I dropped LilZ off with his Dad last night and I won’t see him for a week. I don’t know if there are any other divorced parents out there that have this type of setup (alternating Christmas/Thanksgiving every year) but it is really hard to celebrate Christmas without one of your children. I cried, as usual, when he drove off. The hardest thing is this is the second year without him on Christmas. We switched schedules this year for other reasons (trying to get on the same schedule as MrZ’s family) – so this is my second Christmas in a row without him.
I remember the first Christmas his Dad and I split. We then lived in the same town, so I was going to see him later Christmas day, but I woke up alone on Christmas. No kid, no husband, no family at all. I stayed in Alabama instead of going to Tennessee because I didnt want to miss the chance to see LilZ Christmas afternoon. I remember getting out of bed, looking at the Christmas tree with presents under it, and just crying my eyes out.
Luckily – I have been blessed with a husband and a miracle of a daughter to help fill the void on holidays like this one. And I will see him in 7 days and we do our huge FAKE Christmas on December 30th. We wake up to Santa, we have a huge dinner, we do everything to pretend like that day is Christmas. It’s nice because these years we avoid the post-holiday letdown.
Anyway – so, he’s gone for a week and I’m a little down. And one other thing I can’t bring myself to write about yet without crying all over the keyboard: I had to wean NikkiZ this week. I decided the bleeding nipples on my part and frustration on her part could only be explained by one thing: I had dried up. My supply was never that strong which is why I never pumped and still continued to nurse her even when I went back to work. My body just gave up after 2+ days in Tucson. To tell you how little my body produces naturally? I’ve not even gotten engorged. At all. I quit nursing her last weekend and my boobs show no sign of caring.
No more nurnee-time (What? You don’t give it a name?). One of these days I’ll do a proper farewell because I am sad to lose that, but for now? I just wanted you all to know.
Now that I’m sufficiently depressed, let’s do Christmas cards!
(What? Am I late? Hey – I told you I would be – I’m no liar.)