(And another reason why I probably need a therapist.)
I feel bad saying I’m “dreading” the marathon this weekend because I feel like that might have not focused the “dread” on the right place. The “dread” is with the ROAD, not the RACE. It’s the same reason why my midweek running has fallen off track COMPLETELY. I hate running on the road now with the passion of 1000 burning suns.
And here’s why…
Lately I’ve been stressed.
(I know! SHOCKER. It’s all I talk about anymore. I AM SO SORRY.)
But stressed about specific thing…like E finding a new apartment or being COMPLETELY broke. About Wes and his persistent bad behavior reports. (BUT WE GOT A GOOD ONE YESTERDAY!) About trying to sell our stupid house. (We have a contractor making repairs! Sometimes. They should have been done last week! They’re no where close!) About my life…my job…my diet…my socks…you know…EVERYTHING.
And for some reason, when I run on the road, my brain focuses on Each. And. Every. One. Of. Them. And this wasn’t always the case, which is why this stuff is always on the CHEAPER THAN THERAPY category. Because – usually – running in my therapy. But lately? Not the case.
On the trails? I’m too busy trying not to die. But on the road? It’s like I spend the entire run focused on the things I’m stressing about and the fact that – in many cases – there’s NOT ONE THING I can do about them.
I don’t know why it’s gotten worse lately, but I think it’s partly to do with running so much by myself this summer. But I noticed during a long run on the road a few weeks ago, even when I’m running with people I’m still stressing about stupid stuff in my head. I listen to podcasts…music…books on tape…and still…every step keeps me in my head wrapped up in the stuff that’s stressing me out.
I’m not sure how to fix that – but THAT’S why I’m taking so many selfies on Saturday. Not because I’m dreading the RACE…but because I’m dreading my brain stuck on the road for 26.2 miles. So! Selfies should be a great distraction! Plus – E found a new apartment (He’s still broke. Double rent the month of December doesn’t help.) and Wes did well at school and I got some good news at work yesterday…so all of those things will ALSO help keep me from being trapped inside my head.
Any of you guys every had those kind of issues? And I’d run trails EVERY DAY if A) It wasn’t a 30 minute drive to get to the mountain and B) I had people to join me. I’m still too paranoid of falling and breaking something to run by myself.
So! I recommend that everyone to do Rocket City Marathon – I didn’t want my “dread” to be mistaken for “dread” towards the race! It’s just my own mental problems.
I do NOT recommend those. They’re never fun.
I’m also open to any other fun distractions you can think of for me on race day! I’m excited to have people volunteering on the course to pose with along the way!!! I’m hoping to see people I know EVERYWHERE. And I’ll owe them all $5 for contributing to my own personal Road Running Therapy.