I am totally worn out from this weekend. I don’t know if it was the manual labor involved with cleaning out the garage, or the 13.5 miles I ran yesterday, but I feel like I was run over by a truck and beat senselessly for the entire weekend. I also feel like I didn’t sleep at all, which may be because: I DIDN’T.
Now – What I’m about to tell you is gong to cause you to shake your head and say, “You’re in for it now, Missy.” Or, if you’re not 95 you might say something along the lines of, “Dumbass.” Brace yourself.
NikkiZ woke up a little early yesterday morning so I brought her in bed with us just to see if she would go back to sleep. Which she did! For another hour! I was totally stoked because getting an extra hour of sleep is something I’d sell my left kidney for some mornings. (But not my right one. Sentimental attachments and everything.) There was a small voice inside my head that said, “I hope she doesn’t expect this to happen every time she wakes up.” But – as you can expect – I ignored that small voice and just savored the extra hour of sleep.
Well – NikkiZ woke up about 11pm last night. And I was so damn tired that I just said, “Screw it. I’m bringing her to bed with us.” I brought her into bed and she immediately went back to sleep. Now, she slept relatively well the rest of the night. Until about 6:30am, even. BUT – she was flailing around the entire time. Punching me in the face, kicking me in the gutt, the usual. So, it looks like I am totally teaching her to wake up so I’ll come get her. (This is where you say, “Dumbass.”) Which, in theory, is not a big deal since I’m a big fan of co-sleeping. But, when the child your co-sleeping with is abusive, it’s a bad situation.
So, yeah. I don’t really want her in bed with us throughout the night. Once in awhile, sure. But not every night. So, of course, I probably should not have done it last night. But I was just so tired! What else should I have done? Let her cry? I’m not totally against that in small doses, but her room is next to LilZ’s – so that’s not really fair to him. She’s plenty old enough to be sleeping through the night, she’s not hungry, she doesn’t need a diaper change. She just wants us. To bring her to bed.
I’m an idiot. The stupid things parents do for sleep that bite them in the ass the next day.