My Reproductive Nightmare

I haven’t missed this part at all

Remember when I spent a large portion of my blog discussing my efforts to get pregnant? For those of you new around here, there are piles of negative HPTs (home pregnancy tests), a diagnosis as a repeat aborter, a referreral to a fertility specialist and many many many emotional breakdowns left behind in the wake of my pregnancy with NikkiZ. Even the pregnancy itself had the fun of low progesterone levels and uterine blood clots. The road to her arrival was not an easy one, but it was worth every step along the way.

While cleaning out innards post baby-removal via c-section (fun!) my OB discovered endometriosis on one ovary and uterine fibroids (and someone’s keys…a cell phone charger…and that one sock I havent found the match for in three years…) two things that might have explained past struggles to reproduce but definitely would explain any future difficulties. His number one recommendation: Get pregnant again sooner rather than later (ha! easier said than done) because every menstruation can bring worsening of the endometriosis which can complicate future chances to get pregnant.

For the typical fertility challenged woman, time-lines are such a dark joke anyway. We can say “Ohh…I’d like two years between children…” but in reality, if we try to plan it that way – we could end up with four years, or five, or worse: No second child. So, you hesitate to impair conception in anyway, because even though you don’t want your kids this close together: you still want another child, and you don’t want to possibly miss your only chance to conceive because it seemed “too early.”

Well – we haven’t had to face any of these type of decisions for one reason and one reason only – I hadn’t gotten a cycle yet. This has been great since I kinda like the Scarlet O’Hara method of dealing with things: Let’s just worry about it tomorrow.

Well. It’s official. Tomorrow is here. My cycle has finally returned. MrZ was very excited because he wants to get pregnant YESTERDAY. He happily exclaimed, “Yay! Mommy got her period!” to NikkiZ (NikkiZ: TMI, Dad). I replied to his exuberance by saying, “Where I appreciate the sentiment behind your excitement – you cheering for the onslaught of cramps, bloating and bleeding doesn’t really make me happy.”

Either way – the elephant in the room can no longer be ignored. Now we must officially commit to a plan. I don’t want to get pregnant until this summer. But – more than that – I want another kid. What if I miss my chance between now and August? If we never succeed in producing another child, will I always wonder if we would have been successful if we hadn’t waited?

Eh. Why worry? Instead – I need to enjoy the time I’m not pregnant by drinking copius amounts of alcohol and indulging in platefuls of sushi. Who wants to join me?

34 thoughts on “I haven’t missed this part at all”

  1. What ever you decided to do good luck. I’ll keep my fingers crossed for you. Me and my husband just decided to strart trying for number 2. I’m feeling the same worry you are what if we wait to long…well anyways good luck to you and Mr.Z have fun trying.

  2. We have officially decided to start trying in late May/early June. We even shook hands on it. No putting it off this time.

    So, we could be pregnant together! Which means I’d probably bug you with questions since you’ve been through this before, and you probably wouldn’t want that.

    Anyway, good luck. I’ll keep my fingers crossed that it happens just the way you want it to.

  3. ummmm – shusi! and alcoholic beverage(s) of choice. I’m in!

    BTW – best of luck with whatever you decide/do.

  4. Best of luck to you Zoot!

    It was a long road for my little girl to get here too, and for personal reasons, I know I have to stop with her. It was a hard decision to make…one that fair, is it right, will I regret it later, will she resent being an only child? you probably know the thought process. But in the end, I know I am making the best decision for me, my husband and my little girl.

    But until you DO get knocked up again, I will happily indulge in copious amounts of raw fish, lunch meat, unpasturized cheeses, wine, beer and all other alcohols..and when you DO get knocked up again – I will eat and drink for you!!!

  5. Crap, I meant to add that I’ll be sending good vibes and all that, but I hit ‘post’ right as I realized it and now my last post makes me look like A COMPLETE ASS.

  6. Please let me know how the copious amounts of sushi are so that I may live vicariously through you all.

    I took my first HPT on Tuesday and found myself staring at a plus sign. Then, I went to lunch with a friend at a Japanese restaurant (planned before my discovery). My other discovery that day is that I don’t like Japanese food when it isn’t sushi.

    But back to you – it sounds like a “when,” not an “if,” question. I think “when’s” are easier to answer. Then again, I eloped and am pregnant 3 months later. Obviously I live by, “now.”

    You’ll know, Zoot. You listen to yourself, write, reflect, share, and are obviously very in tune. You’ll know.

  7. Well all I ask is that you don’t get preggers between now and either of your NOLA trips. πŸ˜‰ okay so maybe you won’t be in a few weeks….we can have hurricanes and walk through the Quarter. After your run of course!! I will be sending good vibes that when it does happen everything is smooth sailing!! πŸ™‚

    On a totally side note, we are pretty much the same age and I am worried that I will NEVER get the chance to have a baby….or at least try. But that is a single gal talking. πŸ˜‰

  8. Good luck! I too have endometriosis. We used Clomid to get pregnant with our son and then were told don’t worry, just start birth control pills when you are ready. Well, that chance never came, as by the time he was 4 months old, I was pregnant again.

