We don’t say douchebag.


Our family has always been in the habit of making up words or phrases to Goof-i-fy our lives. My husband does it the most often, as he was the one who started adding “-pants” on the end of any adjective to indicate an EXTREME AMOUNT of that descriptor. Like, “That song is crappy-pants.” Or, “You are acting crazy-pants.” It is something we all did for awhile, but it has since faded as various other bizarre phrases take it’s place.

When MrZ started using flickr he started using the word, “Jambo!” as some sort of exclamation or curse word. It didn’t occur to me to ask where that came from until after it had been used for several weeks. When I finally asked he said, “It’s Swahili for ‘Hello.’ Flickr told me. I like the way it sounds.” If you use flickr, you know what he’s talking about. If you don’t – whenever you log into flickr – it says “Hello!” to you in a different language and then indicates what language it is using. MrZ saw, “Jambo” one day – and it stuck.

Of course – as NikkiZ has started developing her language exponentially in the last few months – she started saying, “Jambo!” as well. Usually just repeating it when MrZ yelled it at a video game or proclaimed it enthusiastically when eating ice cream. Unfortunately – that is not the only exclamation she has picked up a long the way.

Now – let me clarify – I am no saint when it comes to cursing. I probably use the word “ass” or “crap” 100 times a day. But – I don’t do a lot of yelling profanities. MrZ keeps his daily language clean, but loses it when driving or watching sports or playing games. Because he is usually yelling his infractions, they are the ones she tends to notice and repeat. For awhile – ignoring her worked. MrZ would yell, “Dammit!” and she would follow suit. We would ignore her and she’d continue whatever else she was doing and never repeat it again. Of course, about a month ago she started experimenting with this. Because she’s evil and recognized we were ignoring her for a reason.

One day – she and I were in the dining room and MrZ was playing video games in the living room. He yelled, “Dammit!” at the television and she immediately looked at me and did the same thing. I ignored her and she did it again. And again. AND AGAIN. Eventually she stopped but I knew I would have to come up with a new technique. The next time he did it (probably five minutes later – the games he’s been playing lately seem to bring out the sailor in him) I said to him, “Daddy – don’t say that. Say, jambo!” So he did. And so did she.

That worked for awhile with most inappropriate exclamations. Of course, she would sometimes correct him, “Daddy! Don’t say that, say Jambo!” but we preferred that over the alternative. Then – one day he called someone on TV a “douchebag.” NikkiZ immediately repeated it. I tried to ignore her because that was a word I thought it best she forget. But no – she said it 10 times. All while looking at me while I was trying my best to act like I didn’t hear her. Finally I broke down and said, “Nikki. That is not a nice word. We don’t say that word. We said, ‘jambo’ – remember?” So – what did she do? She started saying, “We don’t say douchebag. We say jambo.” Over and over and over again. Much better – right?

She is quickly grasping the concept of words we don’t say. Unfortunately, she sometimes assumes anytime someone yells that they are saying a bad word. Last night MrZ yelled at the dogs to, “Hush!” Nikki says, “Daddy – we don’t say that. We say, ‘jambo!'” So – I had to explain to her that “Hush!” and “Be Quiet!” are okay things to say. To which she said, “OH. But we don’t say douchebag.”

No honey. We don’t.

Thank god she’s not in daycare anymore.

I added this picture to this entry several weeks later after seeing this banner at the Knoxville Zoo.

28 thoughts on “We don’t say douchebag.

  1. Well golly wasn’t that funny thanks for making me laugh BEFORE my coffee AND tea today Zoot! Also I am up at the crack (or actually before sunrise) of dawn today because it sounded like a good idea to have my FREE personal training season at 8 because I have an interview (3rd) today at 1130! I am not really regretting it but wow do I talk a lot when I have nothing to say and the caffeine isn’t in me yet.
    Have a good day!

  2. Texxla says:

    He must be playing Drake’s Fortune on ps3…..profanities have been flying from my living room since my husband started that game!

  3. ha! that is awesome. I have heard some interesting things coming from the four year old I watch like “what the hell???” but lately he just says “good grief charlie brown!”

