About Me, Marriage

It’s like we came from two different worlds.

When you start seriously dating someone, or living with them, or marry them, you start to see that there are different ways of doing domestic things that you may not have considered. Sometimes, this is enlightening and you’ll adopt their way. However, a lot of the times you do NOT do things their way and you can either 1) Pick one way and stick with it 2) Find a compromise or 3) Each continue doing things your separate way.

MrZ has to fall asleep with the TV on. As in, he can NOT sleep if there is nothing playing in front of him to watch. This was tough since I never had TV in my bedroom. We first put a TV in the bedroom and then eventually I learned to tolerate (for the most part) the TV being on. However, there are still some nights when I’m struggling to sleep that I just can’t fall asleep with it on. Then I’ll either go sleep on the couch for a little while, or I’ll just wait until he falls asleep. But for the most part, I’ve adopted his “way” in that matter.

However, I also learned that MrZ refuses to wear new clothes until they’ve been washed. He has sensitive skin and has grown up understanding that the mystery chemicals or grudge on the clothing could cause a breakout of some sort. So, they must be washed first. This Kills Me. I grew up understanding that every time you wash clothing, you lose a little bit of the “new” look. Nothing looks as good as when you first bring it home. I love wearing clothes straight off the rack and sometimes will do it once or twice before the first washing because I know they’ll never look that good again. So, in that case? We both continue to go our separate ways. We wash his clothes the second they come home, but mine get worn a few times first.

I find this whole development in relationships fascinating. Especially in our case because I’m always very quick to remind MrZ that I have given in on almost EVERY DEMAND he’s ever put forth. I wont bored you with the list (Like – Zoot: “No Video Game Systems Ever.” MrZ: “Every Video Game System Ever.” Now: I waiting at Circuit City in the cold with a baby last year, overnight, to buy a Nintendo Wii.) but there is a list. And I’m curious what your list is. What changed in your relationship? What weird habits did your partner have that you had to reprogram? What compromises were made? Do you wash your new clothes before you wear them?

44 thoughts on “It’s like we came from two different worlds.”

  1. My husband has to wash his clothes before he wears them. I on the other hand would rather have that new look.

    There is little that we have compromised on. We just continue to do things our own way. However, the thing that drives the most crazy is that he leaves dish towels on the counter. I have always put them away. I hate seeing them out. We visited his parents once and I saw that she had towels out on the counter. That’s when I gave up.

  2. Yes, I think all couples are forced to go through that adjustment. I lived with my husband before we married, but since he moved in with ME and was still trying to get in my pants and a ring on my finger, he did whatever I said. However, after he got me, things changed a bit. He has to wake up and IMMEDIATELY drink coffee in the morning. He cannot deal with the kids without it, whereas for me, the kids have to come first. Also, I never wanted my oldest to even see a video game until age 10, and here he is, three years old and racing cars on playstation. Then there’s the spanking issue..hubby grew up in the south where pops on the diaper are common. I grew up a liberal city girl who NEVER got spanked as a kid. I could go on and on…by the way, I don’t wash my new clothes before wearing them either event hough my mother always did. I don’t because i am impatientn and just want to wear my new stuff NOW.

  3. The Mistah also must wash new clothes before wearing them. I’d never heard of that before…I was always just So! Excited! to have New! Clothes! I could never imagine wearing anything but the new outfit!
    The Mistah is an enigma wrapped in a mystery. The man has a SPECIFIC ROUTINE in the shower, and never EVER may he vary that routine. Ever. Or else: frogs and locusts, doncha know?

  4. no new clothes washing, but the monkey does the tv thing, too. it kills me, and i feel like i don’t get good sleep almost ever because of it. but i know that if we don’t have the tv on, he tosses around like a little kid, huffing and flopping his legs because he CANNOT. GET. TO. SLEEP.

    i’d rather have the tv on.

    his one big compromise for me was not being 20 minutes late to everything. i can’t handle that, and slowly he learned that it was much easier to be on time than deal with the wrath of robyn. because when i’m late to something? my toes start to curl backwards and i start to shriek with such a high pitch only dogs and boyfriends can understand it.

  5. @Jessica – I said not gaming systems EVER and we now have all but the PS3.

    @Liz – my husband MUST shower first thing in the morning. No matter WHAT.

  6. I HAVE to have the tv on while going to sleep – and I always wear the clothes new.

    Even better – what types of things did your FAMILY do that you do different? Like my mom ALWAYS said new clothes had to be washed…and I usually wear them first. She HATED to make pancakes, so I make them frequently…ect.

    It makes you wonder what our children will do when THEY finally leave the nest!

  7. MD – Hates the clothes dryer, prefers to drape clothes everywhere in the house in the name of the environment (or whatever)

    ME- Actually almost had the big “O” when we got a dryer installed…seriously..there are no more clothes in the dining room now….wow, hot.

