About Me, My Childhood

Talking to myself again.

Dear 7th-Grade-Zoot,

The most important thing that I, the 32-year-old You, want to say is this: Ms. De will be the worst teacher you will ever have. It only goes up from here. I promise. She is not nice to you (and is super nice to all the other girls, WTF?) but you will have a long list of teachers you love from here on out. And they’ll love you. Some of them will touch you in ways you’ll never forget. Wait. That sounded bad. They don’t actually touch you. I’m freaking you out now, aren’t I?

Anyway – I know she makes you cry at night, but don’t let her. Don’t give her that power. She doesn’t deserve it. Screw her.

Another thing: All of those research papers you’re assigned to write this year that are giving you your first taste of anxiety attacks? They aren’t that important. Trust me. Let your Dad help you, don’t resist him so much. He’s smart, you know. If you would just drop the attitude you might learn from him. And quit with the procrastinating already. They are stressing you out because you’re waiting until the last minute, dumbass. Stop that shit.

Don’t wear the purple eye shadow. That stupid teacher will call you out about it in front of the whole class and you’ll be embarrassed and stand in the bathroom washing your face crying. I would love to tell you, “Tell her to suck it!” but I know you won’t. So instead – just don’t wear it. Avoid the embarrassment. That way the adult you can quit having damn nightmares about it already.

You know that weird attraction you have to skater boys? Especially Ryan – who will eventually be your first real boyfriend? Keep with that theme in your life. It’s a good theme. Skater boys are cute. You end up marrying a really hot skater boy.

Embrace the curls. You can’t fight them. Learn to love them.

Stop crying. You cry a lot at night. You feel lonely. But, the things is, you’re really not lonely. You’re just hormonal and feeling a little out of place right now. Talk to your Dad more about it – he ends up giving you some really good advice later in life, once you finally start asking him advice. Update from 2020: I know understand after years of therapy that I suffered from extreme anxiety and depression during those years. 32-year-old me hadn’t learned the language around her own mental health yet.

Most importantly – it only goes up from here. You will make a lot of mistakes, but even at your darkest moments, you will never feel as sad as you do right now. Let that give you peace. Once you embrace your differences, you’ll feel much better. Quit trying to fit in, and just be you. You aren’t going to be as pretty as Caroline, as loved as Mollie, or as funny as Dana or as smart as Teal. But that’s okay. You don’t need to look at them all and feel sad. Instead, be happy that you aren’t exactly like them. Be happy about who you are.

Maybe, if you start learning these things now, the 32-year-old-You will be able to finally stop being so insecure too.


18 thoughts on “Talking to myself again.”

  1. Whoa, am completely honored and forever grateful for your linkage. To show you my appreciation, I will give you my 3rd born son. (My husband had the big V a year and a half ago, I don’t think you’re in any real danger.)

    And umm, is that a silk shirt? Because I had a silk shirt that looked just like that. I wore it all the time with my jeans with the different colored pockets. My junior high years… they were colorful.

  2. What an incredibly wonderful idea! And what a great job you did of it, even if you did make me tear up a time or two. And, um, what a great blouse…I think…ahem…

  3. Yea, 7th grade was definitely the worst year of them all, wasn’t it?

    Don’t be surprised if you see me totally stealing this idea here pretty soon. 😉

  4. I like the whole “Write a letter to your teenage self” thing that has been circling.

    If I wrote one I have a bad feeling most of it would be imploring me to STOP with the perms!!! Oh, and that annually using the same amount of Aqua Net as the entire Soviet Union is probably just not a good idea.

  5. I think I had that same shirt…and hair style. You looked fabulous, really.

    I would also tell my 13 year old sef to chill with the crying and feeling so alone all the time. That phase in life was so brief to be so down all the time.

  6. I loved this entry….I may have to borrow the idea at some point.

    Also? Both years of Jr High were complete HELL for me….emotionally and hormonally! Seriously. One of my teachers…or maybe it was my evil counselor…made me see the school psychologist because they didn’t think I was handling it too well- so I got pulled out of different classes during the school year for the visits ….when in reality…that just made it WORSE by a million times.

  7. I am totally loving the idea of this letter. Seventh grade was a NIGHTMARE for me. I won’t bore you with the details, I’ll just write about them instead!

    I AM SO EXCITED ABOUT MY E-VITE. Is it weird that I keep checking my inbox a bajillion times a day? Or maybe just slightly stalkerish….

    PS- my first love was a skaterboy too. Sigh. We are still really good friends to this day. Isn’t that funny?

  8. Do you listen to country music? Have you heard Brad Paisley’s “Letter to Me”? It’s a letter to himself at 17 years old, only in a song, and it’s amazing. You would love at least the lyrics if not the music! It’s on his newest album, 5th Gear.

  9. Awwwwwwww. I want to give your teenage self a hug. And I kinda want to call you Kimmy Gibler, because that shirt reminds me of Full House fashion (which I took part in, as well).

  10. Such an awesome idea! Love going thru it.. i know it must have been tough for you.. i can relate to a lot of things you must have felt back then.. but look at how things turned out.. you have lovely kids, you are pregnant (wohoooo), you have a hunk for a husband and he even does your kitchen!!

    whoah! i am almost jealous of ya 🙂

  11. Ugh if I were to write to my middle-school self I would have to be honest and say enjoy it, that these are some of your best years, because high school is going to suck in ways you don’t even know it can suck and life is hell until spring of your freshman year at college. Only then will things look up. I don’t want to freak me out so I won’t let her know.

  12. Seeing that picture is like having a flash back. Besides having a similar colorful silk shirt, I think I spent 89% of jr high in the bathroom respraying my hair and touching up my makeup because I could run into a skater boy at ANY moment. The other percent was spent walking up and down a neighboring street that was home to the cutest skater boy in the whole town. 🙂

  13. The purple eyeshadow was cool and don’t beat yourself up about that!!
    YOU were the smart one not me. I wondered if I could ever be as smart as you.
    You are right we gave Ms. D way too much power over our 7th grade selves. She wasn’t worth it:)
    I’ve missed you!!

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