Everyone Needs Someone They Can Text When They Feel Like Crap

It's not quite Beyonce, so I'm calling him Solange
I’ve talked before about my social anxieties. It’s not something I’ve ever had to treat in any way, other than just avoiding social situations entirely. For example, I’ve stopped going to blogging conferences as the last one I went to had me in such a frenzy that I found myself hiding in the alcove of the conference building for a few hours.

There was also that time that I was invited to my book club for the first time. My book club which I now ADORE with every ounce of my soul. I freaked out for an hour before about what to wear…I freaked out about what to bring, how much to bring…I freaked about what to talk about…and I forced E to go with me. (That’s not as weird as it sounds, it was at his friend’s house and she was going to be there too since we were talking about “Mockingjay”.)

I actually think I use my book club often as that catalyst for pushing me out into the world. It was something I made a decision to do, even though I was so terrified I made my teenage son come with me, and it worked out to be AWESOME in every way possible. The last book club we had? I went straight from a run, covered in sweat. I left my shoes in the car and one of my sweaty shirts on the front porch. That’s how comfortable I am with these ladies now. It was worth all the anxiety.

Donnie has remarked before about how far I’ve come. I have book club friends, theatre friends, boot camp friends, running friends, and blogging friends. If I’m talking about someone I have to clarify where they fit into my life. 2-3 years ago? If I was talking about someone, it was my friend I’ve had since E was a baby. Because she was the only friend I was close enough to for years to actually talk about.

But tomorrow night, I’m have a party that I’ve invited people from all areas of my life to. It’s a party/book club for Jenny’s book, which seems the PERFECT motivation to conquer my social anxieties. Because – while I’ve gotten loads better – I’m still terrified! AAACK. People are coming to my house! The carpets are stained! I didn’t make cake poppers! I never got that one print in the mail that I wanted to hang in that one spot and now it’s blank and it looks weird!

It helps that Lisa and Sarah are hosting with me because I can blame them if something goes wrong. (Just kidding, ladies! Maybe!) But it’s also so exciting…a party! For my friends! At my house! I’ve never done this before. I had an engagement/wedding party for a friend once, but those people were her friends. I had a Harry Potter party once, but I wasn’t stressed because it was mostly kids. Harry Potter! Can’t go wrong there.

This is a grown-up gathering…AT MY HOUSE. I’m freaking out about where to put all of my dining room chairs so they’re not blocking the food on the table. How do I hide my carpet? Which bathroom should I send guests to? (This is always the hard one because most guests hang out downstairs but the bathrooms are in the bedrooms downstairs, the “public” bathroom is upstairs and that seems SO FAR AWAY.) Nervous! Excited! WHAT AM I GOING TO WEAR?

Either way. I’m proud. Some days I’m more proud of my friends than of the miles I’m running. Because – while those miles are therapy in their own way – my friends let me send them crazy emails that say things like, “Tell me why I’m not punching my husband in the face right now?” (Just kidding, hon! I love you!) (Like he reads my blog…) My friends let me text them when I’ve made myself sick from binging on chocolate chip muffins. My friends let me call them to relay funny stories about my son getting Paparazzi’ed because he looks like Harry Styles from One Direction.

In other words? I’ve learned that sucking up the social anxieties and putting myself out there has brought immeasurable joys in my life. I’m still a mess before social engagements. ESPECIALLY WHEN THEY ARE AT MY HOUSE. But I remind myself the joys that making friends has brought me in my life. And that, each time I take a chance, I’m rewarded 10-fold. No matter how nervous I am, how many stupid things I say, or what items I trip over or what foods I spill on my clothes…I still have found plenty of women who don’t hold any of those things against me. Some of them even share the same tendencies. And let me tell you, if you can bond over shared stories of klutziness or embarrassment? You’ve got an instant-friend.

15 Comments

  • Janelle

    I knew the first time I saw you that I wanted to be your friend. Furiously happy for you. I’ll be pretending to wear a red dress tomorrow. Enjoy!