    MD – Could eat sandwiches for every meal for weeks at a time (he’s tried, really)

    ME – Cant; stand sandwiches…REFUSE to eat sandwiches for more than one meal.

    MD – Cannot physically put his clothes away at the end of the day (is there anything more gross than a pile of stinking socks at the end of the bed)

    ME – Stupidly started putting away his clothes about 6 years ago and haven’t stopped since (stupid, stupid girl)

  8. @wn – I put MrZ’s clothes away for him too forever. Until I noticed he’d start making snide comments about things being in the wrong place. So now I fold them but leave them in the laundry room. He keeps asking when I’ll go back to the other way and I’m all: NEVER. Heh. I’m such a loving wife.

  9. Must wear clothes before washing (with the exception of undergarments)
    TV must be on to sleep–husband hates, but it’s okay, he works 3rd shift.

    Our big argument–When spaghetti is made, do you throw the noodles in with the sauce, or do you let everyone do it separately. I have to say, I was raised dumping it all together, but I’ve gone to the darkside and discovered I like it with less sauce. Who knew?

  10. Oh, I love to keep the “new” look too, unless the clothes do have a chemical smell on them. Then I wash them first.

    Shane and I have our own “ways” of doing so many things that I’ve lost count. We usually manage to do things our own way … which drives the other person crazy. Although we do have a TV in the bedroom now, even though he was SO against it. I just wasn’t giving in on that. Heh.

  11. my hubby HAS to have his clothes washed first, but for the same reasons as MrZ – he’s got terribly sensitive skin. Once, I tried a diffrent kind of detergent, but made by the same brand we had been using, and the poor guy had a neack to toe rash for two weeks! I, however, like to wear my clothes straight from the bag. I’ve even been known to buy it, change into in the dressing room and wear it from the store. I also have been known to put off a washing just to keep that “new” look.

    The husb also has to shower first thing in the morning, even if it’s his day to get up with the baby, and she’s whining, he has to get in the shower. But I can’t do that. in fact, I don’t liek to shower until after my first cup of coffee. And if I wake up, and I don’t smell too bad and my hai looks good, I may not shower at all. I am so KLASSY. Ans he’s admitted that he really cannot understand how I can really go without a shower for a day. Clearly he does nto realize the power of a good hair day.

  12. My husband uses a brand new towel every time he showers. I grew up using the same towels a few times (you’re clean, after all)

    I’ve adopted his way because if I have to wash all his damn towels, then why should I have to hang mine up?

  13. I wash new clothes before I wear them. I don’t like the scratchy feel of clothes that have been chemically treated to keep from wrinkling. Not only that but, dude, you are now wearing the dead skin cells, sweat, perfume, funk, and possibly the critters of every person who tried those clothes on while they were in the store. Not to mention whatever dust, dirt, etc. were in the nasty factory in China where the clothes were produced. YUCK! Besides, why fall in love with the way a garment fits or looks if it is never going to look like that again? Might as well wash it and get on with the reality of your purchase.

  14. I’m afraid I make my husband wear earphones if he’s watching TV at night (or if he’s listening to music/tv etc ) during the day, because I am TOTALLY intolerant of noise, especially when I’m working or trying to sleep. I’m hyperventilating here at the very thought of having to have a TV in the bedroom πŸ™‚

    Also, with the new clothes – I’m with you all the way. They really never look that good again, but then, I’m lucky enough to have hard-ass, not-allergic-to-anything skin, so I guess it’s easy enough for me to say “No washing until worn!”

    Most of our re-training involves noise and mess, and, it has to be said that most of the compromising has been done on his part. Either I’m just perfect or I’m really, REALLY set in my ways!

  15. I hit snooze for, like, 45 minutes every morning. Or, at least I used to. That’s how I’ve waken up every morning since I got my first alarm clock when I was 10. But, my husband….he’s the type that wants to sleep uninterrupted until the last minute — he’ll just pop up, turn off the alarm and jump out of bed. I need that “5 more minutes”. . . several times. He can’t fall back asleep once he’s woke up. SO, as a comprimise, instead of setting the alarm 30-45 minutes early, I only set it 15 minutes early. And, hubby has learned to fall back asleep for those few doze minutes.

