I had a real dilemma on Sunday. Someone brought me my dinner to my table and there was cheese on it. This was tough because A) I hate to waste food and B) It’s been so long since I had dairy that I was TERRIFIED it would make me sick. So, while I do hate to waste food, I also hate to be sick so I VERY POLITELY sent the food back.
But then…THEN…the meal came back with meat on it. (It was supposed to be a vegan pizza.) And I was SO TORN because…ACK! Would it make me sick? I don’t think so. And I hate HATE wasting food. But…but…in that moment I just couldn’t do it. I just couldn’t even pick the meat off the pizza and eat around it. I just stared at it on my plate and just thought of all of the documentaries I’ve watched since June and all of the books I’ve read and I just didn’t really want it even on my plate.
And y’all? THIS BLEW MY MIND.
If you had stopped me an hour before and said,”Your vegan pizza is going to have pepperoni in it tonight. Are you going to eat it?”
I would have said Hell yes! I can’t waste food! That’s awful! Anyone who wastes food sucks! BOOOO!!!
But I Could. Not. Do. It.
It was the WEIRDEST thing. And I fought myself over it all night. Should have forced myself to at least pick the meat off of it and eat around it? YES. I really felt like I should have done that. But I just couldn’t. Will I try again next time? Yes. I think next time I could think about this moment and how I felt SO GUILTY about it later and try my best to overcome it so as not to waste the food.
But will I be able to? I don’t know.
Either way – it was a REALLY interesting experience. While I know this is my lifestyle now, it feels right and good, I don’t ever think of it as too extreme. But I did something Sunday I’d never do…I wasted food…just because I couldn’t get these documentaries about factory farming OUT OF MY HEAD. And part of me is kinda proud of that, because that means this is a real commitment I’ve undertaken. But the other part of me was angry at myself because COME ON…DON’T WASTE FOOD YOU STUPID ASSHOLE.
It was just weird. And shocking. I think next time I could force myself to pick the meat off the plate (couldn’t do it with the cheese, obviously) and just remind myself that intentionally throwing out perfectly good food is worse than factory farming…but who knows if it will work? I think I could easily do it with fish. I’ve eaten fish in a few situations where I didn’t have other vegan options because – while fishing can have it’s terrible sides too – I have an easier time overlooking that than with dairy/eggs/meat. There’s HUGE flaws in the fishing industry and the environmental impact is terrible, but I don’t have these horrible pictures of salmon suffering and living in pain like I do with traditional meat sources.
Any other herbivores (remember, I hate the word Vegan) or vegetarians have those type of dilemmas? How did you handle it?