I Freakin’ HATE Real Trees

When we bought our house last year, we knew we couldn’t use our older (huge) artificial tree because our ceilings weren’t tall enough. Donnie took that opportunity to INSIST we get a real tree. He liked them so much better…blah blah blah.

We went to get one for the upstairs, putting my smaller (sentimental) artificial tree downstairs. That’s when I learned the first lesson of real trees: THEY ARE RIDICULOUSLY EXPENSIVE. We paid almost $100 for ours last year! And yes, I know it’s cheaper to go chop one down somewhere but the timing issues never work for us. But…BUT…a week before Christmas I saw the place was selling trees for $25 a pop! WHAT? That’s WAY better!

So this year, we waited. We wanted the tree to stay up into the New Year since that is when we’re having company, so we used that as an excuse. Unfortunately, once they put the ($35) sign up, they cut the hours drastically and they weren’t open at night. I went by Tuesday on my lunch break and they were open so I bought the tree by myself. I got it home and with E’s help we got it set up. It fell on me: TWICE. This is the SECOND reason I hate real trees: THEY ARE STICKY AND HEAVY AND CRUSHING.

Donnie came home, investigated the tree in the base, and we decided to leave it up for 24 hours to make sure it would stay up before decorated it. Last night? We decorated it. And for a few hours I thought, Okay. I like real trees. They do look so much prettier.

And then I was reminded the FINAL reason I hate real trees this morning. MY CATS LIKE TO KNOCK THEM DOWN. I had to get it back up again all by myself (HEAVY. STICKY. NEEDLEY.) because I thought Donnie would hate me if I woke him up at 4am just to help with the tree. Water had spilled on some presents and ornaments were broken. Including the one Nikki made this year. *sigh*

And all of this for my husband. Who didn’t have to lug it home because they were closed when he went. He didn’t have to decorate it because we did it while he went running. (He did not object and the kids were desperate to decorate it.) And he didn’t have to beat the cats with flogs when they tore it down and broke some of my favorite ornaments.

THE THINGS WE DO FOR THE PEOPLE WE LOVE. Let’s just say that Santa better bring me Just Dance 3 for Christmas because I have been A VERY GOOD WIFE.


  • Lisa

    AH, I’m with Donnie on the real tree thing! I learned long long ago (from my dad ) to ALWAYS anchor your tree somewhere. We have hooks installed inside our windowsill that we tie the tree to. They aren’t viseable the rest of the year and it’s just enough to keep the tree standing. I also learned that when you have pets, your tree will always look like you have toddlers…no ornaments around the bottom, except for the cheapo plastic ones i purposely put there to amuse them.

  • Tina

    We got our tree at the magical forest of Lowes, for $25, weekend after Thanksgiving. And they’re open nights. I’ve never seen the point of paying $100 for something that is already dead. Sorry it fell on you. 🙁

  • Kim H.

    We don’t use a real tree because they seem to cause allergy flare-ups among all four of us. I love the ease of setting up our pre-lit fake tree; no needles or sap over the floor, no watering required, and once it’s put together and plugged in I let the girls go wild. If I were you I’d hit the after Christmas sales for a pre-lit artificial tree. 🙂 Then the hubby could get a small real tree for himself. Everybody wins!!!

  • Jessica

    I grew up with real trees and I love them, even with their sticky sap and trouble getting them into the base and straighten up! But I don’t have cats that knock them down, so I can’t say I’d love them for that! I just like the way they smell. 🙂

  • Kathleen

    We’re all real all the way here. My husband has the whole setting up thing down to a science, but the big key seems to be GLOVES. And shorter trees. Fortunately my husband is (ahem) frugal, so it’s easy to sell him on a 5′ tree that only costs $35. Too short to fall ON me. 😀

    Also: if you buy the tree at lunch you can totally leave it sitting in the shade for him to come home and put up. He might have to saw the base again, but… it’s his thing.

    Yes, Just Dance 3 for you. Enjoy the happy pine smell.

  • Jen

    I have always had the artificial trees due to allergy issues, but my brother-in-law’s family always gets real. When they have years with little one’s a-foot, they buy one that’s replant-able and set it on a table in the living room. That way, they can still decorate a tree, but it is out of reach of curious toddler hands, as well as the presents (which lay on the table). When Christmas is over, they then plant the tree in their yard. I’ve always thought that was a wonderful tradition.

  • Monica

    I hate real trees, too! When I had my first two cats, they could not leave our tree alone. I had put red ribbon around the tree as garland because it was supposed to be safer for cats. They could find the end on the ribbon, grab it in their mouths, and take off running. It would almost cinch up the tree. They would chomp on the bulbs from the lights. I was at my wits end with those cats and that darn tree. One night I couldn’t get any sleep for getting up and shooing them away from the tree. I had finally had enough and got up and dragged the tree through our apartment, down the hall and into the spare bedroom, where I slammed the door. My now ex-husband woke up and saw the tree moving down the hallway, seemingly on its own and didn’t know what in the world was going on. I don’t know why I didn’t just put the cats in the bedroom. Much easier than dragging an entire tree through a doorway!

  • Operation Pink Herring

    You forgot the needles! The goddamn needles EVERYWHERE. I was vacuuming the other day and I swear to god, I found freaking tree needles from LAST YEAR. I was not at all disappointed that we couldn’t have a tree this year because Hannah’s crib now occupies the space where it’s gone in years past. Finally, living in a too-small house is paying off!