About Me

Guilt Issues

I just wrote a really long entry about how all these things are going great in my life, my skin is clear, I lost another pound, my son is getting good grades, etc. But then I deleted it all because I felt like I sounded kinda like a snotty bitch. How sad is that? I think I actually felt GUILTY when I saw how good my life was going written out in word form and wanted to delete it all because I felt so bad, like I don’t deserve that much goodness in my life. There’s a part of me that will never feel like I deserve anything good, much less, EVERYTHING good at one time. And since life is good to me right now, I felt like I definitely don’t deserve to BRAG about it. Jeez. Who do I think I am?

I jokingly blame my guilt issues on my Catholic upbringing because that is cliche and everyone “gets” it. But I really don’t know where they came from, I just know that they are very much a burden to me in every way. Guilt issues are funny because I find myself feeling guilty for bitching about feel guilty. And then? My brain explodes and I curl up in the fetal position and start mumbling about fuzzy socks.

(Why fuzzy socks? Who knows.)

There is just a large part of me that still feels so bad for mistakes I’ve made in the past, that I can’t quite allow myself to completely enjoy the good in my life without part of me waiting for the other shoe to drop. When something negative does happen in my life, there is always a part of my that says, “Well, yeah, it’s because you were an evil bitch that one time and…” See? Sicko.

My point? There are a lot of things I’m really happy about in my life right now. Unfortunately, there’s also a lot of Krazee left in my mind that won’t let me blog about it. See? Sometimes I like to hog all the krazee and keep it to myself.

23 thoughts on “Guilt Issues”

  1. Well as much as I’d like to say brag on sweet momma you deserve it… there might be one tenth of a percentage in me that might just want to punch you in the throat and say quit bragging! Ha! But that would be a fleeting momentary thought and then I’d go back to loving you again (in a non gay non stalker way). But I’m pretty sure 99% of your readers would love to hear you brag. Then we could all get I ♥ Zoot tshirts and like start a fan club or something…

  2. I am slowly but surely letting go of the whole guilt thing- I mean, I don’t think that’s why were here on earth- to be miserable. It doesn’t make sense. I love to read about other people’s good fortunes and happiness! Please- make me happy!

  3. Hey, if your past evil bitch times have not prevented great goings-on in your life, then there is hope for me! Yay hope! Boo guilt!

  4. The doctor is IN.
    I think you don’t want to brag because bragging sucks. Nobody likes to spend time with/read the blog of a bragger. But when you delete the upbeat my-life-is-awesome posts, you deprive us of the possibility to be happy for you.
    So find some balance. A good indicator is this: If your post reads like one of those sugary butterflies-and-dollarsigns Christmas letters, don’t post it.
    Now I will go work out my own issues. Fuzzy socks!

  5. I usually avoid giving advice (especially unasked for!) but I have something to say to you.

    We all deserve happiness, especially when we work so hard at it, as you do. I have no idea what your evil bitch moments were, but unless they included the taking of lives, you need to stop feeling guilty for being happy.

    Why in God’s name wouldn’t you be happy? You have a great husband, two gorgeous kids, a cute little house, a job that suits you (I never even heard of a map geek until I started reading you) and a family who thinks you’re the greatest thing since sliced bread.

    So lighten up on yourself! Repeat after me; I deserve to be happy. I deserve to be happy.

  6. Ah, I can totally relate . . . the guilt and the other shoe falling and the fuzzy socks. But, I’m happy that your happy. Everyone deserves them some HAPPY!

  7. take the below paragraph, remove the words in [ ]s and that’s me, baby!

    There is just a large part of me that [still] feels so bad for mistakes I’ve made in the past [, that I can’t quite allow myself to completely enjoy the good in my life without part of me waiting for the other shoe to drop]. When something negative does happen in my life, there is always a part of my that says, “Well, yeah, it’s because you were an evil bitch [that one time and…” See? Sicko.]

  8. Because Fuzzy socks are so entirely fabulous. ๐Ÿ™‚ That’s why.

    Actually, it’s like you just crawled inside my brain and wrote down all my neuroses. I have messed up feelings on guilt and bad luck and deserving bad things, etc and so forth…. So I guess we can just enjoy the KRAZEE together then. ๐Ÿ˜‰

  9. Girl, there are definitely some bloggers who tend to sound like braggadocious bitches when they parade their good fortunes out there for everyone to see. But you? Are so not one of them. You are totally down to earth, sweet, and deserving of every good thing that comes your way. If we all got exactly what we deserved based on our past actions, I’d be like exiled in a Siberian gulag right now. Just appreciate the good things when they come and tell your residual guilt to go, um, make sweet love to itself.

  10. You are SOOOOO allowed to brag as much as you need to. As long as you also bitch about the bad stuff sometimes, too. See? Balance. And fuzzy socks. What?

  11. Don’t worry about hogging all the krazee. I’ve got more than my fair share. I completely understand feeling like when bad shit happens you deserve it, and when good stuff happens maybe you shouldn’t say anything about it, lest you “jinx” it. (What’d I tell you? Plenty of krazee over here.) Nobody likes a braggadocious bitch but I’m sure all of your faithful readers (who keep coming back for a reason) would love to hear about when things are going good for you. Enjoy!

  12. I know whatcher sayin. It’s also diff for me to talk about good stuff. People just don’t really want to hear it sometimes and I’ve been so conditioned not to brag. I have a friend who brags all the time and I try to channel her when I need to say something good about myself. That seems to help. ๐Ÿ™‚

  13. Oh yeah. This is about the great eternal, universal balance. Everything good is balanced out by something bad. When something good happens, something bad happens to balance it out. It’s the waiting for the bad that is hard.

  14. Oh how we have all been (are still) there. It is amazing how easily we can sabotage our own happiness by just THINKING. Post happiness we love happiness!

  15. I’m not Catholic, but this post describes my attitude as well. Except for the fuzzy socks part (not that there’s anything wrong with that. just don’t mumble to the fuzzy socks and you’ll be cool.)

    Don’t feel guilty about your great life. Be grateful. I think I would throw a party if I suddenly had clear skin.

  16. Ahhh… the guilt again. It’s the CURSE of being a woman. It sucks. But, Zoot?? YOU do deserve all the happiness in the world because I said so, and therefore tis true. : ) You must try to enjoy while it is good because you know the first time any little thing happens that complicates your life a little you’ll be beating yourself up over it and wrongly thinking that you deserve it! We all suck at sometime, but you’re one of the most awesome people I know.

    Now go eat a lot of junk food because you’re making me feel guilty about not losing weight!

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