In case you missed it, we got bad news yesterday. I normally don’t do a “Previously On Kim’s Blog” link but I don’t normally post at night and I’m worried this entry might seem a little…whatevs…with my casual mention of my miscarriage and I wanted to make sure you saw that I did give the news an entire post yesterday.
I hate the word atheist. I feel like it implies I don’t believe in ANYTHING. When in reality, I just don’t believe in God or gods. But I do – in many ways – believe in SOMETHING. My own kinda something, I guess. My own faith in the power of good. The power of love. The power of kindness. The power of friendship.
This is why I wholeheartedly believe in the power of prayer.
A lot of people weren’t sure if I wanted prayers when I said I needed you guys. I made sure to let them each know – I believe more in the power of prayer as a non-religious person than I ever did as a practicing Catholic.
And that’s because I believe in the power of good.
I believe when someone prays, or when someone simply hopes for something good for someone else, or when people just think positively — then positive things happen. Everyone was praying for my pregnancy to to last, and it didn’t. But I still believe the prayers worked because – from the moment I knew the baby had no heartbeat – I felt loved. Because while those prayers were not answered in the way we all hoped, I still knew that you all had prayed for it and I felt that love in a very sad moment.
So – what I do believe is that if there are 100 people praying for good in my life, then good will enter the universe around me in some way. Like feeling loved, even when I’m drenched in the sadness of a pregnancy loss.
I don’t believe any prayer is wasted.
I pray myself. Quite often. Just not in the way a religious person might. But, I do focus my thoughts and my energy on good things and hope dearly for positive results in the lives of those I hold dear. I hope my friend who is stressed finds peace. I hope my friend who is sad finds joy. I hope my friend who is lost find direction. And I truly believe that – if I think about those people enough in my life – good will find them. They will feel the positive ripple of my thoughts/prayers in their lives. Maybe not in the way I imagined, but in some way.
It’s simple, what I believe, really. That if I put positive energy out in the universe in some way (good thoughts, prayers, smiles, hugs) then that positive energy will surround me as well as those I’m thinking of.
So, yes. I always accept prayers. Especially now. I welcome prayers with open arms. I believe wholeheartedly in the good that prayers can do. And while I may not believe in your God or your Church, I believe in you. And your prayers still reach my heart and I hope you know how much that means to me. I hope that you know that, even though I don’t believe what you do, I value your prayers as deeply as someone who sits next to you in church. I hold them dear in my heart and embrace them when I’m feeling the weight of my sadness. Those prayers in my heart hold me up so I don’t collapse under the pain. So I thank you from the bottom of my heart for all of those prayers.
And please know that I pray for you too.