I spent Easter Sunday with 3 drunk Easter Bunnies, 1 Drunk Chicken, and a partridge in a pear tree. Can you say that? I think not. Okay, so I was kidding about the partridge…
So, there I was, Easter Sunday at Turner Field, about to see my first ever professional baseball game. D had bought the tickets for the three of us, as well as my mother. My mom, is a die-hard Cubs fan. My husband? A die-hard Atlanta Braves fan. There we were, settling in after batting practice, enjoying Turner Field in all its glory, when I turned around and saw…
THE EASTER BUNNY! Woo! And he had candy! It is SO my lucky day!
Then, I realized, there was not ONE, but THREE Easter Bunnies. THREE! Turner Field was obviously going all out to help the fans celebrate Easter. THEN – I saw a man in a CHICKEN costume too! I immediately pointed them out to LittleZ. He got very excited. Keep in mind, he is nine. He knows there is no Easter Bunny, but he still savors the excitement. D and Grammy were both expressing interest as well. Then, the unthinkable happened.
Easter Bunny #1: Do ya think we should get a beer now?
Easter Bunny #2: Yeah – lets do that before we sit down.
Chic: WOOOOOOOO!!! BEEEEEERRR!!
My Brain: Shit. Dammit All To Hell. Shit.
Yesirree folks. These Easter Bunnies and Easter Chicken were not brought to you by the kind event staff of Turner Field. Nope. These were 4 grown men, acting independent of any organization, wearing Easter Costumes to an Atlanta Braves game. I had a funny feeling these bunnies were NOT going to behave like the ones at the mall do. Little did I know…
As the Drunk Easter Icons settled into their seats IMMEDIATELY BEHIND OURS, I started discussing their presence with the nice lady in front of me. We were observing that there may be some children permanently traumatized by the beer drinking Easter Bunnies. I fear we may have been predicting the truth more than we realized.
For the next 7 innings of the game (the last call is in the 7th innning) the Easter Icons got more and more intoxicated. There were hoards of young women approaching them to have their picture taken. This simply added fuel to the fire. There is something about Drunken Holiday Characters, they are suckers for the ladies. The Jumbo-Tron Camera Men/Women found their video-gold in the form of these idiots. The 4 of them were being shown on the Jumbo-Tron every commercial break, it seemed.
At one point, a family came by, and handed their small baby to one of the Drunk Bunnies. Drunk Bunny was holding fragile baby in one had, and full beer in the other, while IdiotMom and IdiotDad took their picture. Yep. I love letting strange, drunk, costumed men hold my babies. They are ALMOST as safe a bet as police officers in terms of who you want to leave holding your children. Well, police officers and HOMICIDAL MANIACS of course. Stupid parents. Drunk Bunnies. Its always the children who lose when those two meet.
OH – but this was not the last of the drunken bunny antics. These Drunk Bunnies (oh, I keep forgetting the Drunk Chicken too) were Cubs fans. We were sitting directly behind left field, which is where Chipper Jones plays. Every time Chipper was in the outfield, the Drunken Easter Icons tormented him with their recital of his failures and with their reminders to the crowd that Chipper’s real name is: Larry. Obviously, Chipper, and any other outfielder, learn long ago to ignore the jeers of opposing fans, so he was not bothered by it. However, Chipper was taken out of the game with a possible injury at one point. Wanna know something? Drunken Easter Icons didnt notice. They continued the EXACT SAME LINE OF INSULTS to Hessman when he was in Left Field. Yep. They continued the Recital of Chipper’s failures, as well as the chants of “LLLAAARRRYYY” to a guy who Was. Not. Chipper .Jones.
Okay, the park officials did approach these morons a few times. I am assuming they tried to hush them up, but it was hard to tell. SEVERAL braves fans threw in their 2 cents to the Drunken Easter Icons/Cub Fans as well, but considering we were getting our asses served to us by the Cubs, our insults could only go as far as the current score board. Unfortunately, the “Excite the Crowd At ALL Costs” crew found these Drunken Easter Icons entertaining and featured them on the Jumbo-Tron in an “Eat as Many Peeps as Possible in 30 Seconds” contest. Lets just say I threw up all over that nice lady in front of me, while watching the disgusting show of idiocy that followed. I’d prefer to forget THAT happened.
But, what capped off the Drunken Easter Icon experience was what happened after they left. Yes, of course they left after the 7th inning because there was no more alcohol being sold. Go Figure. So – the idiots are FINALLY gone. We can enjoy watching the game in peace now. And then, a boy, about 6 yrs old, comes up behind us. He looks frantically around. He then yells, as loud as he can,
“Hey! Where’d the drunk Easter Bunnies go?”
If I NEVER hear THAT again, I think I’ll die a happy mom.