If you’ve been here awhile, you know that the first Twilight movie came out around the time my Dad was diagnosed with cancer. You also know that I loved the books, and very much looked forward to the movie. Welp, I enjoyed it greatly and ended up seeing it SEVEN TIMES in the movie theater as I was looking for casual escapes during my Dad’s time in hospice. I remember thinking often, “I need to get away. I need to forget that this man I adore is leaving me. I need to forget everything. Where’s Twilight showing?”
Well, when I’ve had a stressful day/week/month/year, I still turn to the Twilight movies for reprieve.
These last few weeks have been harder than usual. With school presenting a massive challenge for Wesley, the chaos around starting our first year doing double sports, and the normal insanity around living between two states while helping my Mom…I’m turning to the movies once again for escape. I was beyond frazzled when I finally made it to Knoxville last night and turned to them immediately. (It doesn’t help that I’m also missing my friend this week who adores the movies as much as I do.) I’m guessing I’ll finish them all during the next few inevitable sleepless nights. I AM NOT ASHAMED. (Or at least, not more than a little bit.)
There are a few things like that in my life, things that brought me peace or solace in tough times that still carry irrational amounts of power to soothe. I have a stuffed Ewok from childhood that I still break out when things are really hard. And like the Twilight movies…IT WORKS. It calms and and helps pull me out of the spiral of worry and anxiety and pain.
Unfortunately food is one of those things too. Yesterday was definitely a day I relied on food too much for comfort. And not good food either. Not good in terms of health OR taste. I relied on the binging of convenience store food which my stomach is now paying for. BUT IT WORKED LAST NIGHT. Which is why today I’m continuing my Twilight movie marathon.
I’m just struggling a bit, I guess. And I’m turning to the thing that has brought me comfort in the past: Twilight.