Parenting, Thing 1

Tales of a Guilt-Ridden and Emotionally Unstable Mother

Oh Lord. I am so freakin’ glad its Friday. I am NOT however, glad its a “Driving LilZ to see his Dad in another STATE” Friday. LilZ has been grounded all week. FOR REAL Grounded, not the Mamsy-Pamsy-Groundin’ I usually do where I get SOOO worried he’ll hate me that I spend the entire Grounding Cycle trying to entertain him. Now — of course I can not force the grounding to stick while he is at his Dads in Georgia, so he gets a “free weekend” while he’s there. This does NOTHING for my guilty complex.

Anywhoooo. My point…

Not only do I have to drive 200 miles tonight, in the FREAKIN’ storms, but I have to drive to send my son to his Dad’s where he’ll have FUN and wish he didn’t have to come back to his Mom’s where he’ll be grounded for another week. So, to counteract his imaginary hatred of me, I’ve been all “guess what WE’LL do when your not grounded anymore?” and promising him movies, and toys, and cars, and women. JUST so he wont be sad to leave his Dad’s on Sunday and come home. Because THAT? Is effective parenting…

And you know what ELSE I did last night to top off my qualifications for “Mom of the Year”? While I was trying to be all CoolMom and FunMom, telling him all the things we’ll do when he’s not grounded, I was also trying to do the whole Physical Comedy schtick which ALL 9-yr-old boys love to see their Moms do. You know, acting all weird, Singing Badly and making him laugh by tickling him and stuff.

Okay – keep in mind, I’m ALSO trying to cook dinner at the same time. NEVER shall the two meet again…

So, I put on the oven mitt while I’m singing HORRENDOUSLY, and LOUDLY, and making him laugh. I pull the pan o’ chicken out of the oven and put it ON the stove. I continue my giggle-inducing melody, and try to get him to dance too. So – somehow – the oven mitt touched his face –

AND BURNED THE SHIT OUT OF HIM B/C IT WAS STILL HOT.

I am an idiot. He cried, I cried, and of course I, promised him MORE things after he gets ungrounded so he doesn’t hate me for burning him on TOP of hating me for grounding him…

Yeah. Zoot. She rules with an Iron Fist. Watch out. She’ll TOTALLY ground you, for like 5 minutes, promising you cars and stuff when you are UNGROUNDED so that you wont be mad at her for grounding you in the first place. Because She? Is RUTHLESS.