Thing 1, Unpublished

Someone taking hormone supplements should NOT be giving love advice

LilZ had one of his first girlfriend dramas tonight. His girlfriend is jealous of the time he spends with his childhood friend. I understand it from the girlfriend’s point of view – boys his age just don’t befriend girls. But – it’s tricky because she’s the daughter of my best friend, we run carpool together, it’s not like we can make any changes. So – I found myself giving him advice and actually encouraging him to text her kinda late at night even though I’m sure her parents would disapprove, I just wanted to give him a chance to make her feel better. Even if she didn’t get the message tonight – hopefully it will make her feel better tomorrow. Love is hard. Add pre-puberty hormone surges and co-ed friendships into the mix and you have nothing but disaster.

This is the mantra I just kept repeating, “Junior High SUCKS. But I promise it will get better. I PROMISE.” At one point I even said, “I’ve been through affairs, broken friendships, divorce and fertility issues and NOTHING compares to the depression and tears I cried in Junior High. That was much worse.”

And I was NOT lying. I remember several times during the darkest times of my adult life thinking, “Man, life is kinda sucky right now. But I still wouldn’t trade it for 7th grade. EVER.”

He actually said at one point, “Sometimes I wish I could just die, or skip the next two years.”

Heartbreak anyone?

Now, on one hand? I’m so glad he can still talk to me about that stuff. On the other hand? I just wanted to hold him and never let him leave the house again. But I felt the same thing at that age. I remember it vividly. Everytime I got a headache or migraine (often) I would hope it was a terminal tumor that would take me out in my sleep. (Dramatic enough of an exit?) I remember thinking I couldn’t do it a second longer. Junior High sucked the most giant sweaty donkey balls ever – and I would never EVER do it again.

And yes, I told LilZ that too. And I promised him one day he’d look back, like I do now, and wish he could have told himself, “She’s right. It will get AWESOME one day. Trust her.”

Because LilZ? You are the most amazing young man I’ve ever known. You are handsome, attractive, smart and my GOD you are funny. You make me laugh so much (like suggesting that I put crack rock in the snacks for the pool party) that I am convinced you will make millions of people smile in your life. I hope I can do that even just a little bit for you to help you get through these next few years. And remember – if you ever need me to – I’m totally up for kicking anyone’s ass you need me to.

26 thoughts on “Someone taking hormone supplements should NOT be giving love advice”

  1. Seriously… I am with you. I am not looking forward to Jr. High with my little one. It sucked does not even begin to describe it.

  2. Probably half the internet would be up for some ass kicking on LilZ’s behalf, too. You know, just in case.

  3. i tell my kids this all the time and i’m not kidding in the least. i would not go back and relive those years for anything. the teen years are so, so hard. and junior high is brutal. and high school is relentless. and it feels like you’ll never get through it alive. but then you do. and it’s all ok.

  4. i’d totally join the ass kicking team.

    poor lilZ.
    i remember junior high, too.
    unfortunately.

    he’s already doing so well, though…just by realizing how shitty it is.
    he’ll be fine.
    it’ll be hell, but there will be heavenly moments mixed in…and we’re all pulling for him to emerge 2x the man that he is now.

    p.s.
    speaking of, is there any chance we can get him on the ’08 ticket?

  5. OMG! I hated 7th grade with the fire of a thousand suns. I switched schools mid-year and didn’t have any friends for most of the year. Then the next year all the friends I did make turned on me and then I had no friends for another year. It truly gets so much better. 14 years later and I don’t think I’ve ever been happier than I am now.

  6. My son is already dealing with this in the 5th grade. His best bud dumped him for a girl. He was being possesive of his friend, and the friends mom told me that my son wasn’t being a good friend. Now I just want to kick all their asses, because her son is not being a good friend. Today he was so upset about how he treats him. I told him that it’s time to move on and make new friends.

    You’re right, it’s so hard. And it’s just the begining for me. How will I ever survive?

  7. Jr. High into about my Jr. year in HS were pretty darn sucky. Things do get so much better!! πŸ™‚

  8. I just have to comment on this – you know usually I stay in lurkerdom! Let me be one more person to assure LilZ that jr. high is SO HARD but it will get better. And really, he’s lucky to have friends. I spent my whole 6th and 7th grade years basically friendless (oh!so sad!) but after that things got much, much better. I had a fabulous high school experience. And he’s so lucky to have YOU to talk about things with. You’re such a great Mom.

  9. I try not to look into the future too much. Sigh. Perhaps my precious progeny will be geniuses and will just skip Junior High? Maybe? No?

