I’ve had a weird week. I’ve been a tad bit blue in one of those ways that you just feel sad and you can’t put your finger on why. It could be several things. I’m struggling with a lot of tween-parenting dilemmas I can’t seem to sort out. I’ve not been eating well or exercising as regularly as I’d like. I can’t get caught up on housework and I just finally finished what has got to be the worst period ever. And the entire time, I couldn’t stop thinking: I should still be pregnant. Why in the hell am I not still pregnant. A combination of all of those things have just places me right in the middle of the proverbial DUMP and I just can’t get out of it.
I’m sitting here in my bed, with my laptop, uploading a particularly adorable video to vimeo (it’s taking for-freakin-ever), and finally watching the pilot of Saving Grace. I’m feeling incredibly introspective and am sitting back with my nightly beer and just pondering life. How can someone as blessed as I am allow herself to feel down. There are nineteen bajillion people in this world that would kill for my life – what kind of nerve do I have to be sad.
But still I sit here. Sad. Sad my life is only great and not perfect.
Sometimes I just want to kick myself in the ass. So, I thought if I sat here and typed the insane sadness into my blog – I’d realize how ridiculous it is and you know what? It seems to be working. I’m sitting here trying to justify my sadness with random tidbits of information from my life and it’s doing nothing but making me realize how pitifully ridiculous I am. I am lucky. And I just need to get over my damn self already.
So, how was your day?
Update from 2020: I’ve sense been diagnosed with anxiety and depression and these posts make me wish I had understood those terms and how to find help long before. I didn’t even have the “On Mental Health” category back then so the only category I could put this in was “whine” which is so unfortunate!