I have spent quite a bit of time the last nine months at NikkiZ’s daycare, allowing me to get to know some of the kids in her class quite well. Now that I’m only nursing her once during school hours, I even have extra time on my lunch to stay and play with the munchkins. This has earned me the title of Adult Who Is Loads of Fun But Never Has to Discipline. Kinda’ like your kids’ favorite aunt or uncle. The one who brings them candy but doesn’t stick around for the sugar rush and inevitable crash that follows? That’s me.
Today I was there when it was pre-lunch prep time. As it turned out – today was Chili day. In Toddler Classroom Speak that means “Naked Lunch” where they remove clothing from the waist up in an effort to reduce the staining of the clothes. I decided to stick around and help out a bit since I had a whole hour to spend over there. Let me tell you: Naked lunch is not as fun as it sounds.
I have never witnessed a more disgusting scene before in my entire life. There were beans up noses, chunks of ground beef in between toes, and applesauce (Who puts chili and applesauce together?) on every strand of hair on every head. And let’s not get started with the number of times I saw food come OUT of the mouth, only to be put BACK IN again.
One of NikkiZ’s friends kept trying to feed me one of her saltines that she had soaked in chili, dipped in applesauce, gummed for 5 minutes and then double-dipped in the chili again. I tried to be polite, “No thank-you, I’ve already eaten…” but she was so insistent! I ended up taking the cracker and pretending to eat it. She seemed satisfied.
I left the school thankful for two things: (1) That I don’t teach toddlers and (2) That I don’t have more than one kid skilled at making those kind of messes. I think if I had more than one? It would be dinner in the bathtub every night.