LilZ was eating some Cool Ranch Doritos and I said, “When I was your age, my summer daycare took us to this water-slide park and I always got those chips and I loved them SO MUCH.” And he said, “Back when you wore ‘Hoppin’ for God’ shirts?”
Huh? What the hell is that kid talking about?
Then I remembered – “OH! You mean my ‘Jesus Makes Me Hoppy’ shirt!”
See – when I was a youngin’ – I went to this huge daycare in the summer. We would go on field trips every day and when we went to places with a lot of people, they’d make us wear daycare shirts so they could spot us in the crowd. Most of the time they were simple shirts with the name of the church on them. When I was in 7th grad, however, they decided they’d give the shirts more personality. Or some such nonsense. So – they made us wear shirts that were aqua and sleeveless with huge neon-green frogs on them that said, “JESUS MAKES ME HOPPY.”
Yes – I was in the crux of my puberty angst and being forced to wear amphibious religious paraphernalia. It was my worst nightmare as a 7th grader and I bring it up often when LilZ is complaining about his life. I’ll say, “WHATEVER. Nothing is worse than trying to meet cute boys at the arcade in a ‘Jesus Makes Me Hoppy’ t-shirt!” Or, “You think that’s bad? You should try making a neon Jesus frog look COOL.”