My Reproductive Nightmare

My dignity is at stake.

I called for my lab results before lunch hoping that they’d have them back and my nurse could call me on her lunch break. The doctor marked STAT on the lab slip and the lab tech highlighted it ninety million times, so they know we need these results NOW. But – the nurse didn’t call at her normal lunch hour – so I guess I’m stuck waiting until they close the office for the day before she calls. Hopefully she will call then – if not – I’ll venture into Operation Flaming Bag O’ Poop to make myself feel better.

I have found myself reverting back to the old habits when one is either (a) hoping they are pregnancy each cycle or (b) are actually pregnant and looking for any sign that pregnancy is progressing properly. Namely? I’m feeling myself up every 2 seconds.

It’s the only symptom I seem to ever experience during early pregnancy – the sore boobs – and I’m desperately hoping to get a little bit of that sore-boob action to tide me over until the nurse calls. Luckily, there’s no one around right now to catch me copping a feel of my own chest. (Sore? No. Not yet. Now? Nope. Now? Nope.) One of these times someone is going to catch me and the professional image I’ve been trying to establish will be ruined forever.

Who are we kidding? Like anyone would ever see me as anything “professional.” I’d say “delusional” or “psychotic” would be more accurate labels. Or possibly? “Self-Groper.”

Update from the lab…

407. That is WAAAY more than double 123! But, of course, I thought she said 4007 and almost had a heart attack. But 407? ABOVE NORMAL. Which means this embryo is behaving properly so far! Yay! She guesses I’m about 4+ weeks along and they’ll bring me in once my hCG gets above 10,000 for my first date with the ultrasound wand. Oh, how I missed you so.

Everyone now has permission to celebrate. Woo Hoo!

11 thoughts on “My dignity is at stake.”

  1. I did the groping too! πŸ™‚ Then I got to the point where I didn’t know if my boobs were pregnant-sore, or just sore because I was sqeezing them too much! πŸ™‚

  2. Hi Zoot,
    I read your site everyday in my old job. My new job blocks all the blogs!! What do they expect me to do all day?? Work?? Really?? Huh!

    Anyway, My fingers are crossed for you and I am refreshing every few minutres waiting to hear more news.

    Am I stalking you?? No I promise ;o)

  3. You crack me up! That was hysterical. If you’re husband reads this post, you’re getting lucky tonight. πŸ™‚

  4. I did the groping until my boobs were sore from just that. And i ran to the toilet every 10 minutes, just to check everything was still ok.

  5. My son (who is 5) just walked by and said “Zoot? What is a Zoot, Mom?” as he read your title bar. I keep forgetting he can read. That was random.

    I hope she calls you as soon as she gets them!

  6. I was out all day, the first thing i did was run to my computer and hop on your site to see what the word was. Dude. *I* am the one with the problem, not you πŸ™‚

  7. You have to call by 4:00 to check on your results. I can not wait all weekend if they don’t call!!!!

  8. Argh. I have been refreshing like a madwoman all day.

    To get your mind off it, perhaps you could do an entry on the season finale of Lost?

    BECAUSE IT WAS SO AWESOME and I want to know what you thought about the whole thing!

  9. seriously. don’t they realize the anxiety they have caused not only for you but everyone in cyberspace??? man.

  10. Been there… (one baby, followed by two back to back miscarriages last year, followed by another healthy pregnancy and baby) I’m a blatant, shameless self-groper. Of course, now that the baby is here, I wish the boobs would STOP hurting…

    Sending TONS and tons of sticky vibes for you. Don’t you LOVE the first few weeks of pregnancy?!?! πŸ˜‰

  11. With my third (currently pregnant – 36+ weeks along!) I had NO symptoms. After having the worst case of sore boobs ever with my first two pregnancies, I was quite puzzled, but I didn’t complain. All said and done, this has been the easiest pregnancy ever, and I hope you will carry your third baby as easily as I have mine. CONGRATULATIONS!!!!!!

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