There’s always crap going on in my life I don’t write about for various reasons and it sucks because writing is how I process things. I have written drafts I’ve never published (Oh, the draft folder on this blog is EPIC) but it doesn’t always help without the wisdom you all give me.
ANYWAY. Some of this crap has trickled into my life in ways unexpected. I’ve not been writing as much on social media in general lately and I think I’ve figured out why. It’s because awhile ago I wrote something on Facebook talking about some bullying my daughter was experiencing (Facebook is safe for more personal stuff as I limit my Facebook connections) and someone took that opportunity to message me privately using my status as an impetus to proceed to tell me how my involvement in another situation was actually me condoning bullying and they just couldn’t believe that ME OF ALL PEOPLE would do that.
The details of this are unnecessary, I’m confident I’m not condoning bullying in any situation, but the point is: Someone took something personal I wrote and twisted it around as an attack and it just shook me.
And lately? I’ve been filled with self-doubt because of this.
How much do I share anywhere? Am I strong enough to open these wounds to the world and then sometimes have negative fallout? I am very open about my struggles in many areas but maybe I shouldn’t be? Maybe if someone sees those vulnerabilities and realizes those are great places to attack, maybe I’m not strong enough for that?
And it has me constantly doubting anything personal I share lately. I feel good sharing it, but what if someone then says, Oh! Look, that’s obviously a vulnerability. Let’s use that to hurt her.
I wrote yesterday about anxieties and lists and how sometimes putting things on the “NEVER” list allows you to take them off the “WORRY” list and SO MANY of you assured me that you do the same thing and it was VERY helpful. But then, the self-doubt started and I began looking at that entry and my admission of vulnerabilities from the point of view from someone who didn’t care about me, and suddenly I doubted everything and I moved it to draft.
Actually, for a moment I thought about taking the whole blog down.
But this morning I’m fighting that self-doubt because I really would love to hear your thoughts on something.
SO! WE WILL PROCEED! SELF DOUBT BE DAMNED!
My daughter got into a special magnet program here for academic achievement and they try to put some 6th graders from this program in Algebra I. Of course this means they would take Calculus as SOPHOMORES and who knows how many collge credits they’ll graduate with at that rate!
Now, ALL 6th graders in this program are in at least advanced 7th grade math, but some go to Algebra I which is advanced even for 8th grade. So basically she’s already guaranteed to be on an advanced math track, but the placement in Algebra I would put her on an EVEN MORE advanced math track and y’all? I told her I don’t give two flying shits about it.
And that is a direct quote.
I struggle with the idea of advanced placement. I was on an advanced math track and it caused me a lot of stress (I even pushed to get into the honors version of that track) when I was taking Calculus as a Senior – A LOT OF STRESS – and it gave me no benefit in the long run. What? It saved me a math credit? Well, I ended up changing my major so many times that I had so many wasted credits that saving me one math did no good.
Maybe if I knew for sure she was destined for a math career – maybe it would help? But I don’t. And I don’t want her to feel bound to any track just because of a test she took in 5th grade. I want her to be challenged, so if they put her in it I’ll support it, but I don’t buy into the need to start college with credits already accumulated. To me? 90% of the college experience IS ABOUT THE COLLEGE EXPERIENCE and I believe she will learn more taking a class in college than in high school. Not necessarily about the subject, but about academics and life and if she’s on a math track, meeting other freshmen on that same track is beneficial and skipping to sophomore or junior level classes as a freshman doesn’t not put you in easy friend-making situations.
So, I’m letting her take the test (I could have asked she not be tested and just be put in regular advanced math) because I want her to be challenged or she’ll get bored. But as she was stressing about the test last night I told her 100 different times in 100 different ways: IT DOES NOT MATTER. If you don’t get into Algebra I? You will be FINE, maybe even BETTER in my opinion.
What are your thoughts on Advanced Placement courses? ESPECIALLY WHEN IT COMES TO SETTING A KID ON A TRACK IN 6TH GRADE. Uggg. I just want her to not worry about college for a little while, is that too much to ask?