Faith.

The night of the election (this is actually not about politics, believe it or not) we were driving a friend home who we had given a ride to an election night event. We were all discussing empathy and Donnie casually mentioned not having much and I heartily disagreed. To which he replied sincerely to my friend, “What empathy I have, I learned from Kim.” He continued with something else along the same lines and I did my best to hold my shit together and not start sobbing in the back seat of the car.

It wasn’t just that he paid me such a sincere and wonderful compliment, but he did it to a friend and in front of our kids. My friend knew how special that was, she even brought it up a few days later. It was one of those moments that really broke the daily grind of our life and reminded me: Oh yea, we really do love each other.

I’ve tried to keep that moment in mind lately and when I think wonderful things about my husband, I share them. He was talking about something from work yesterday and I told him that I’m so in awe of him, even more than when we first met, and I was pretty in awe of him then. He responded that he’s in awe of me and that he doesn’t see how I do it all some days. It was a lovely moment of us giving each other truly heart-felt and sincere compliments and I was reminded yet again – I would not survive without him.

We’ve had our share of challenges over the past year. And while it seems like I dump all of my personal shit all over the interwebs, I truly don’t. I only share MY shit, but our family, our kids especially, the challenges around those people I simply dance around. Some of you have reached out to me when I’ve asked for guidance with Wesley, so you have some extra insight, but just know that my husband and I have had to be each other’s rocks in ways we never were prepared for when we exchanged vows.

I remember thinking a lot about that when I kept having miscarriages, and when my Dad got sick. You know – in theory – that you’re going to have to be there for each other on the dark days too – but you don’t know how that’s going to look. While I struggled this last year with my depression and anxiety and when I finally got help, Donnie rose to the challenge. And every challenge along the way (as there have been many in the last year) he has risen with me. On the days I am weak, he steps forward and grabs the reigns. And now that I’m stronger…on the days he feels week, he let’s me take control. We recognize each other’s limits and help each other when we can.

2016 has sucked for everyone, it seems. And our suckage is not any more than anyone else’s. But the beautiful, sparkling, silver lining is that we’ve both really awaken to how much we need each other. We’ve stopped the chaos and set aside time for each other even when we had so many other things that needed our attention. We’ve recognized that if things are crumbling around us, we can weather the storm if we have each other and so we’ve doubled down on our relationship and put more into it than we ever have before.

The last month has been really challenging and I think of all of my Christian friends who face trying times and have Faith that God has a plan and sometimes I’m jealous about that. I’m jealous that they can calm their worries with scripture and prayer. But I’m not jealous for long. Because I remember my faith in humanity and my love for my husband. I have faith that he and I can survive anything as long as we have each other.

And for that, I’m the most Thankful.

3 Comments

  • Karen

    Beautiful.

    You are a wonderful teacher of empathy. I can’t say that enough. I know I have struggled with it, and you have truly influenced me in this area.

    I am so glad you and Donnie have each other.

    • Michelle

      Beautiful post Kim. You are a special person and it is wonderful that Donnie acknowledges that and that the struggles you have faced are pulling you closer and not apart. That is a sign of a good marriage and such a great example for your kids. I hope you had a wonderful Thanksgiving.