  4. Over Christmas break my son told my mom to “Shut up!” We were all shocked because we don’t tell each other to shut up. I started worrying about all the eeeeevil TV we let him watch and just where my parenting had slipped. Then my sister figured it out… we tell the dogs to “Shut up!” all. the. time. Those yappy little darlings are told almost every day to shut up.

    I know there are worse things he could say (that I said first), but it is what came to mind first.

  5. Awesome! Totally stealing that trick fo the next time my son repeats the ‘f’ word — something that I tend to scream when I get hurt (which, due to my natural klutziness is more often than I would like).

  6. My nephew found out he was not supposed to drop the eff-bomb many years ago. What he also learned was that it was important to explain to grandma that he couldn’t say eff, eff was a grown-up word, and since eff was a grown-up word that little kids could never say eff. Eff was such a big word the eff should never be used by kids even if they though eff would be ok. Grown-ups say eff but they don’t say eff around kids because then kids would think that eff was ok to say and eff isn’t ok for kids… and on and on and on.

  7. I loved this post!!! Douchebag is hilarious! I taught my niece to say fartknocker and now that’s all she calls people… she’s all “hey fartkocker” to everyone… her parents hate me now…lol

  8. Oh heck…my 4 year old has uttered such novelties as:

    “To HELL wichu!”
    “Dammit all to hell!”
    “Holy shit!”

    and my favorite:
    “Why’s that guy such a jackass?”

  9. Tara says:

    OH MY GOD, that’s hilarious!! Luckily, we have not said the word “douchebag” lately, so our son hasn’t picked that one up. I just hope he doesn’t pick up Daddy’s favorite exclamation when he hurts himself or is really frustrated. . . I don’t think the daycare teachers or other parents would appreciate their kids walking around saying “God f***ing dammit!!” all the time.

  10. Tracy says:

    you are hilarious! i am still laughing…last night i told oliver that our friends were coming over this weekend for football and he said “BOOYAH!”

    the friends who are coming over taught him that word and i guess he now associates it with them.

  11. I don’t ever say ASS around 2-year-old R. But yesterday, she was holding a gummi reincarnation of Swiper the Fox, turned him over and said, “Look, Mom. ASS.” What do I say to that? JAMBO IT IS!

  12. Eliza says:

    Kids! When mine was about NikkiZ’s age she would shout “fuckin’ azzhoe” everytime she heard a car honk–or while pretending to honk the horn on her plastic ride-on car. I blame her dad. Now’s she’s 15 and says “fucking asshole” very deliberately.

  13. Cindy says:

    LOL! Yeah… my baby, who is now almost 14 was famous for repeating things. We lived in a 2100 sq ft house. Just her and I… bedrooms on opposite corners. One night in the middle of the night she scurried all the way to my room in the dark and climbed in bed with me and I didn’t know… UNTIL… my 15 lbs Siamese decided to jump on my head! I heard this little voice repeating what I had said… “Stupid effing cat!”… she said it three times and I almost DIED! I just rolled over… and didn’t say a work. Thank God she forgot that one by morning! Thanks for the chuckle!

  14. that is the best story ever.

    i used to be a theater freak in high school, and i would listen to the les miz soundtrack constantly. my little sister (who was about 8 at the time) would sing along at the top of her lungs because one song contained the words ‘shit’ and ‘ass.’

    sneaky devil, she knew she was getting away with something.

    and now my 3 year old niece walks aroung all the time going: “we don’t say asshole, do we mommy? no. we don’t say asshole.”

  15. Emily says:

    This has to be the funniest post I’ve ever read. NikkiZ is HILARIOUS! I want her to come have lunch with me too!

  16. AHAHAAA.

    I can’t breath.

    Honey, we don’t say douchebag, we say jambo.

    There’s a story in my family about my brother falling down a small stairway when he was 3 or so and screamed out “OH SHIT!” (only, more like sch-thit, as only a small child can say)
    Then there was a couple of seconds pause. Followed by

    I guess that’s when my mom figured out she was swearing too much. Lol.

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