My Reproductive Nightmare

Where to begin…

I am writing this in the morning and setting it to go live later today so that I can make sure those people in my life that need a pre-blog buffer get it. Hopefully, I’ve made contact with them all when this thing publishes. (Junkie – I’m looking at you! I’ve tried calling you a million times this morning!) One of the down sides of opening up your entire life online, the family who keep up with you that way would like the big news to come via a phone call instead of your blog.

Guess what I did yesterday? Took four positive HPTs.

(Yes, four.)

(I’m waiting for the screaming to die down.)

No. We’re not “trying”. But we’re definitely not trying NOT to. The doctor told us the sooner the better since the longer endometriosis has to develop, the more it can impair ovulation. But we hadn’t started “trying” yet because that put so much stress in our lives before. SO MUCH. I wasn’t ready for that again. Of course, in reality? Getting pregnant hasn’t really ever been our major problem. It’s staying pregnant. I mean, it isn’t easy to get knocked up, and the endometriosis doesn’t help, but almost two years without using protection one would hope we’d get pregnant at least once. And we have. I am going at 9am to have my blood taken for the HCG quant. number and my progesterone level. I’ve been reading and re-reading this entry a million times to remind myself that I felt cramps back then and I have a living, pooping, screaming toddler as a result. So, the cramps I’m feeling now shouldn’t worry me.

Dear, God. I’m freaking the hell out. This anxiety – the waiting for the demise of the pregnancy, the waiting for the results, the waiting for the heartbeat – I haven’t missed this bit at all.

I’ll get the results 9am tomorrow. Which means your assignment is to come up with things to distract me the next 24 hours.

The next day…

Well. It’s hard to really explain the whole quantitative hCG number thing because the “ranges” you should hope for are quite insane. But, as far as I can tell, this bloodwork was taken within 3 days of the time we did our first beta with NikkiZ. This time it is 123. It should double every 2-3 days. NikkiZ’s was 1221. So – the simple explanation? No where near as good as her number was.

BUT – (now for the optimism) – my cycle never really got “normal” after I had her. It ranges from 24-30 days long so it’s hard to get a good guess on how far along I would be. If I’m only 4 weeks along? The number is right on track. Also – the ranges that are considered “ideal” are very wide and my little 123 is still, technically, within that range even if we’re as far along as I think we are (about 5+ weeks). Just at the very bottom of it. My hCG is not an overachiever, that’s for sure.

Essentially, on Friday, we want to see the number double (or more) for a sign that my uterus isn’t kicking this embryo to the curb before it even has time to annoy me.

Now – my progesterone levels were also lower than they were with NikkiZ. This could either be because my body sucks and typically doesn’t produce enough progesterone to sustain a pregnancy – or it could be because my body has already decided to dump the pregnancy. So – they went ahead and prescribed me the same supplement I had with NikkiZ. Hopefully, if my body is being a bitch and trying to abort this pregnancy, this magic pill will tell it to shut the hell up.

So – MORE WAITING! Don’t we all just love that? Let me tell you, though. It means more to me than you could possibly understand to know that you all were as impatient as I was. That’s better than I can say for my HUSBAND who went to lunch and didn’t pay attention to his CELL PHONE when I was trying to CALL HIM and he is totally grounded for a month because of that.

97 thoughts on “Where to begin…”

  1. Oh wow! So excited for you! So hoping everything stays where it belongs and all that good stuff. Fingers and all other appendages duly crossed. I would leave you with ideas for distracting yourself, but who are we kidding?

  2. Oh EEK!

    Guess this means no drinking at BlogHer this summer? πŸ˜‰

    Seriously though, I have fingers and toes double crossed for you. I know how difficult this is for you, I remember, and I’ll be agonizing along with you.

    Distractions: American Idol is tonight as are the DWTS results. Will Apolo win? He better!

  3. Wow! Totally exciting and sending you a ton of good, sunny thoughts and positive energy.

    Distraction: make a list of all the donut shops you can think of on the routes you travel daily. As Queen of Procrastination, I have a ton of these little games. πŸ™‚

    Good luck!

  4. Yay! I was wondering what all those twitters were about. Congrats and the best of luck to you!

  5. If you can’t drink for the next 24 hours, well, it’s my job to help out.

    *toasts Zoot*


  6. Oh wow! Yea! Crossing fingers, said a prayer, will check blog like crazy for updates and more good news!

  7. I will think lots of positive thoughts for you! We had 2 miscarriages before Chloe and I found that getting PG and staying PG were two different things! I wish you lots of health and luck!

  8. Congrats!! Lets have a contest to think up a blog name for the new baby!

  9. Wow! Congratulations! I soooo hope it works out.

    I have endometriosis and had multiple miscarriages, so I feel your anxiety over here.

