It is 2:42am.
There was a time where I used to stay up that late. But now? Now I’m getting up for the day. While I like this life of mine much better than life back then, I do sometimes look at the clock and say: Cool people are still up from the night before.
It’s sad no longer being a cool person.
(HA! I like the implication that I used to be a cool person at some point in time.)
Being a morning person has a HUGE downside. And that is, it’s hard to convince yourself to “go back to sleep” if you wake up any time after 2:30am because that is too close to your normal wakeup time to make it worth it. I actually woke up before 2am, as Wes had a foot cramp. (Sidenote: First draft of this post said “food cramp” and that made me giggle for some reason.) I told myself if I could get back to sleep by 2:30 then I’d be fine, but the quick remedies of a heating pad and a massage did not work and he wanted to take a hot bath. So, it was 2:15am before I was finally getting him back to sleep.
Go back to sleep in the next 15 minutes and you’re golden!
Except that I couldn’t. I was awake. I had started thinking about what I was going to blog about, and what work I could cram in before the 8am award’s ceremony in Nikki’s class. I was thinking about what I would wear to the Award’s ceremony as Nikki’s second grade class has the most beautiful and fashionable set of Mothers I’ve ever seen in my LIFE. I always feel like a sloth when I’m at events at her school. I started to think about the wet clothes in the dryer (my dryer only dries in 15 minute increments) and the birthday presents that needed wrapping by Wednesday. Fifteen minutes ticked by and BAM! I’m still not asleep. And since I often wake up before 4am, then I was getting close to that hour mark and, well, who can go back to sleep for just an hour?
I find myself staring at a blank blogging screen at 2:42am. I’ve not been writing as much lately as I used to, and I think that’s because more real world people know about my blog and I’m second guessing a lot of my blogging topics in case they’re reading it. Do I want to blabber about the sudden revisit of the sadness over not having any more kids and the anger over having a body that refused to give me the family I wanted? No. My real world friends will think that’s too personal. Do I talk about the 8lbs I gained and how I am so angry at myself and how I watch my husband so disciplined and feel like he is ashamed of me? No. My real world friends will think that’s too insane. Do I talk about the stress I feel that I’m not spending enough time on academics with my kids outside of school?
NO WAY. That’s just boring as shit.
I need to learn how to turn that off so I can write again because I think the cathartic ritual of daily blogging is therapeutic and a lot of my emotional instability lately is due to not having that crutch to depend on. I mean, let’s be honest, just because my real world friends know about the blog doesn’t mean they’re reading it. And let’s be honest again, they’re all my friends because they’re a little bit insane anyway, why would I hide that just because they might pop over while they drink their morning coffee?
I’m going to go back to my NaBloPoMo habits and just write. If I have a topic on hand I want to discuss? I’ll do it. But if I don’t? I’ll write anyway. Not processing my days on this blog is having hugely negative side effects on my life, so I need to just get back into the habit. Even if I’m just writing about boob sweat, it’s something, right?
OH MY GOD. BOOB SWEAT SEASON IS HERE. HATE.
And really, aren’t these random stream-of-consciousness blog entries the BEST?
No. No they are not. I know that. You know that. But at least it’s something, right?
I do want to end this on a few, fun, notes of pop culture.
E stumbled upon Sailor Moon as a kid and I loved it dearly. We only watched the Americanized version we found at Blockbuster, and only the few VHS tapes they had, but we watched those a million times over. We watched them with some of my college friends and E would assign us all characters. I have VERY fond memories of this weird show and I’m so excited that Hulu is bringing the original episodes in all of their weirdo glory back to my accessible reach.
Late Night TV
It is weird how addicted I am to late night television now that it’s hosted by Jimmy Fallon and Seth Meyers. I watched the old Jimmy Fallon show periodically but I do NOT miss his shows now. Of course, I’m watching them at 5:30am when they show up on Hulu – BUT STILL. I adore them! If it’s a guest I don’t care about I might not watch the interview, but I always watch his solo stuff in the beginning. And Seth Meyers – I watch his interviews even if it’s someone I don’t care about because he’s a GREAT interviewer! He interviewed SJP and that Vogue lady about the MET Ball thingy and I was ENGROSSED. It seemed so interesting! What the hell? And he seems so well-prepared, like when he interviewed Eddie Izzard he asked about a lot of the cool things I knew about but didn’t think would be “top” billing on interview questions. Like his 40+ marathons in a row! He did a really good job with that interview. But yeah! Me! A Late Night person now, who knew? (A late night/early morning person?)
A Book For The Favorites Shelf
Are we friends on Goodreads? If so, you maybe have seen my “FAVORITES” shelf that I created. I’m weird about rating books because I feel like 3 means I did not like it so if I even remotely liked it – it’s at least a 4 star book. Therefore, it’s hard to know how MUCH I liked it because I give so many books 4 and 5 stars. BUT! If I put it on my FAVORITES shelf? Then it’s top-notch and I just added The Storied Life of A. J. Fikry to my FAVORITES shelf a few weeks ago. It is SO GOOD. A book for book lovers, for sure! It was an easy read and several things didn’t happen that I expected to happen which I found WONDERFULLY surprising. It’s lovely to expect something formulaic and then BAM! It doesn’t happen! If you’re looking for a nice easy read that is not too saccharine but just saccharine enough? This is it! Check it out!
ALRIGHT THEN. This seems like a wonderful assortment of nonsense for a blog post…MY WORK HERE IS DONE.