There have been many points in my life that I’ve been excited about an upcoming event. Filled with breathless anticipation. Thrilled. Happy. Counting down the seconds to the moment. There was the first day of high school, dates with crushes, proms, graduations, and so on. Events that I dreamt about for days previous.
But always – there’s also an element of nervousness. Of fear. Of anxiety. What if I fall? What if I get lost? What if I forget my lines? Things that put a slight damper on the excitement.
Four years ago today, however, I felt pure excitement. Unencumbered by nerves or fear. It was the day I married my husband.
Now – I planned my own wedding. So, the hours before were filled with anxiety as I put together the final touches on decorations, bouquets, cakes and wardrobe. There was a little bit of nervousness peppering the excitement the day of the wedding. But, 15 minutes before I was to walk down the aisle, my bridesmaids and I were held up in the bathroom hiding while the guests were getting seated. Those 15 minutes, I let go of all fear. I could think of nothing else than the fact that I was about to finally marry the man of my dreams. I was giddy with excitement as people were still asking me where they needed to be and what they needed to do. I think I told several people, “I don’t care!” as I laughed with joy. All I cared about in those moments was marrying my best friend. Pure excitement. No fear.
MrZ and I had dated for three years before we were married. We had faced many challenges getting us far past the butterflies-in-the-stomach phase. Long past the blind lust phase. Far away from the naive and blind love phase. We were solid. We had a foundation.
Yet that day, in those moments, I was giddy. I giggled non-stop. I kept exclaiming, “I’m about to get married!” And for the 15 minute wedding (we moved fast), the pure joy continued. As LilZ and my Dad walked me down the aisle, as MrZ, LilZ, and I lit the unity candle. As we listened to poetry and James Taylor. As we said our vows and exchanged our rings. I was filled with love and happiness undaunted by fear. When we were finally pronounced “married” – I actually “Whoo!”ed. With my arms in the air and everything.
There were many naysayers in our past. Only our closest friends and family saw what we had and trusted it – so every anniversary that passes I love to laugh at those people. The ones that gave us an expiration date. An old college friend actually told MrZ that leaving Atlanta to be with me in Huntsville, would be a mistake. We always laughed at those comments, because it was like we had our own secret. We knew the truth.
Four years later and I’m still just as happy. Just as excited. Just as joyful. Just as blessed to have married my best friend, my strongest supporter, my gentlest critic, my true love.