About Me, Thing 2

I’m a Master Braider (HEE!)

When I was nine years old and learned how to french braid for the first time, I became obsessed with hair. I would play with anyone’s hair who would let me, since I only had short hair on my own head. I had of those giant doll-heads that you could put make-up on, but her stupid hair plugs were a disappointment and made ugly-ass braids. Barbie Dolls? Same thing. And my brother wouldn’t let me near his head. Damn him.

When I went to high school, I discovered a pool of girls who NEEDED their hair braided before sporting events. Before long? I was the go-to girl mornings before volleyball games (I played volleyball! did you know that?) and basketball and softball and soccer and…pretty much any activity that there were girls who had long hair participating in. I was the best in town because I could even get some short hair into braids, and my braids? They held like I had used super-glue on the strands. I was AWESOME.

It was fun for awhile, and they always let me do funky things like braid designs into their hair. But, after a couple of seasons? It got old because it interrupted my homework procrastination time before school. I needed those precious minutes to finish assignments I had put off until the last possible second.

(How did I graduate with honors again?)

Years (or “year” I guess) passed and I got preggars with LilZ. Where I was so glad he was a boy because I was scared to have a little girl, I was aware that also took away my chance to have a head of hair at my disposal to braid and style. So, I did the next best thing: I tormented my friend’s daughters’ by forcing them to let me play with their hair.

They all say now prayers of thanks because I finally have a daughter of my own who I can torture. And last night? I subjected her to her first style by me. Granted, it’s just a clippy that I took out the second the picture was done because all I need is a sick baby choking on a barrette to make my day complete. Either way – it was a first step of what is bound to be years of misery for NikkiZ since we all know that because I’ve been waiting for that hair for SO LONG, she’s going to hate it and want it all chopped off before she’s old enough to say, “Get your effin’ hands of my tresses, woman.”

15 thoughts on “I’m a Master Braider (HEE!)”

  1. After two boys I finally have a girl to “torture”, granted she is only five months old and lacking hair, but it is fun!

  2. My wife seemingly had the same aspirations with my daughter as you do with NikkiZ. Only our daughter was almost bald until close to one, and by three she was starting to try to do her own hair, and now (at six) she has already reached the, “I’ll do it myself” stage, leaving mom, with brush in hand, searching for somebody elses hair to braid.

  3. OMG NikkiZ looks so “old” (for a 8 month old baby, that is)!
    Damn you for making me crave babies everyday!

  4. I am SO coming to visit you. My girl has LOTS of hair, and you can play all you want…

  5. I also love playing with hair. I am lucky enough to have a little girl with a head full of long, curly hair. I am not lucky enough to have that same little girl enjoy me playing with her hair. She always takes her bow-bows out. Like this morning, I put her hair in pigtails (so cute!) and by the time we got to my mother-in-law’s she had already pulled one of them out. She’s two and I still haven’t been able to talk her into leaving her hair alone.

  6. My mom learrned to french braid the summer I was 7 or 8 and we went on a family trip to Opryland (I live in Kansas) in a 15 passenger van with another family. I spent the whole damned trip sitting indian-style in the floor board in front of her while she held my hair like reins. It sort of decreased my excitement about the new mad skills when I got the killer headache and motion sickness.

  7. I too am an avid braider. I still do my own hair. Growing up I would do all my cousins hair. There was alot of girls in our family. We are all grown up now and they al complained about me making then look oriental becasue I pulled thier hair to tight. But for the record there hair didnt move for days or so it seemed.

  8. NikkiZ is so adorable. My daughter is 7 months and I HAVE to do her hair or it hangs in her eyes. Either that or her 1st hair cut. I’m not ready for that yet.

  9. I wish…despite her Japanese heritage, her deadbeat father evidently forgot to include his Asian Afro into the gene pool, and my poor 10mo has virtually no hair. I blame it entirely on him.

    HOWEVER – I found the cutest little hair accessories for little girls, all handmade, and they actually stay in the four wispy strands she has: http://www.giddygiddy.com – to die for cute.

  10. I used to drive my mother insane. I’d sit in front of the tv and braid (french, reverse french, french up instead of down) or twist my hair until my arms went numb. I always tried to style it after Deanna Troi on Star Trek. I’m a looser.

  11. I’m totally incompetent with french braids. Which is weird because I can pinchbraid extensions in, no problem. When my hair was long (waaahh…) I LOOOVVEEEDDD getting it french-braided, because it always looked so nice and neat. But nobody ever wanted to do it for me, because apparently I’m a violent, tenderheaded pottymouth, or something. Pffft.

  12. I’m jealous. My sister can do those superglue french braids too. Mine fall apart after 5 minutes. I french braided The Princess’s hair for the first time the other night and my husband actually said “It looks like her hair was in a fight”. You’re welcome to come down this way to do some styling!

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