Stupid Shit I’m Scared Of.
“Scared of” is probably not the most accurate phrasing. I should probably say, “that cause me anxiety” but if you have normal levels of anxiety, that doesn’t seem like a big deal. For someone like me – where my anxiety can be debilitating – things that “cause me anxiety” could translate to “things I have nightmares about and refuse to do for indefinite amounts of time” so I prefer to say they make me “scared” because it seems a tad bit more accurate in normal conversation.
Which is why I say I’m scared of left-hand turns. And that’s one of those things I can totally function a fulfilled life without. Especially with Siri giving me directions. If she has thrown me into an unprotected left turn, I just ignore her and either go straight or turn right and make her adjust. Boom! Life without unprotected left turns achieved!
There are other things though which I’ve had to face while taking care of my Mom who can’t return to driving yet. I have to do stuff for her that causes me extreme anxiety and you are going to LAUGH YOUR ASS OFF at the list.
Like yesterday. I WENT INTO A LIQUOR STORE ALL BY MYSELF AND BOUGHT HER VODKA. I had been putting that errand off for a whole week because I was terrified. I’ve driven her to the liquor store before, but never did it myself. Part of the fear relates to my driving anxieties because her liquor store is in the Costco parking lot and that place makes my BP shoot up because it’s a madhouse. So I found a different liqour store in a more Kim-friendly driving location. And then I took a picture of her bottle because my social anxieties made me scared of looking like an idiot and not knowing where to find her vodka. And then I braved it and you know what? It wasn’t so bad! I was a big girl!
But now I have to get her oil changed. In Huntsville I take my car to the dealership and I know everything about how that works. But here I take it to one of those Express Oil places and I am SO NERVOUS. I don’t want to do it but I have to and I’m scared! What if I screw it up and embarrass myself?
I know this all seems pretty silly but when anxiety makes you feel sick and scared like there’s a homicidal maniac waiting for you around the corner, it’s a tough corner to turn…even if it’s easy for everyone else.
I made the oil change appointment yesterday but then she got sick and I had to go get her from work. So I made a new one today. Finger’s crossed that I’m a big girl and get it done without having a full-blown meltdown.
(Also, these impending errands – and others like delivering paperwork to her neurologist – are the reasons I’ve been binge-eating all week. So that’s great, too.)
WISH ME LUCK DOING BORING STUFF YOU DO EVERY DAY!