My Reproductive Nightmare

Is that like PhD?

I’m patiently waiting for my period to get here so I can go get all the lab work I need to get done before we meet with Dr. Popular – Fertility Magician Extraordinaire. In the meantime, I’ve had to contact my insurance company to make sure they would cover all of those tests. And trust me, there are A LOT.

At first the insurance company had several questions I didn’t know the answers too, so I had to call back Nurse Michelle (the best nurse on the PLANET) and ask her the questions. She cut to the chase and said, “Zoot – we used the code “R.A.” and “H.A.” on all your test requests, bring that to their attention and they’ll realize they DO cover it.” And Of COURSE I had to ask the obvious question:

What does R.A. and H.A. mean?

“Oh. Um ‘Repeat Aborter and Habitual Aborter.’ We use both.” Michelle quietly answered me, with that look on her face that said, “Hey – I’m sorry – I didn’t make up the terms.”

So, sometimes I’m a REPEAT Aborter, and others I’m a HABITUAL Aborter. I’m trying to decide which one I like the best so I can start using the initials after my signature. “Repeat Aborter” makes it sound like I just love it SO MUCH that I keep coming back. Like, “Hey! That miscarriage was TONS of fun! Let’s do it AGAIN!” Whereas, “Habitual Aborter” sounds like a bad habit I’m trying to break. “I KNOW miscarriages won’t give me babies, but I can’t HELP it, I just want to have MORE and MORE of them!”

I personally think “Repeat Aborter” makes me sound less trashy. Like it’s something I CHOOSE to do because I LIKE it, not something that I’m ADDICTED to. I don’t like being referred to as an addict unless there are copious amounts of mood-altering substances involved.

Miss Zoot, R.A.

23 thoughts on “Is that like PhD?”

  1. Well, yuck. It just sounds so insensitive and foul. I agree, they could and should come up that looks and sounds better than that. Ugh.

  2. Woman, You are funny! If you can’t laugh at yourself, and the letters after your name, what can you laugh at?

  3. Well, my dear Zoot, R.A. you just have to laugh through all this. Because seriously? There’s no other way to keep going if you don’t.

    I met with my RE for the first time yesterday. And even though I’ve had “all the tests” that people normally have…I get to be that rare breed of RA who has to be tested for all the really obscure things. Because if there’s one thing I’m not it’s NORMAL.

  4. Aren’t the terms lovely, I am 99.999% certain a man came up with them. Fortunately, it sounds as though your clinic won’t be using them negatively, regularly, or against you. Wishing you luck as you “kick that habit”.

    cousin of a H.A. R.A. Master

  5. What brash insensitive moron came up with those idiotic abbreviations and descriptions? And can I kick his ass? Please?

  6. I was reading this earlier, and being wicked busy at work I kinda forgot whose blog I was reading and I saw that it said REPEAT Aborter and I gasped and said…OMG who would repeatedly get abortions! Then I saw it was you. And I agree with Heather, it’s a hell of a thing to label someone!

  7. Hang in there. It must be one tough road to travel but an optimistic story – my friend had been trying for a long time and had done all sorts of fertility stuff….and she just gave birth to a healthy baby girl. It takes some tryin’ sometimes but I can’t think of anyone who deserves it more. I will keep sending positive zoot fertility vibes…..

  8. I love your sense of humor. Sometimes it’s the only thing to get us through the dark times, isn’t it?

    But hey, I’m not sure which I’d rather be labeled: one of yours or “grossly obese.”

  9. I love your humor, but this one made me cry for you… hang in there, we’ll help hold you up. Even through tears. 🙂

  10. Hey, at least they only use the initials and don’t say the entire thing out. It still sucks to be branded with those not-so-nice titles, but at least they’re not saying the entire thing out loud to your face every single time. You could just pretend the R.A. means Resident Assistant. Like in college dorms…

    And Nurse Michelle does sound like a really great nurse – she tried not to hurt your feelings while informing you at the same time.

  11. I’m typing this anonymously because I am not public with my own struggles, but let me tell you. Girl. The terms used for infertility are HORRIBLE. Incompetent cervix. Azoospermia. Premature Ovarian Failure. Inhospitable uterus. Hostile vagina. They are horrible, and just make you feel awful. But if this doctor is worth his salt, you’ll feel better about all of it soon.

  12. Those are some terrible-sounding terms. Glad to hear that insurance is going to cover your tests though. I had blood drawn this week for my first round of tests, so I’m wishing us both luck!

  13. Oh hey, I forgot to say I like the new skin! I’m still waiting for that “looks like official business” skin you promised me for avoiding getting caught reading at work though. 🙂

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