I hate water.
I hate water. I think it tastes bad. And don’t give me “Water doesnt HAVE a taste!” (MrZoot – I’m looking at you.) Because it does. It is the taste of nastiness. And I do not like it. At All.
And don’t give me “How can you not like water?” (LilZoot – that ones for YOU). The same way you can not like Diet Vanilla Coke because I think that makes you the most messed up person on the planet. Diet Vanilla Coke is the beverage of the gods yet I don’t mock you if you don’t like it – so leave me alone about not liking water.
The thing is? I am supposed to drink water. We all are. Eight damn glasses a day. I can honestly say I dont think there has ever been a day go by where I drank my full 64 ounces. EVER.
And for every ounce of coke or coffee I drink? I’m supposed to drink an EXTRA ounce of water. This is recommended for everyone. EVERYONE. But have I mentioned I hate water?
There are times when I crave it. About once a month – I’ll wake up in the middle of the night in a frenzy of thirst and I’ll
go fall downstairs and grab a bottle of water and chug the entire thing. I am guessing those are the times when I am knocking on dehydration’s door due to the lack of water and sustaining on Diet Vanilla Coke and Coffee.
I also drink water when I work out. But not much. Just enough to keep me alive. But you know what? That doesnt count towards my eight glasses a day ANYWAY. So who cares about that. Supposedly, I am supposed to weigh myself before and after a work out and drink the weight I lose in water. Whatever.
So – that’s my issue regarding this new health kick to prepare for the possibility of pregnancy (having miscarriages makes you want to be the perfect model of perfect health for a perfect pregnancy) – I need to be drinking more water. Anyone have any secrets that can help me? Like “Oh Zoot! Didnt you read the latest JAMA? It turns out Diet Vanilla Coke IS good for you. You can drink as much as you want and you NEVER have to drink water again. Oh- and the same goes for coffee and BEER. Oh – and Cosmopolitans. Yeah – all of them – ten times better than water. And the article said that if you drink them all the time? You are guaranteed a Bill Gates level of successful child.”