That shit hurt like hell. I’m telling you – that was the worst dentist visit I’ve ever had – and that includes all of my orthodontist visits from my teens. COMBINED. My jaw is still sore from keeping it open for two hours straight and my headaches from the hour of non-stop drilling. OW.

But – I have a temporary set of teeth made of acrylic. The same shit I would have on my nails if I went for a manicure. That totally freaks me out, for some reason. I’m incredibly humiliated from the entire dental experience and kinda just want to pretend that I was born with these pretty acrylic teeth and that there is nothing different about my smile today than yesterday. MrZ doesn’t understand why I’m so insecure about it – but I am – who the hell knows.

The entire top half of my face was numb for HOURS. My lips were chapped from the ordeal so I had to look in the mirror to apply chapstick since I couldn’t feel my lips. Watching myself apply chapstick but not being able to feel it? Cracked my shit UP for some reason. I just kept laughing at myself, which made it worse because I couldn’t move my top lip so laughing made my face look all contorted and goofy which made me laugh harder.

And then I yelled at myself for laughing at myself because, Dammit! I’m insecure. Quit laughing at me.

Okay – maybe I overdosed on novacaine and am now officially insane. Or maybe I’m just tired and totally dreading part two of this whole experience. Part one sucked donkey ass – and that may be an understatement. What’s worse than donkey ass?

10 thoughts on “Ow.”

  1. OK, so why wasn’t LilZ videotaping this chapstick episode so you could upload it to YouTube? The rest of us need a laugh, too!

  2. Couldnt they have done sedation?

    Forget that crap…knock me OUT!

    Funny story- my husband had his wisdom teeth cut out a few weeks ago and while his mouth was still numb he went to lunch with an employee.
    The employee had driven him to the Dentist and heard the instructions, one of which was to eat liquids or mushy stuff until the numbness wore off.

    Not my husband…he ordered STEAK.
    He was chewing and chewing until his employee said “dude you have blood coming out of your mouth”
    He had chewed the inside of his mouth all up!
    he thought it was the steak he was chewing!


  3. Donkey dicks?

    I’m an ENORMOUS wimp when it comes to dental procedures so I was wincing for you, reading that. I’m so sorry it sucked so hard, but am glad you’re on the road to permanent teeth!


  4. Oh man I feel for you. I just had a tooth pulled a few weeks ago and my jaw still hurts when I yawn. I hope your feeling better soon.

  5. Okay just so we don’t think I lack sympathy:
    I hope your mouth feels better!
    But seriously, let’s get down to business:
    How long do we have to wait to see pictures?

  6. So, did ya drool when you laughed because your jaw was numb? Not that I would know from first hand experience or anything.

  7. hey, you’re lucky- my mum has to have all her teeth out to be replaced next week- and she wont have any teeth for a few weeks!! haha. so don’t feel so bad!!

  8. Once again, I know I am posting this waaay late, but I had to. A couple of years ago I had my lower wisdom teeth pulled. They knocked me out for the procedure. Anyways, I am constantly applying chapstick to begin with, so while I was in recovery, I decided I would apply some to my lips as they were terribly dry. I start rubbing the chapstick on what I thought was my lips until my mom (designated driver) started laughing her ass off…apparently I was actually rubbing chapstick on my nose! I was so numbed I couldn’t feel a damn thing! My mom, saint that she is, ended up having to apply my chapstick.

Leave a Reply