I’ve mentioned before that I have this habit of buying new calendars halfway through a year and rewrite birthdays and appointments in it because after six months, the one from the first of the year looks too ratty. All of the times I rushed to jot something down or cross something off? Makes the calendar start to look “ugly” and I can NOT have that. Note from 2020: Bullet Journaling changed ALL of those tendencies!!! Well, it was that same “thing” that made my favorite studying technique in college involve re-writing my notes in a neat, color-coded fashion to “help” me study. This was handy during my quest for my Biology degree because chemical formulas or cellular processes require gobs of flow charts and arrows and it’s no wonder the subject was so appealing. It made owning 20 pens in 20 different colors understandable. I guess it’s a combination of my love of pens, writing, and neatness that causes these type of neurotic behaviors in me.
This “thing” also made me want to keep a diary growing up. (That, and Harriet the Spy.) The idea of a blank journal that I could write my deepest darkest secrets in (I think Ryan L. is soooo cute. I wonder if he’ll ask me to go with him?) was so appealing. However, I never trusted that my stinky brother wouldn’t read it, and the thought of rewriting everything if it got messy was daunting, so I never got a good start. Don’t get me wrong, I bought dozens of blank journals to use, but I never got very far before giving it up. I couldn’t continue to write in a journal that may have had a few words crossed out on previous pages, or that my handwriting didn’t look nice enough, so I would just put it away and try again when I was able to start over in a brand NEW journal.
(Writing this out makes me realize how neurotic I am.)
But now? Have you SEEN the cute blank journals at Target? God. It is enough to make me want to drop this blog and try to write a journal again. Some of them are soft, some are shiny. Groovy colors and thick paper. *drool* But, my same “issues” exist and after it got too messy, I’d have to supress the urge to “start over” by rewriting everything, and who wants to do that? So, I resist the glittery covers and the ribbon decorations. I resist the oriental embroidery and the crisp blank pages *double drool* and I just keep writing in this damn thing.
BUT – not all hope is lost. Who asked for one of those groovy polka-dotted journals to write “stuff” in last night? LilZ! He was just as pulled by the potential those blank pages had. He said he might use it to write some of his stories in. He could have said he was going to write about how much he hates his mother and I would have still bought him as many as he wanted. Of course, it’s probably a trait he’ll curse me for passing down to him in the years to come, but if it helps justify me buying those cute blank notebooks? I’ll feed it like wildfire for now.