Faith.

I’ve been thinking a lot about Faith. When I was privately suffering from depression as a teen, I had Faith that God still loved me even though I didn’t love myself. That Faith saved my life and prayer saved my life. No one else knew the pain I was in because I gave it all to God and I’m not sure I would have survived without that Faith.

Oh, and I had a terrible fear of Hell if I had killed myself, but that fear doesn’t really provide the nice narrative I need about Faith right now so let’s push that aside until a later date.

But Faith! It saved me.

As I have been without Faith in a God for many, many years now, I’ve been thinking a lot about Faith in humanity. I live in a pretty fantastic bubble of kind and compassionate people. Even if we disagree politically or spiritually, I’m 100% certain I would have friends who would come feed me if I was starving or clothe me if I was cold. I have Faith in those people to help me if I truly needed it.

I also have Faith that they’ll check on me if they think I need it. I’m trying to return the favor and let people know when I’m thinking of them as well, and I just feel like I have created this wonderful cocoon of love in my life.

But then shit happens.

Sometimes it’s a mean thing posted on Facebook about how all Liberals are evil. (I mean, some of us are, I’ve unfollowed many, but not ALL of us.) Other times it’s something global like and act of terror or a celebration of hate. Or sometimes it’s just stupid gossip and drama in my local life. The there’s basic shitty attitudes or bigoted opinions. Other times it’s just my own insecurity. But these things have me question my Faith in humanity and I start to ask myself, “Are we conditioned for evil? Can we truly spread kindness or is evil too strong?”

But I refuse to believe that. I refuse to lose my Faith. I’m taking time today (after seeing a lot of shit this weekend, I’ll be honest) to notice the good in people. The love and kindness. I’m not going to let a few bad things this weekend desecrate my Faith. Because while I saw a bunch of crappy stuff, I also so great strengths of friendship and love and I can’t forget the good underneath the bad. I can’t lose my Faith.

Let’s be kind to each other today, my friends.

One thought on “Faith.

  1. Beth says:

    I am a follower of Jesus. I have begun to say that, instead of Christian, but not that kind. There are churches that are affirming and welcoming, that believe that God loves us , no matter what. They believe that we are to Love God, Love others., end of story.
    It appears to me that your faith was shattered at some point by people in a church. Whether we are believers or not, we have to know our path. Many are not on that path. Not everyone will agree, ever. Some will lash out at your beliefs, or at you. You have put yourself out there by being an activist, therefore making yourself a target. Keep strong. BTW- My daughter, who is just a bit younger than you, is an Atheist. She does however see that some churches are doing great things in the field of helping others.

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