    Junior High sucked and dammit, High School was close, close 2nd. I never understand those Al Bundy types that wistfully dream of their high school days gone by. I actually knew a guy that carried his football pic from his senior year in his wallet. And he was in his 30s.

    I loved college, though. I would do college over in a heartbeat.

  10. LilZ listen to your mom, she knows what she is talking about. Jr. High is an awful time for most kids I think. I know it was for me and my kids. Things will get better. Promise!

  11. I’m out of Lukerdom to tell LilZ that his mom is right. She is so right. It gets so much better! High school is a huge improvement over Jr. High and college is even better. Hang in there!!

  12. LilZ,

    You are awesome. You know how I know? You’re funny. I really liked your blog from a few years ago. And you’re totally cool. I see pictures of all the stuff you do, whether it’s with family or with school, and I think that’s awesome. Finally? You’re super nice. The kids in my school spread rumors about me in junior high (I was accused of doing something with a boy when I didn’t even know what it was at the time). I think you’re the awesome kid who would have been nice to the new girl anyway. You just seem that sort of kid.

    And the girlfriend thing? I totally was in your best friend’s shoes back when. Still am, from time to time. But I’m glad you’re not picking sides, which just shows again how awesome you are.

    Monster hugs, kiddo,
    Alektra.
    (Who does not have kids, so she does not have to be nice to children or teenagers if she doesn’t want to.)

    Zoot,

    Any chance of starting a LilZ fanclub here or on another site? I’ll be whatever you, Mr.Z and NikkiZ are not! (And I started blogging again! Finally…)

    ~A

  13. Lil Z is SO lucky to have you as a mom. You two are awesome together πŸ™‚

  14. Zoot/LilZ,

    You guys are right… junior high does suck and life gets much better in a few years. But I have a suggestion on how to make things better right now… maybe you can introduce girlfriend and childhood friend and they can become friends, too! I’m sure they’d get along great since they are obviously both awesome girls. Plus, you can all hang out at the same time so they wouldn’t feel like you are always picking one over the other.

  15. “…boys his age just don’t befriend girls…” actually, that isn’t always the case. I was probably just-friends with as many girls as boys at that age, because so many of the other guys in my class were jerks.

    Of course I’ll admit that your statement is true for most boys all of the time, and all boys most of the time. Just not all boys all of the time. πŸ™‚

    Anyway, for what it’s worth, I’m sure LilZ will make it through junior high just fine; of course junior high sucks but it doesn’t last all that long. No pain, no gain, or something like that…

  16. Awwww…poor LilZ. Middle school really did suck. Thank goodness he has a mom with such good perspective to help him through it all.

    (Now my nosiness kicks in…LilZ has a girlfriend?? *squeee!* The pretty girl he took to the dance?)

  17. Poor LilZ! It does suck! He is discovering that teenage girls are crazy, unreasonable, irrational creatures. It probably won’t change for a while yet. He is lucky to have the mother he has to discuss these things with. Hopefully he’ll listen to you and take your advice.

    Hang in there, LilZ!

  18. Dude- there is NOTHING good about 7th grade. It does get better (well, it couldn’t get any worse, either.)

  19. You are so right. Nothing has ever sucked as much as junior high…and high school wasn’t all that special either.

    I have a son roughly the same age, and the girls the same age are CRAZY.

    I keep telling my oldest son that he really doesn’t want a girlfriend. So far he believes me.

  20. I love the tender moment of this post…

    I mean you’re all “It does suck,” and he’s saying, “No doubt” but under the surface is, “Mom, in in anguish – and I can talk to you about it,” and you’re saying, “Yes you can, LilZ – I’d give anything to take these years off your back I love you that much.”

    But not enough to go back and do it again – hehehe πŸ™‚

  21. I really like the idea of introducing his girlfriend and childhood friend…this is embarassing to admit, but I’m normally the jealous girlfriend. Which SUCKS, but I have OCD and I tend to get really really obsessed even if I don’t want to be. Anyway last time I got jealous of one of my boyfriends friends (because she kept trying to flirt with him), I made sure to become really good friends with her and now I don’t feel jealous anymore. It helps so much!

    PS Junior High does suck, but as long as you keep believing that you’re not doing anything wrong, and not letting anyone tell you otherwise, you’ll be fine. Just remember that πŸ™‚

  22. LilZ, everything your mom says is true. Jr High sucks, and life does get better.

    And whenever your girlfriend is acting crazy, just remember that Jr High also sucks for her, and she is just as confused and overwhelmed as you are.

    All of this will pass, and you will make you stronger, cooler, and able to deal with anything.

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