If you just look at a picture of me right now, you might not know how big of an “issue” I have with food. I am only 5ft 2in, and at one point post-LilZ, I weighed 187lbs. That person? Obviously had an issue with food. Because it is a daily (hourly? minutely? secondly?) struggle, I don’t weigh that much today, but I am trying my best to get back to pre-pregnancy weight. As of Saturday? It was only 5lbs away. Then? We celebrated Father’s Day, and NikkiZ got sick, so I got stressed and tired which means I had to COPE. And I have a hard time COPING with ANYTHING without food. So, what did I eat yesterday?
Breakfast: A chicken biscuit and hasbrowns from Chic-fil-A. Remember – I quit eating meat at the first of the year.
Lunch: A smoked salmon sandwich, not so bad. FOLLOWED BY: A large Reese’s Peanut Butter Blast from Sonic
Dinner: Oh, Lord. I don’t think I ate a real “dinner.” I had some (read: A LOT) Deli chips from Target, part of LilZ’s turkey croissant, a Little Debbie Swiss Cake roll from a gas station, a pack of crackers and a cereal bar when we got home around 8pm. HEALTHY.
Where am I today? I am now SEVEN pounds from pre-pregnancy weight. In the big picture? This is not a big deal. But if you’ve struggle with keeping your weight at a certain point anywhere in your life, you understand that backtracking two pounds can be a death sentence to any diet. You get depressed and hate yourself and kinda think about just giving up. And it sucks. Two pounds quickly turns into ten and you find yourself going backwards quicker than you can say “One large bean dip to go, please.”
Note from 2020: I have deleted dozens of these stupid entries in the blog cleanup, me obsessing about my weight. I decided to leave this one just to document how obsessed I used to be. For the record? I currently weight 50+lbs more than I did the day I wrote this entry and I don’t obsesses about food or my weight anymore. It’s a much better world to live in.