    Having them very close together is difficult in the beginning, but it ends up so rewarding! They are now just shy of 4 and 5 and absolutely a joy!

  9. You know you don’t have to ask me twice, right? Do they have bar service at Nikko?

    Dude, at risk of exponentially increasing the TMI factor, our cycles are totally synchronized. Freaky!

  10. *raises hand Horshack Welcome Back Kotter style*

    I will so join in! Alcohol and sushi are some of the things I do best!!

    I wish you nothing but the absolute best of luck in trying for another baby.

  11. Oh, Honey, just the best of luck for whatever comes.

    I’ve just left behind my traitorous uterus, all full of fibroids, polyps, and adenomyosis, but I’m still grieving the treacherous, pain-bringing thing. You know, because of the No-More-Babies life sentence.

    But I treasure the one I have, and the “good” news was that pathology showed this was exactly the right thing to do, and that no more babies were coming from that womb in any case. And that my abdominal cavity was still clean from the micro-excision surgery 6 years ago, which is a miracle, so I’m able to have HRT, which I wouldn’t if the endo had come back. Small blessings.

    But I do thank my wretched uterus for that one sweet child it gave me. That alone is more than I deserve from life.

  12. What? No one has made a joke relating that missing sock to a method of birth control? I would make the joke myself, but I am sadly, not good at making clever jokes. But I am sure someone out there is!

  13. I am guessing you want to wait to get pregnant IN the summer so you won’t be all big pregnant IN the summer. Therefor avoiding ass/boob sweat.

  14. Good Luck.

    I have been where you are and it really sucks. Even though I have 4 I have had to go through alot to get pregnant.

    I look at it as good though because when I was younger and trying to join the Navy I was refused on the medical because I had to many “girl” problems. They deemed me infertile.

    phfft! Navy ! So there!

    Just think of all the fun of trying! Take a nice weekend alone together somewhere. I am sure you could use the break.

  15. Good luck!
    My wife and I ‘waited’ to start trying for #2. Henry is now 2 and my wife is now 38. We thankfully had no trouble the first time, but we’ll be crossing our fingers this go ’round I think.
    We’ll think of your ovaries if you think of ours (well, my wife’s)!

  16. I want to join in on the pregnancy watch. Not join in on your pregnancy. I am planning on getting pregnant Feb 2nd. Quite the planner I am, don’t ya think? Good luck to you, and keep at the running, I have a feeling you will run right into LilZBaby2

  17. “I need to enjoy the time I’m not pregnant by drinking copius amounts of alcohol and indulging in platefuls of sushi. Who wants to join me?”

    I do, I do…oh wait, I can’t I’m pregnant.

  18. Well yay for getting your period again, I suppose! And here my boyfriend is,also cheering when I get my period, but for completely different reasons. hehehe.

    I’ve never had kids, but I worry about that stuff in the future too ’cause I also have similar problems to you. I think my mother had similar problems to you as well, as she could never have another child after me. I don’t know where I’m going with this, but I just wanted to say that no matter what happens, I hope things work out. I guess you could always just stop with protection and let whatever happens, happen?

  19. Good luck with your next baby-making attempt! Endometriosis is insidious stuff. It stole my ability to conceive when I was still in my 20s. Thank heavens for adoption. πŸ™‚

  20. Having no kids at all take my advice for whatever you want or ignore it. I say eat sushi, have alcohol, snuggle and …..

    ….maybe it will be the last time you eat raw fish and have alcohol for 9 months….maybe not….

    ….but it will be fun!

  21. *big hugs* As one that has dealt with medical issues on the road to my wonderful son, my heart goes out to you. For whatever it’s worth, I think the second child will happen when the time is right [if it ever is right], and no matter of planning or hoping for babies and pregnancies during certain months will change any of that.

    However, as one who just heard her husband say [very enthusiastically] for the first time this weekend that “Yes, we WILL have more children”…my assvice would be to “jump” MrZ has soon and as often as possible. πŸ™‚

  22. Ooooh, good luck!

    And enjoy the sushi and booze. And lunchmeat. And peanuts, if you choose. And the ENERGY of being not pregnant and not nursing, and being able to eat what you want without worrying about the little one inside.

    And enjoy it for those of us in the peanut gallery counting the days until we can too!

  23. I do! Filet americain here i come (or steak tartare, as wikipedia calls it).

    I’m trying to get pregnant also, my future first child and i’m also worried it won’t work out. No special reason though, just fear for the sake of it.

    Life is a funny thing isn’t it? Just two years ago i was like: Children, Hell NO! and today i’m cursing te arrival of my damn period.

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