    Prayers and good wishes to you!

  10. Okay. Okay. Okay. My heart can return to normal rhythm soon. (maybe)
    Let’s talk about Krispy Kremes. Or your marathon. Or ME! (kidding.)
    Good thoughts…good thoughts.

  11. go to the redbook magazine site and read all the archives for the diary of e – and then if you’re still waiting read all the archives for the diary of v. And, if you’re still waiting send me an email and we’ll discuss the current situation of no new tv shows for months and months and what are we supposed to do? Enjoy summer??? Thats just crazy talk…..

  12. Congratulations! I figured something was up when I read your twitter post yesterday about waiting for test results. That’s so exciting! I’m sending you all my good vibes (and hoping some bounce back and I’ll get a positive HPT or two in a couple of weeks).

  13. Congrats! It’ll be fine. And I can say that because I’ve never been pregnant and therefore have the best parenting advice of anyone I know.

    {All said in completel and utter sarcasm!}

    Distract yourself with thoughts of Harry Potter.

  14. Oh wait!

    The Congrats and It’ll be fine were NOT said with sarcasm but bloggy love!!

    I’m sending all happy vibes your way!

  15. Oh my god! How exciting!! Good luck!

    Ok, to distract you…did you watch Heroes? (wait, I can’t remember if you even DO watch Heroes.) Oh oh..did you hear??? Friday Night Lights DID get renewed for next year!!


  16. If you could bottle up the good thoughts that I’m sending your way, we’d be rich!

    Hey, you could always pack up some peanuts and send them CBS’s way. Did you hear that a half a ton of nuts are heading to CBS’s door from this promotion?

  17. Good luck. I myself am holding my breath through the last 6 weeks of my first trimester. I’ll be waiting for the numbers.

  18. Eat some brownies. And catch up on your Tivo. And maybe reread several Harry Potter books to keep you occupied. I’ll be thinking about yoy and hoping everything goes well.

  19. I don’t want to jinx anything, but Congratulations!!

    I’m so happy for you. I’m looking forward to having another baby soon. We’re unofficially trying. We’ll get serious right after blogher….

    good luck!

  20. Oh my goodness. Oh my goodness. Oh my goodness…
    Fingers crossed. holding my breath.

    Distraction: No matter what I try to use as a distraction – it probably isn’t going to work… So, tell us more about your toenails!!! πŸ™‚ (yes, rather gross, but it’s something to talk about)

  21. I’m keeping my fingers crossed for you, Zoot! I’ve struggled with the same thing for years, except I don’t have a baby yet…but dammit I’m not giving up! Here’s hoping for another “kicking, screaming, pooping” beautiful, adorable baby for you.

  22. Lizarita just e-mailed me this link. I figured it must be big news! First, congratulations on getting pregnant. Second, I wish you all the best on staying that way. I hope this part goes by quickly.
    To keep you occupied, since I read you enough to know you are a TV whore, I just did a long ass post about the season finale of Grey’s Anatomy if you want something to read. (Like you don’t have anything to read. But still, you want to stay busy and that’s the only thing I know to help.)

  23. i have everything crossed and double crossed that everything remains on course for you!! good vibes and prayers as well. i wish i had some good distraction ideas for you, i think there are some good ones up above from everyone else. maybe hug on that toddler of yours a bit???

  24. Everything that can be crossed is crossed for you (and I couple of things I didn’t know I could cross. I’ll need motrin tomorrow.) Have you gone through the recaps and forums at televisionwithoutpity? Those are good for a couple of hours of distraction. And a couple of games of chuzzle.

  25. Best wishes. This is great news. Now would be a good time to redo your closet. Oh I know yoou could plan a Harry Potter Party.

  26. YEA that is wonderful news! Sending stay your ass put in there for 40 weeks vibes your way πŸ™‚

  27. Yaaay! Maybe it is the running and getting into excellent shape that helped you conceive (well, that and sex). I was crampy as hell at the beginning of both pregnancies and you’ve felt that before so don’t freak out! As the doctor said, it is just the embryo burrowing into your womb like a little worm causing the pain. Congrats and I’m keeping my fingers crossed the dr. visit goes well. Don’t keep us waiting!

  28. Oh and distractions? Read the stupid celeb gossip sites like Perez Hilton, The Superficial,– it is like reading the celeb. rags in the check outline from the comfort of your own computer.

  29. Holy crap!

    Reread Harry Potter and the Half-blood Prince.

    All things I can cross I have now crossed for you.