  16. Well Zoot, I’m finally going to comment (since I had alot to do with MrZ’s upbringing). I started using a TV to go to sleep back when I fist left home. I initially lived alone and the house was too quiet and the TV would drown out the shouting and gunshots in the neighborhood. Now I use the timer to shut it down in 30 minutes after TV has bored me to sleep. Sometimes MiMi can’t sleep and turns it back on which wakes me up. Oh well, I trained her. I don’t think her family (of 9) had but 1 TV anyway. Also, through the years I guess I saw that MrZ, BroZ and SisZ all had their own TV’s in their rooms, so it’s my fault. Video games – also my fault. I bought our first game (Atari I think) 25 years ago and MrZ and I would play until the blisters on my hands would bleed. That was the end of my gaming career but MrZ continued on. Prior to that we would spend hours putting puzzles together – Bring back those days. Not washing new clothes – not a problem for me. I don’t have MrZ’s fair skin problems. Here’s an issue I picked up from my mother. I can’t stand furniture crammed up against the wall. I like a little space between the back of the furniture and the wall. How crazy is that? Wow, that’s a lot of copy for my first comment, better quit……but I know between me and MiMi we could probably list all of our contributions to MrZ’s idiosyncrasies.

  17. I have to watch TV to go to sleep too. I mute it and read the closed captioning, and sometimes my husband wears a sleep mask so the light doesn’t bother him. I do turn it off before I fall too far asleep though.

    I can’t really think of anything else– I didn’t have any strong feelings about the things he has strong feelings about… At least domestically.

  18. I compromised on the TV while going to sleep thing for the sake of my husband, who prefers total silence. I’m still waiting for him to obey my rule about wine glasses in the sink. NO WINE GLASSES IN THE SINK!! Um, that’s my rule. (deep breaths)

  19. @DamPaw – Well then, can I blame you for my TV addiction? Because currently I’m blaming your son. πŸ˜‰ Also – have I ever told you my issue with furniture? I really prefer something in a room to be cornered off. I don’t like everything square. At my old Apartment every room had something slanted or catty-cornered (I think it drove MrZ crazy).

    Which is why I love your new living room set up so much!

  20. My husband is british and apparently they don’t use top sheets. They use a duvet and duvet covers, and that’s what gets changed when you change the bed. So for the past 7 years I’ve had no top sheet. It used to bug me but now I kinda like it. My kids have adopted the same habit and even tho they are on their own now, they don’t use a top sheet either.

    I have to wash new clothes..I can’t stand thinking about “where they’ve been”.

  21. All the compromising around here is for my husband’s benefit, since he is just so much pickier! Off the top of my head — I always have to wash eggs before cracking them and unopened cans before opening them, to remove germs; I have to treat raw eggs like a toxic substance and put everything that comes into contact with them through the dishwasher; I always have to put the toilet lid down (this was the first thing he “trained” me on); I have to sleep on the left side of the bed because he can only sleep on the right; I have to wait for him to unlock the car when we arrive, because he’s in the habit of locking all the doors in the car once he starts driving. I don’t mind any of these but the last one, which has never stopped driving me crazy. (I could unlock it myself, but what I really want is for it just NOT TO BE LOCKED.)

  22. @danelle – Regarding the “where they’ve been” comment – would it gross you out that I used to buy shoes from thrift stores? It grosses me out. And I don’t think I would admit that to many people. hehe.

  23. I’m with those who wash clothes first, you don’t know who else tried them on in the store before you bought them. Sometimes if I get the clothes by mail-order, I’ll wear them before washing, but not usually. I know someone who bought a new pair of pants at an outlet mall and wore them without washing them first. He stuck his hand in the front pocket and pulled out… SOMEONE ELSE’S USED KLEENEX. He almost went home to shower and change right then.

  24. Oh man. It’s a long list on both sides. For him: washing his clothes every day. Because he changes outfits three times. (He’s in construction, so I get it, but he remains the first man I have ever met who owns more clothes than myself and my three sisters combined). Washing his clothes before first wearing. He has “cootie issues” with people who may have tried the clothes on before. I guess he knows a guy who got crabs from a pair of pants he bought at WalMart (ewwww) and that did it for him as far as wearing new clothes off the rack. Sorry – TMI on that one. Sleeping with some kind of white noise in background – fan on low usually. Not allowing the cats in the bedroom (which has actually helped my own allergies, come to think of it). Eating dinner later than I ever eat it when I’m on my own (he likes to eat at 8 or later). hmmm. There is much more o but this IS a comment section, not a blog entry… πŸ˜‰

  25. This is boring, but I like to sleep with the bedroom door open and Amy likes it closed. (I want to be able to see the boogeyman coming, whereas she would rather be surprised when he kicks the door in) so we compromise and shut it part way. Yes, we are boring.

    I once dated someone who had to have the TV on to sleep, it didn’t work out. Not because she had to have the TV on to sleep, but because she was freakin’ crazy. πŸ˜‰

  26. My husband likes things to live out on the counter, I can’t stand it. Clutter makes me crazy. We’ve compromised on some things but when he’s feeling guilty I notice more things are put away that under normal circumstances would be left out.

    He never had a tv in his bedroom whereas I would put on some crap show and set the timer because I can’t sleep without the tv or at the minimum…a radio. Now we have a tv in our room and he is generally up later than me so it works out.

