I received a notice (A NOTICE!) from the local public library saying that LilZoot had TWO overdue books out and they needed to be returned ASAP. I called him immediately and was incredibly irritated because he said he returned ONE and just didn’t bother to alert me to the fact that the other one was missing. He tried the “maybe I only checked out ONE” technique to which I shot down IMMEDIATELY because I remember him bringing home BOTH books. He said he has searched High and Low and could NOT find the elusive book ANYWHERE. He SWEARS!
To which I said, “Fine. But YOU are paying the penalty with your OWN money and if I find that book in your bedroom somewhere, where you’ve SUPPOSEDLY looked EVERYWHERE, you’ll be grounded FOREVER.”
I was a TAD flustered and frustrated and did a lot of mumbling to myself. A LOT of mumbling. And shaking of the head. And heavy sighs. I’m BIG on the heavy sighs. They’re my fave.
But do you want to know a secret? I have an outstanding library book still out from when I was eighteen. Yep. EIGHTEEN. I checked it out my first year in college (I was doing a paper on E.B. White) when my boyfriend drove me to the library (I had no car) to get it. But I ended up dumping that boyfriend and no longer had a ride to RETURN the book. So, instead of asking someone ELSE to drive me (that would be WAY too logical for an 18-yr-old) I INTENTIONALLY lost the book to DESTROY THE EVIDENCE because the library kept sending me horrible letters asking for their damn book back.
Soon after, I moved from that town to attend college 80 miles away. I considered myself in the clear and hoped my crime would never be discovered. It’s now TWELVE years later and I’m back living in the SAME town. And I’m scared to DEATH to step foot anywhere near that library. Even though my name has changed TWICE since then, I’m just SURE they’ll track me down and charge me like ninety MILLION dollars in overdue charges.
Note from 2020: I am a proud patron of the library and actually currently have 7 books checked out. They never found me! HAHAHAHAHAHAHA.
But that won’t keep me from grounding LilZoot if I find that book in his room. You watch me. Hypocrisy is my M.O. in terms of parenting. Well, Hypocrisy and Bribery. I like to mix things up every now and then.