I have this term I use – “The Universe” – when I’m referencing some sort of spiritual or karmic power that is guiding things, or can explain events around me. Sometimes I do it satirically like, “The Universe has a twisted sense of humor,” but sometimes I do it seriously, “I think the Universe is trying to tell me something.” It’s basically a word I use to replace “God” but it’s not really a fake word, as I do have a feeling that there is some sort of energy connecting everything everywhere and that those connections can create beneficial circumstances due to the energy they wield.
I’ve been thinking about this a lot lately as I reflect on my life right now. I lost my job in February and then in early April my Mom has a wreck having a seizure and can not drive for six months. She needed to go back to work but didn’t have the type of expendable income it would take to uber everywhere and, well, I was now jobless. It’s like The Universe had a plan.
And it’s not an easy thing to explain, my beliefs, because it’s a mix between spiritual and physical. I do believe that if I put good into the world, good will come back to me. And this is something I believe on a scientific level. Good energy creates good energy, just like bad energy creates bad energy, so I surround myself with what I create. And then sometimes I just use it not to reference something I really believe is connected, but to allow for something magical to be interwoven into weird coincidences. I just like the idea that there was a fabric of something connecting my Mom’s accident to my availability, so I say it was “The Universe.” I mean, it just came at the PERFECT time…so why not take advantage of it? I’m helping her with small tasks and getting rid of things that were too big for her to deal with. I’m helping drive her around and whatever else she may need around the condo.
And then…”funnily” enough…this all came at a time when there was tension in my family over my inability to let go of some aspects of raising small children versus raising older children. Donnie thought the kids were ready for some changes that I was letting my guilt keep me from doing. You know, small things I was still doing for them because they WANTED me to and because I have Mommy guilt and tend to project my own insecurities on to them and so I KEEP DOING THE THING EVEN WHEN MY HUSBAND IS TELLING ME IT IS TIME FOR THEM TO GROW UP A LITTLE BIT.
Welp. Problem solved. Half of the week now I’m not home to do the thing for them. They’re now doing TONS on their own. And while that Mom Guilt part of me is sad, the rest of me is so glad that The Universe forced my hand because I knew Donnie was right, I just couldn’t allow myself to let go.
It really doesn’t matter what you call it, does it? Sometimes it helps knowing God has a hand in the chaos, sometimes it helps just giving a name to the chaos, and sometimes it’s just the unknown that seems so serendipitous that it needs a powerful attribute.
Whatever you call it? I’m rolling with it for the next 6 months and finding the silver lining in the chaos and calling it whatever feels right.