Down.

I’ve had a rough time of it since my brother and his wife left town. I’ve had excessive somber moments, contemplative escapes, and just a general sense of gray in my life. Partly because I’ve been eating like crap which always brings me down, partly because I miss my brother, but mostly because we’ve been going back and forth between bitter cold and gray rainy days for weeks. The kind of weather that keeps you inside. And when you’re outside you’re either in pain because your face is frozen, or wet because of the rain.

I’ve been in a funk. I felt like crap. There may have been some unexplained crying fits.

Then, Monday night on a run (which I desperately needed to improve my mood), I felt some pain in my right foot. I had felt it a bit over the weekend as well. And then Tuesday I realized my knee was hurting, mostly likely from running oddly to compensate for the hurt foot. I did boot camp anyway, but the knee hurt all night. I woke up this morning, still having pain, so I made the executive decision to skip boot camp.

So…basically I’m completely depressed and can’t do the thing that usually helps: Exercise.

This is the first day I’ve not done SOMETHING (run or boot camp) in a VERY LONG TIME. Every day I do one or the other. And usually I do both 3-4 days a week. But today? I’m doing nothing.

Except feel more like shit, if I’m not careful.

So, I’m down. Down in several ways.

But I’ve been trying to revisit the idea of creating the chain reaction of awesome and I think that this is exactly the kind of day I need to take that idea to heart. Me continuing this too-long pity party? Does nothing but create more gray in the world. We all need those moments, I don’t deny their value, but it’s time for me to shake it off. I’m not making the world more awesome feeling sorry for myself or binge eating at midnight when everyone is in bed.

So today? I’m shaking it off. Or at least trying to. And I’m going to put a smile on my face and be proud that I have changed my life enough over the last year that skipping a day of exercise is a VERY RARE THING. I’m going to make the kids laugh over breakfast. I’m going to kiss my husband goodbye when he leaves for work instead of just rushing out the door simultaneously screaming reminders through the halls. I’m going to sing at the top of my lungs in the carpool lane dropping E off at school because the best way to make a teenager laugh is embarrassment.

Pity party is over. Bad shit may keep happening but it doesn’t have to permanently cloud my view of the world. I hear a rumor the sun is coming out today. It may also snow, but I’ll take what I can get to power me up to spread the awesome.

Or possibly just annoy everyone near and dear to me. Either way…NO MORE GRAY.

8 Comments

  • Teal

    I suffer from the gray days of this time of year too. I either want it to snow or be sunny!! Good luck on your attitude improvement I will try it from here too.

  • StateofKate

    I also totally need exercise to maintain my mood-especially in the winter. How about some yoga on the days you rest your body from the more rigorous stuff? 🙂

  • Heather

    I am SO with you on the down! Between the continued job search, the kid with pneumonia, and the sinking suspicion the pneumonia has taken hold in me too, I’m super bummed. I did no exercise yesterday and ate McDonalds all day. I won’t eat crap today since we’re at home, but I don’t see exercise happening either…

  • Fraulein N

    Good for you! Maybe you could start doing some indoor exercise — like yoga, as StateofKate recommended — so you have something to fall back on when you can’t run or stress your lower body.

  • kdiddy

    I was just recently diagnosed with herniated discs in my neck and it’s really limiting what physical activity I can do. It’s really bumming me out, but also motivating me to do whatever I need to do to get better and get back to where I was with my jogging and what not. Chin up! Get better!

  • G.G.R

    Ughhh I feel you. My back is constant a ‘thing that might happen’ – flare ups that hurt so much and take so long to go away – and it really makes me fearful and because of that, depressed. I haven’t been able to go the gym since November. I’M USED TO GOING EVERY DAY. I’ve become anxious, sad, pissy with my husband and so so so stressed. My eating habits are NOT GOOD anymore. I had an exam today (oh hai, it’s me! Don’t-trust-me-yet-nurse-student!) and I promised myself that come hell or high water or really bad back pains I am going to at least TRY to work out once it was done. I’m scared as hell that it will hurt. I’m scared to see how much my muscles have gone since I’ve pretty much had to be still to not agitate my back for two months. But I am more scare about what will happen to me if I don’t go back soon. Too bad that the fear that I will face tomorrow seems more real than the vague second one but… eh, I can do it. Suck it up etc. Also, dayuuuum girl. You’re an inspiration. So jelly of your fitness!

  • Katy McDonald England

    Kim, I’m not sure if you remember me but I went to elementary school with you (was 5 years younger) and spent every snow day in the lobby of St. Mary’s with you and Chris. Anyway, I randomly found your blog through a pinterest pin and wanted to say hello. It’s so good to see you on the world wide interwebs. I like your outlook on life but I have noticed that you haven’t mentioned anywhere that you are a champion french-braider and you should probably add that to your list of accomplishments. Katy McDonald England