  27. folding towels is the worst. We do it his way. But when my mom visits, back to the old way–they all have to be properly 3-fold-folded.

  28. I guess we compromised on stuff, but it’s been too long…I had to get used to her leaving lids off of jars in the kitchen most of the time. She has to have coffee in the AM to be functional and I don’t. There weren’t any new-clothes issues that I remember. I used to keep detailed records on car mileage and gas and she thought I was nuts. (I eventually gave it up.) Fortunately we both agree that TV in the bedroom is anathema.

  29. It is so interesting you bring this up, ’cause I am going through a massive dilemna right now about this. Theres been this big scandal in NZ about the high chemical levels in imported clothes, and a massive awareness scheme to let people know that they SHOULD be washing their clothes before use, and basically making this massive deal out of it in the media, particularly in clothes from China. So I have been all OCD about that, not even letting my new clothes touch my washed ones, however I REALLY love leaving clothes hanging up with the tags on until I wear them. So now I don’t know what to do!

  30. Luke and I both are fine with wearing new clothes off the rack for a couple of times before washing them (except for boxers, bras, and undies, of course), and we don’t have a TV in our bedroom, but before we moved in together I often fell asleep to the radio. He didn’t like that at all, so I learned to live without it.

    I know there’s more, but they’re escaping me now. And we’ve only had the same residence for two years!

  31. I am a tv-has-to-be-on sleeper too. I can’t argue with that! I have brought my husband over to the dark side- BBWAH-HA-HA, BBWAH-HA-HA.

    Seriously. I don’t think much has changed in our relationship since we first started dating. I will definitely think about it and get back to you.

    I don’t wash my clothes before wearing them either. Dude, do you people have ANY idea how MUCH laundry I have?
    A LOT.

  32. My last two relationships had physical aspects. My 2nd to last asked me to never cut my hair short (even though I was dying to) so when we broke up? I cut it ALL off. Last refused to see me with a nose ring. It took, oh, all of 3 months to pierce it upon break up.

  33. My husband will not wear new unwashed clothes. I’m with you though… I love that NEWness. He also has to put his clothes on in a certain order, shower in a certain order, and basically is super OCD with that sort of thing. He takes a hour at least to get ready in the morning… I take about 30 minutes.

  34. Get this – originally my husband had to fall asleep with the TV on, and just like you, I had a hard time with it. Once I finally got used to it, he suddenly decided he needed complete silence in which to fall asleep.

    I said “Screw That, you got me hooked on falling asleep with the TV, now deal with it!”

  35. The biggest thing has been the side of the bed I sleep on – now I consider that a big concession but its all because my husband is a very deep breather and if I stayed on my orginal side of the bed I would be spending every night with ear plugs in ( there is no way that he could just roll over that would be waaay to easy). My husband would prefer the TV on where-as I would rather have the radio on at night – I hate waking up and see the light of the TV flickering away.

  36. ahh. yes. a lot of differences between me and my bf too. its just so natural for me to give in. cuz i am too lazy to even point out that he may wanna adjust to me. sheesh!

  37. I agree 100% there is always a transition of sorts. My hubby and I have a few biggies too, lol.

    One thing being… I disagreed with having a TV in my kid’s rooms. I always felt that it promoted separation of the family. If they dont like what’s being played in the living room, instead of attempting a compromise they run to their rooms and hide?? I hate that. Rick put a TV in their room but the time Dani and Nikki turned 5. Grrrrrr.

    Recently I stripped my two middle girl’s room of everything personal because they refused to keep it clean and the TV went out. LOL now my girls are in the living nightly spending time with me. I love this!!

  38. Kelly, my better half has issues with the garage. It’s a constant war zone that he is trying to fix. We have lived here for 3 years and every weekend he goes into it for hours to “make a path”.

    He also lays all of his work clothing on top of his dresser after he has worn it and says that he puts it there because he doesn’t feel that it is dirty and he may wear it again. He never rewears it.

    He MUST keep every receipt ever given to him until it is at least 10 years old. He is constantly nagging at me to keep the ones I get. I think that I throw them away just to unnerve him.

    I on the other hand have a very strange cleaning pattern. I can not do anything half way. I MUST clean the base boards and get goo out of crevasses with Q-tips even if it takes me 4days to do it and then I have to start all over again. Funny thing is my house is always a mess. Maybe I spend too much time with Q-tips.

  39. Eeeew. I wasn’t phased by boob sweat, but not washing clothes before you wear them is just wrong. Dirt, chemicals, people funk, cancer causing dyes. And freaking everything is made in China. Bah! Run for your lives! πŸ™‚

  40. I do not wash my clothes before I wear them and my husband does. I can’t think of any other similar situations off the top of my head, but I’m sure they exist.

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