  • Cara

    You’re right; it’s going to be a blast. Something I noticed a few years back that made my husband’s style of entertaining (invite everyone we know, toss meat on the grill and salad in a bowl, open a bottle ofeine andcall it done) easier on me – once your house is full of people only a basic level of cleanliness or decoration is required. They honestly can’t see it for the other people, the party paraphanelia that gets scattered about and the fact that their focus is on one another and you…. Having seen your awesome Potter Party (which I jealously wished I’d attended), I know your party will rock.

  • MrsDragon

    I go back and forth. Every so often I decide I’m going to make friends and I sign up for something new to try to meet people (I’ve lost count). And yet? I’ve made lots of acquaintances. A few people that I’ve invited over to the house for get-togethers. But only ONE person who has ever invited me to anything. Certainly no one that I am as close to as you seem to be with your friends.

    So then I get discouraged and decide to try and foster the few connections I have. I’ll throw a party or invite people to events. I get about a 50% response rate, a good handful of yeses to parties and pretty much all noes to events.

    So then I decide I need to meet new people…

    Le sigh. I don’t know if my standards for “friend” are too high or if I’m doing it wrong. : /

  • heidi

    I’m with Cara – invite a bunch of people, throw food and drink at them and no one even looks at the house. Have you ever noticed the stains on people’s carpets? No? Me either, only on my own.

  • Carol

    I want friends like that…. you can text me ANYTIME with stuff like that. I can’t wait for the party. I’m excited.

  • Fraulein N

    I’m so excited for you! And proud of you! Can you tell by all the exclamation points! I have severe social anxiety, probably much worse than yours (clinical, actually) but you give me hope that it is possible to grow, even after you’re all “grown up.”

  • stace

    very upset to not be there πŸ™ but i love the reason why i can’t be there!! and i love you!!

  • Steph T.

    I’m just jealous that I won’t be there. I’m sure it will be a blast and no one cares how your house looks…well, if they do, screw ’em, they have way too much time on their hands. πŸ™‚ Have a great time!

  • Sarah Lena

    I think it helps when your friend – like me – hates everyone. Except YOU, obviously. I love you. But everyone else? GAH, hate ’em. Well, except the people coming to the party. They’re pretty cool. But everyone ELSE? Stupid heads.

    (I’m crazy excited about the party.)

  • Katie

    So distraught that I can’t be there! But hopefully it will be so much you will do it again soon
    and THAT one I’ll be able to make!

  • Alicia

    First: “Everyone Needs Someone They Can Text When They Feel Like Crap”, made me smile. Just knowing someone like that (you) can make ALL the the difference in the world. πŸ™‚

    Second: Trust . Me. NO ONE will be paying attention to your house except to enjoy the thoughtfully placed items you might have around like Solange. Which by the way is AWESOME!! Honestly, every person there will be so grateful that they there are not at their own house that they had to clean up for a party. So Thank You for that. You are the best!

    Last: Super excited for tonight! I have been so looking forward to it! I need to laugh until I cry. I am looking forward to seeing everyone that can make it, sad about the super friends that can’t, but also excited to meet more “friends of Kim” because everyone that I have met so far and realized that knew you are just super cool (Sarah B., etc).

  • Heather

    You = awesome. Congratulations for all the progress you’ve made. I would totally come to a party at your house, and give you a big hug and a drink πŸ˜‰

  • Mint

    Just letting you know that my wife (Ashley) had an AMAZING time last night and had nothing but awesome things to say about you and your house! So, whatever you are doing…keep doing it and don’t stress too much. It’s working great πŸ™‚

  • Lori

    A bit late but wanted to tell you that I had an awesome time meeting folks at your house – thanks so much for inviting me! You have cool friends!

    (And my apologies to your neighbors for jumping at them with a red mesh chicken as I rang the bell at the wrong house. I said I was sorry). Meh