  30. Here’s hoping we can toast our February babies together at BlogHer – with a root beer of course.

    For your amusement in the next 24 hours:

    248 ways to annoy people

    The number one thing I’m trying to do to pass the time is just enjoy being pregnant. So far pregnant has not equaled baby for me, so I’m just trying to enjoy being pregnant. Maybe that sounds stupid and pollyanna, but it’s all I’ve got.

    I’m so excited for you guys. Many many many congratulations and good luck!!!

  31. Such a great surprise! Congratulations and here’s to hoping things work out with another cute little baby!

  32. Congrats Zoot! great news … I will be sitting on the “edge of my computer” while you wait for news!

  33. Congratulations! I don’t think I’ve ever commented here before, but now I had to. All the best wishes to you. Hope to read about good test results tomorrow.

  34. Sending you all good things! Some of those links have proven themselves “distracting” so I hope you are thoroughly distracted.

  35. OMG! I am so excited for you! I’m glad I got this late in the afternoon – now the time will pass quickly until tomorrow morning! πŸ™‚

  36. Great balls of fire! i leave the Internet for just a morning to go to the zoo and what do I find in my Bloglines when I come back??

    Very, VERY excited for you!!!

  37. Congrats Zoot! I’m sure everything will be fine. Now, something to distract you… Hey! Look over there!!! ;o)

  38. How dare I be out of town and miss this!? Oh wow Zoot I am sending just soo many good thoughts in your direction and oh my goodness! I am not allowed to be nervous dangit! Here’s hoping and praying for another beautiful child like Nikki!!

  39. omg, omg, omg, how wonderful!! this is what i get for unplugging all morning… wonderful news. lots of prayers and happy thoughts for you!

  40. How exciting! I actually joined you after NikkiZ was around (so a late-comer I suppose), but I’m super excited for you and hoping for the best. I already enjoy reading you a ton since NikkiZ is just a couple months younger than my DD, but now our next ones will also just be a couple months apart!

  41. Oh wow, oh wow, oh wow! Sorry I can’t be more articulated right now, but I am wishing you the best of British luck. xxx

  42. Ow, i so hoped you would get pregnant while i was still pregnant.. so i could really understand what you were talking about. Although i loved to read about your pregnancy with NikkiZ, it is different now i also have some experience. At least i thought/think so. Not i can really understand your experiences. Although, i have not experienced ass sweat yet..

    Blabla.. a careful congratulations to you and your whole family! *cheers*

  43. awesome. So very awesome. Just think really hard about Heroes last night. I’m dying to hear other’s opinions!

  44. delurking to say Congrats! Please don’t hate me, but I will be praying for you!

  45. Zoot! I have goosebumps of excitement for you! ALL will be fine! I had a m/c between my 2 kids and it totally screws up your thinking….but really, it will be fine! Just keep repeating that to yourself and go crazy with all the distractions the others have posted for you.

  46. Wow – this is really exciting news! I’m hoping and praying that everything works out for you. Congratulations!

  47. See! I unplug myself for the day and I MISS THIS?!?!?! Congrats Zoot – I’m hoping for the best for you!!!

    And just think, you wouldn’t have to be hugely pregnant in the middle of summer!

  48. well, you could occupy yourself by laughing at a dumbass like me.
    i’ve never tried to get pregnant…the one time i took a test, i was not hoping for a positve result. i’m assuming it’s because of my lack of experience w/ different tests and whatnot that, in my head, i read your words as taking 4 ‘positive HPV’ tests.
    and, i really like your blog, and the way that you’re not afraid to be honest. but i was still a little like ummm. wtf?
    then i reread it.

    so, hooray for zoot!
    babies are way better than warts, i imagine.

  49. EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE GOOOOOOOOOOOD LUCCCCCCCCKKKKKKKKKK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I wish I’d read this first or I would have spazzed out in my other comments as well πŸ™‚

  50. How exiting! I hope it all works well out. Because you really need more cute kids!

  51. HOLY CRAP a lot has happened since I fell behind on my reading! How exciting for you! I sincerely hope it all works out perfectly! Now I have to hurry and read the rest of your new posts to find out what’s happening!

  52. WOW, you surprised me there! I just can’t believe how recent it seems that I’d just discovered your blog and you were pretty newly pregnant with your daughter! Congrats and best wishes!

  53. Wow.. congrats!! I sure hope everything is okay πŸ™‚ sorry I’m so slow..I guess I haven’t read your blog in a while

  54. YAY from Leslie of Smoke Rings and Apple Reporter. Hopeful for a smooth ride and the SUMMER start to pregnancy you wanted. πŸ™‚

  55. Congratulations Zoot. That’s such amazing news. I hope everything stays great!

Leave a Reply