My Reproductive Nightmare

“Thank You” is just not enough

I’m in bed right now after the exact day that I needed. We took a nap after an emotional morning. MrZ and I – just curled up in bed together. Then, I woke up and took LilZ to see Evan Almighty which was EXACTLY the type of movie I needed to see. Funny and sweet. I loved it. Then – we picked up NikkiZ from daycare and headed over to Stace’s house for pizza and beer. There was enough disctraction to keep me strong for my family, but not too much to make me hazy.

I crawled into bed after putting NikkiZ in her crib and started scanning the comments on my last entry. I also had plenty of email as well. I just had to stop. I kept crying and didn’t want to “miss” any of your wonderful words through my tears, so I had to take a break. I just – I just don’t know how to tell you “Thanks” without sounding just generic and superficial. But you all have no idea how much each of your kind words resonated in my heart.

I am lucky because I have two amazing kids asleep under my roof right now. But I’m also lucky because I have hundreds of friends in the computer who send me virtual hugs when I need it most. Some people may think blogging it stupid, but to me? It’s a lifeline. The words and condolescences mean so much – and I hope to eventually say “thanks” to everyone.

But tonight – I’m just going to bed. It’s been a long day. I’m okay. We’re okay. It’s not the best situation – but it’s not the worst. I have an amazing husband and two brilliant children. I am surround by friends and family who love me. And I have you. You who come through at all hours to wish me luck or give me hugs. Thank you.

32 thoughts on ““Thank You” is just not enough”

  1. I’ve been thinking about you a lot today. I’m glad you got the breather you needed. Pleasant dreams!

  2. Same here…lots of thoughts of you today. Your attitude is phenomenal. You say that you are lucky to have your two kids and your wonderful husband. Well, they are damned lucky to have you. And we readers are, too.

    Take care of you. We’re all thinking of you and wishing you well.

  3. HBM wrote this to me one day. It was one of those huge warm virtual hugs. It is with much blogger love that I pass it on to you:

    “And you, you should remember that you can be sad AND celebratory. Your loss was great. What you have is really great. Those truths can live together in your heart.”

  4. haven’t had time to comment yet today, but I am also sending virtual hugs to you from Virginia. You and your family are very much in my thoughts.

  5. Big hugs for you. You are lucky to have your family and they are super lucky to have you.

  6. I am so sorry for your loss, words can’t express it properly–my words anyway. Been there, done that, it sucks all to hell. Hugs from Ontario to you and your beautiful, yet sad, family.

  7. So many warm thoughts to you and your family. There is such a delicate balance between feeling so happy and grateful for what you have yet experiencing an overwhelming depth of loss. Big, big hugs to all of you.

  8. Nothing I can write here will help- or will be the right thing to say. Know that even though we have never met I feel like I know you and I know what you are going through.
    I have been there. Hug your kids- Hug your husband and know that someone in Wisconsin is thinking of you and crying right along with you.

    Dawn

  9. When I started scanning blogs this morning, I learned of a father who lost his six year old to a pool accident, then of you, and I knew there would be a third.

    There was – a wrestler “supposedly” committed murder-suicide, killing himself, his wife, and his 7 year old son.

    Two people had their children ripped away from them, and a third killed his.

    Life.Sucks.

    Know that you are still in my thoughts, and that if there is anything I can do from afar, you have only to ask.

  10. I’m so sorry, Zoot. I’ve been out of town and just now got around to reading your site. I am sad to hear your news, but I know that you are right when you say what a great family you have. Sometimes we just have to count our blessings.
    You’re in my prayers.

  11. Oh, honey. I’m so, so sorry. I’ll be thinking about you and your family.

  12. So glad you can find joy & solace in your beautiful, wonderful family. Glad, too, that we were able to bring you some measure of comfort as well. I believe it’s been said that a pain shared is a pain halved. I hope that is true & knowing that so many people are sharing in your sorrow makes this difficult time a bit easier.

  13. The hugs are virtual, but the hearts behind them are real. We’re always here, you know, just in case you need us. Get some rest.

  14. Rest assured that you have been in my thoughts a lot today. I know y ou say you are ok, but it is also ok to admit it sucks and hurts. Take care of yourself and let the love and support lift you when needed.

    xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxox

  15. I’m so sorry, Zoot. And I’m sorry that virtual hugs and thoughts are all I can offer.

  16. glad you could make your day as good as it could be. and not only do you have us, but we have *you*. and we are very lucky, too. be well…

  17. I’m a lurker for the most part, but I’m very sorry about your loss.

  18. I haven’t been by in a few days, so I’m just learning about your loss. I’m so, so sorry. I’ve been there, and I know that me saying that doesn’t make it any better, but please know it’s meant sincerely. I’m so, so sorry.

  19. Hi, I’m so glad that you’re feeling better! I came across your blog a few months ago when I was looking for a new blog design, and ended up adding you to my feed burner to see how your marathon went.

    But I still haven’t removed it, because I just love reading about your life! (In a cool way, not in a creepy way.) Your life is so drastically different than mine, but I’m totally emmersed in your life story. My heart just broke for you when I read the updates, and I just wanted you to know that even though you don’t know me, I care about you and your family!

    Thanks for reminding me what’s important in life, and for showing how a dose of perspective can really make you appreciate the love you have. Take care.

  20. (((((((((((((((BIG HUGE HUGS))))))))))))))))))))))))))))).

    You made me cry. Not for what happened, although that’s obvious, but for taking the time to point out what is good in your life at a time like this. You not only made me cry, but you made me think.

  21. I have few words but many, many hugs, prayers, and thoughts. You are an amazing person with an amazing family.
    God Bless
    ~Kenna

  22. I am SO SORRY. I have been thinking of you a lot these past days and didn’t know this happened until now, Tuesday night.

    Thoughts of you and yours will continue…

    blessings to you.

    dori

  23. Zoot – I just wanted to say that I adore you. You are an incredible woman. The box of Kotex in the kitchen does not diminish that.

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