as most of the stuff I have written with in the last year, its just pretty much..blah, but I am trying to get my shit together here for me and my son, and it takes alot of work and determination. I am trying to stick to my guns, and get out of this quick sand trap I have been stuck in for the last 4 years of my life.
    lindz says:

    WOW, Zoot, thats wonderfully excellent!

    you have smart employers!
    they know they lost something good, and they wanted it back.
    I can believe its hard, and emotionally straining, to have to switch back, and go to work, and have NikkiZ in daycare, when you got USE to being home with her all day, (although) it was not easy at times. you grew to love it.
    that must be tough.

    don’t cry zoot.

  72. Why are you still in your pajamas? Is it because you want to be like me? (you’re going to need a flat iron)

    I send you the hugs of many arms across the miles. It is such a dilemma to stay home/go to work. what is the right choice? Is there a right choice?

    I trust you to make the right decision for you and any decision is hard. With each choice we give up something but let’s celebrate the happiness of having choices.

    Much love and happiness to you my friend

  73. At the beginning of this I was all, That is awesome! I’m so happy for you! And then as I read on I just wanted to give you a hug and hold you. You are such a good mother and I am so excited for whatever lies ahead for you!

  74. i’d say that i’d cry too because you wouldn’t be able to blog as much…but we all know that you blogged just as much then, too.

    sorry…couldn’t think of anything wonderful and inspiring to say.

  75. Swistle – Thistleville – Swistle lives with her husband Paul and children Robert (born 1999), William (born 2001), twins Elizabeth and Edward (born 2005), and Henry (born 2007). Email: Swistle at Gmail dot com. "Swistle" rhymes with "thistle."
    Swistle says:

    I am happy/sorry. I hate changes. They feel better later, after the poor yanked roots have dug in again.

  76. Congratulations! I can totally imagine that this is bittersweet for you. And everything happens for a reason, so this is what you and your family need now, but that doesn’t mean you won’t have an opportunity later on down the road to be a SAHM again with NikkiZ and AndyZ.

  77. Congratulations! It sounds like a great opportunity. I feel your pain about excited about going back to work and sad to not be home with the kids anymore. It really is a heartbreaking decision. Good luck with the new (old) job!

  78. Congratulations! Especially getting to start off 3 days a week. That will be nice. I couldn’t imagine having to be in your place. It is all so bittersweet. From what I know of you via your blog, you are a strong woman! You will make it through! And hooray for a nice place of work with nice people. Many people envy that!

  79. Congratulations on getting your job back. And the promotion! That’s wonderful.

    In the same vein, I’m so sorry that this time with NikkiZ is coming to an end. But how wonderful that you were able to score some extra bonding time with her before AndyZ’s arrival.

    Also, I’m going back to work next week, after a three-month maternity leave, and I’ve cried about it tons already, so much so that hopefully, come Wednesday, there won’t be any left to spare.

  80. Congratulations! I know it’s really hard but the nice part is you’ll get to spend Monday’s and Friday’s just with NikkiZ without having to worry about trying to get work done. The pressure will be off. And the truth is – I cry probably every week about leaving my children and having to go to work.

  81. It sounds like this will be good. You still get two weekdays a week with NikkiZ. That’s nice. I do urge you to really think about things before going back to work after AndyZ. I mean if you are only bringing home a little for bills, you could cut back or do something at home very part time to make it through for a few years and then return to work. I know this is a private choice but baby time is such a precious time.

  82. I’m sure that was a tough decision, but like you said, your attitude is different when you haven’t been at home all day and you enjoy working outside the home. I think you deserve a big congratulations for not only trying this scenario, but ALSO for being offered this awesome raise. Yay! 🙂

  83. I hope the separation isn’t too painful.

    Congrats on returning to your job and having less stress about money.

  84. LPW – you know, life is just plain wierd ... are we supposed to figure it out, or do we just hold on with white knuckles, do our best to not flip out, and work each day to just do our best? What happens when doing our best is just not worth it at the moment ... do we have to lose our complete sense of self - who the heck is this 'hefty' person ... do we lose control of our finances, weight and hopes ... do we lose control of the kids ... EVERY TIME??? Hold on ... trying to get back in my 'right' mind ... we will see where we go!!
    Lauri says:

    CONGRATULATIONS!! as someone above said … you are one step ahead knowing you love your job! The rest will most certainly fally into place!

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