Zoot’s dental background: I was born without permanent replacements for my eyeteeth (the two teeth on either side of my two front teeth). When I lost the baby teeth, since there were no teeth to replace them, the other teeth scooted over to fill in the gaps. This gave me several sexy gaps between all of my top teeth, which mandated orthodontic interference. (So did my massive overbite, which had me wearing headgear both day AND night in Junior High. I was DAMN SEXY.)
When I got braces, the goal was to move the teeth back where they belong to make room for fake eyeteeth. They put the fake teeth on a temporary bridge and glued the bridge to the back of my two front teeth. This bridge started falling out a few years ago, whereby providing me with several humiliating blog entries. There is a $3000 procedure that could give me a permanent bridge, but two insurance companies have already denied me coverage.
For some reason, when the bridge pops out (making me toothless and
ruthless. Humiliated), I am able to pop it back in and it stays. I have no idea why this works, but it does and I’m grateful because it pops out ALL THE DAMN TIME. The last cementing I got only lasted four weeks before the bridge came loose again. And if you’ve never spontaneously lost your two eyeteeth – then you don’t know the humiliation, so you’ll have to trust me. It’s really damn humiliating. It has popped out while I’ve been talking to people; it’s fallen into my plate of food during dinner, and its simply fallen out in my mouth while I’m doing nothing more than sitting. Minding my own damn full-mouth-of-teeth business. There is something incredibly demoralizing about having to scramble to find two of your teeth in a plate of rice at your favorite Mexican restaurant.
Where we are today in Zoot’s dental realm: I’m getting new teeth!
We finally worked out a payment plan with our dentist and I go to the first of two procedures next Thursday. They have explained it to me several times, but each time I only care about one thing: “I won’t be stuck between procedures without teeth, will I?” They have reassured me dozens of times that when I leave the office after the first procedure, I’ll have a temporary bridge (with teeth) that will last me two weeks until I go back for the permanent bridge. There is a chance it could take six weeks, but I’m hoping for two.
If the two-week mark holds solid, I’ll have new (and permanent for all practical purposes) teeth on April 6th. I’m thinking about scheduling some time with corn-on-the-cob, overcooked steak, gobstoppers and bubble gum to celebrate.
Here’s my old smile document it!