In my younger – teenage – years I had my dates with depression, and as an adult my psychological burden is more of the Anxiety variety. But – at no time – have I ever been medicated for either condition. There are several reasons for this.
Firstly – I look back on my teenage years and think I probably could have used some medication. Or maybe some therapy. But psychological and emotional problems weren’t talked about as openly then, so I never told anyone about my suicidal ideations nor my cutting. Although, I didn’t call it “cutting” then. Hey Kids! I was a cutter before cutting was cool! I also had a pair of jeans with the all of the lyrics to ‘Stairway to Heaven’ written in sharpie on them! Those two things are hopefully not connected.
My point? I was a mess. And I didn’t get medicine or therapy and somehow I survived. So, when my anxieties get really bad I always think, Well…still no worse than your teenage years…and you survived that without assistance, you can survive this.
Secondly – I know people who really need the medicines and the therapy. And I often feel like my struggles aren’t as consistent or as severe as theirs are, so I probably don’t need medications or therapies. Right? Because, isn’t it always accurate and recommended that you compare your own psychological struggles with people around you? Because they’re such easy things to compare! Always apples and apples! RIGHT?
Yeah. I know both of these reasons are probably crappy and completely not supported by anyone in the psychological community, if I ever bothered to ask.
But, lately things have been a little hairy in my head. More so than usual. And I really am not good about talking about that kind of crap.
I KNOW! Something I can’t talk about? WHAT? ME? I’ve talked about my BOOB SWEAT. I’ve talked about crotch chaffing and pregnancy issues of the…um…sensitive variety. I’ve talked about heartbreaking grief associated with my Dad’s deaths or my history of pregnancy loss. All of that and I can’t talk about being depressed or anxious? WHY HAVE I SET SUCH WEIRD BOUNDARIES?
Anyway – I’ve had more moments of stress and sadness lately. More than ever before. And I don’t want to seek help if it’s something I can work through myself, but I don’t know how to delineate that. And even if someone could tell me, “If A and B is true, then you need to be medicated” – where would I go? Do you talk to your general practitioner about that stuff? I just got one a year or ago and that was ALSO the last time I ever saw her. I HATE DOCTORS.
So…YOU talk. Tell me YOUR stories. Did you seek out some sort of prescription to help you with your struggles? How did you know it was time? How did you talk about it? And more importantly – can we get back to talking about boob sweat after that? Because we’re expecting highs in the 70s in the next few days…in the middle of WINTER…I’m expecting some issues with the boob sweat and I’d much rather talk about that then my stupid mental issues that would probably be rectified with a little more sleep and a little less late-night binging.