zoot

I'm addicted to superhero movies, donuts, craft beer, playing in the woods, and reading YA fiction. I'm a writer by day and a dreamer by night.

Say It Loud And Proud

I got my Lexapro refill notification yesterday and I went to pick it up and the cashier showed it to me and said,”Is this your medicine?” But it hit me: I get generic, I have no idea what my medicine is called. I laughed and said, “Ummm…I actually don’t know what my medicine is,” and then – simultaneously – she whispered very quietly and I said out loud, “Generic Lexapro?”

I joked with her that she probably shouldn’t give a woman her medicine that doesn’t know what she’s taking and she laughed and said with generics NO ONE knows what they’re taking anymore!

But you know? I’ve gotten my prescriptions filled there for a decade and they NEVER whisper anything. They say out loud, “Blah Blah Antibiotic is your prescription?” or “Blah Blah cough suppressant?” or “Blah Blah Pain Meds?” loud and clear. But my Lexapro? They take it out of the bag and SHOW IT TO ME. And then when she had to say it out loud she whispered it.

I’m not blaming her, of course. I look at it as a sign that we have SO FAR to come in society and separating shame from mental health. Hell, I am still dealing with so much shame I could write a book about it. So many people came out and told me they were taking Lexapro when I first was prescribed. When I publicly said I didn’t think it was working, several people told me they take 20mg. Did I know any of these people were taking it before? NO. I even found out I had FAMILY on Lexapro and I never knew!

So, here I am. Kim Zoot who takes 20mg of Lexapro a day. This dosage is DEFINITELY making a difference (10mg did NOTHING) although I still have some extreme panic-triggered lows I worry about, my daily normal is definitely above that “Hates Herself and Can’t Breathe From Anxiety” line which is SUCH A GOOD FEELING. All this means is that the serotonin that everyone’s body produces to make them feel BETTER and CALMER, mine doesn’t get reabsorbed as fast anymore. Mine sticks around a little longer than it used it. If you don’t need an SSRI maybe your seratonin naturally stays around longer, but me? My body makes it and then takes it back WAY TOO FAST. This is all chemical and nothing to be ashamed of.

And I have to tell myself that daily because I still am battling my own demons of disappointment and shame. But my alarm goes off at 8:30am and I proudly pop a pill that has helped me breathe again.

6 comments on “Say It Loud And Proud

  1. I am so glad that you are feeling better! My Prozac has certainly enhanced my life and I never worry about telling people I take it. Like you I understand that my body doesn’t manage brain chemistry well and am happy that there is a medicine that works!

  2. There is absolutely nothing wrong with taking something that fixes what your body isn’t doing quite right. Some people do seem to think that you should rely on your body to get it right, but honestly it just doesn’t always. I feel about those people the way I do people who are all-caps about something being ALL NATURAL. You know what else is all natural? Poison ivy.

  3. okay- here we go- Effexor made me sick, so diid zoloft- so the drug of choice is Effexor- 150&75 depression, buspar 3 times a day- anxiety, 25 Adderall once a day ADHD, and Ambien CR at bedtime I can get to sleep- but will wake up several times a night, or wake up and stay up for an hour or so- The longest was 5 hours- then had to go work in childcare!!!!!!!!! I am open about all of this- just ask. I need all of these to be functional, to be able to drive, to s;rep, to socialize and not constantly interrupt conversations with my 2 cents, and to not have panic attacks every time I see a motorcycle, or drive over s bridge, or just be. And everyone thought I had it so together- I do- it’d just drug assisted. I know 3 children that are on antidepressants. Once since she was 2- Necessary and the right thing to do- absolutely in all 3 cases.

  4. Honestly, I think the pharmacist should probably be discreet about WHATEVER meds a patient is taking. But you’re right, it’s so weird that medication is somehow “shameful” when it’s for your brain. I’m damn GLAD I live in a time where I can take a pill (or two) that helps my brain work the way it’s supposed to.

  5. Before SSRIs my family tree is top heavy with alcoholics and drug addicts. I’m pretty sure it was just the only way available to them to try and feel better because the DNA strand that controls brain chemistry is broken in our gene pool. I find it incredible to believe that we have “lost” the alcoholic gene in my tree since there are very, very few over indulgers now in my generation. Instead, I think we’ve all discovered that various SSRI meds take care of our brokenness.

    That’s why I laughed out loud when my grandmother once mentioned that all of her grandkids were on some kind of med (we were talking about it at Thanksgiving or something) and that it was something wrong with the “new generation”. I said, “do you think that grampa and all of his brothers were alcoholics for the fun of it?” Vodka and cocaine were the SSRIs of their time.

  6. I’m new on Lexapro too! Only in Canada, it’s called something else, but I can’t remember because when I Googled it, I used the American name to get more results.

    I’m glad it’s working for you. I’m on 10mg working up to 15mg. This post gave me a bit of hope, which is hard to come by these days.

    It’s all just chemical! No need to say it quietly.

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