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Fluff Piece

I wrote a long entry about the bible and refugees and politics and then I left it in draft mode because I’m rushed and didn’t have time to really go through it to make sure my words didn’t sound insulting to Christians because sometimes it’s easy to fall back into a negative voice when you give up religion in life and I NEVER want to do that. But I’m telling you that entry is there so you’ll hold me accountable because I really do have solid questions about the bible and politics and refugees. I just don’t want to be insulting as I ask them.

SO! Let’s make this a short fluff piece instead.

There’s a documentary out about that race I’ve obsessed over for years near where I grew up. I know I’ve talked about it here, but I watched the documentary finally and it’s SO GOOD. It also has some local peeps from my community in it. If you’ve ever thought the running I do is insane, you HAVE to watch this documentary. It’s about this crazy hard/impossible/dangerous race in the back woods of Tennessee run by this lovely guy who might delight in the misery of others JUST a little bit :). It’s on Netflix and you should watch it and then come back and talk to me about it. You will just be BLOWN AWAY by how insane it is and they picked a good year to film because some years there are NO FINISHERS but this year there was and it was actually kinda exciting and I even knew the results!

So go! Watch it! We’ll talk about the bible and refugees another day.

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Dear Instagram,

We need to talk about this announcement. Maybe I’m not your demographic on paper, but I have had an active online presence since 2004 and I have several different social media accounts including one instagram account that is not even a year old yet but already has almost 13,000 followers. And this change of display order of photos you’ve announced makes me VERY NERVOUS. Let me tell you why – Facebook’s algorithm SUCKS GIANT DONKEY TESTICLES.

I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have gotten vulgar. BUT IT DOES.

I was trying to find a link a friend of my posted on FB recently that showed up in my feed, so I went to her page and what was at the top? A notice of posts of hers I had missed.

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WAIT. Why did I miss them? They were more RECENT than the link I was looking for. Turns out? The link was from awhile ago but it had just shown up in my feed – I guess because it was getting likes? But I had missed pictures she had shared from a wedding and a status or two. But thankfully it showed me that link! God forbid I see pictures of her family when she’s sharing out an article from somewhere!

Do you see what I mean, Instagram? Facebook chose “popular” over what I would really want to see from a friend. Which is pictures of her family.

But you know what? I had actually already seen some of the pictures. Want to know why? Because she put them on Instagram too. And when I use instagram, I scroll down until the last time I looked. Granted, on my personal account I don’t follow tons of people, and maybe you’re trying to cater to those that do, but since instagram is just photos I can scroll down waiting in line at Target one time a day and catch up. And if I haven’t done that in awhile? I know there’s things I missed and I might want to check out my friend’s IG feeds individually.

But with Facebook? You have no idea. You can’t assume you’ve seen anything or missed anything. I had NO IDEA I missed any of Heather’s photos. I do the same with FB as I do Instagram, scroll through in line, or when I’m waiting for photos to import at work and don’t want to bog down my computer, or when I’m lying in bed watching a boring TV show with the kids. Instagram is EASY To scroll through. It requires NO READING so I can quickly catch glimpses of my nephews or my friend’s rabbit or my other friend’s trip to Disneyworld or the Hamilton casts’ trip to DC. It doesn’t take long and I know when I’ve gotten to familiar photos I’m caught up.

I know I haven’t missed anything. Like photos from a friend’s family.

Maybe your algorithm is going to be smarter. Maybe you’ll do a better job predicting “moments we believe you will care about the most.” I hope so because Instagram is my favorite right now. It’s the only way I see my family in Colorado and if your algorithm screws that up I’m going to be really sad.

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Reflective

I'm feeling reflective this morning. Someone like Trump does not rise to popularity in a vacuum. Have I ever fostered…

Posted by Kim Zoot Holmes on Wednesday, March 2, 2016

I wrote that on Facebook this morning and thought I’d share it here. I had been convincing myself that Trump supporters represent small pockets of people who aren’t able to really stay informed about his rhetoric and antics and just see/hear the main things about Making America Great again but his base has grown too wide and there’s no way they don’t know the anger he’s fostering and the xenophobia he’s promoting.

But I have no idea what to do about it. How do I contrast his rhetoric in my own home and my own community?

Let me know if you have any ideas because it’s about way more than voting now. It’s about rebuilding our communities to not fear people of color or people from different religions. To welcome diversity and to support the less fortunate. How do we build that in contrast to what he has fostered?

Also? John Green Retweeted me yesterday and I died a little.

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Hodgepodge Of Insanity

I sat down this morning with so much to say. First, I wanted to talk about how my YouTube recommendation page is ALL Pokemon unboxing videos and videos of people playing video games. Those are Wes’s FAVORITE things to watch right now and it seems SO CRAZY. Watching people open Pokemon cards? Watching people play video games? HE LOVES THEM and I think it’s weird. And also? I’m super bummed I didn’t have the foresight to log OUT each time he used my laptop because now my Google account is all confused.

Then I wanted to talk about how I was in bed sick all day and missed Eliah’s performance at Montevallo and last night was the ONLY night I had this week to see it. I was going to write about how the guilt is literally tearing me up and I couldn’t sleep and I have officially decided I’m the worst mother in the world.

Then I thought I should write about guilt instead. And how guilt is so terrible and how some days the guilt I feel is harder to bear than grief or anxiety or depression. I hear people blame that type of stuff on religious upbringing but I don’t think that’s it. I think my guilt is because I have such intense empathy that I feel the hurt on the other side of my actions vividly so it makes the guilt over causing that a million times worse. I watched his snapchat from last night and it physically hurt me to not have been there. It caused me PAIN to watch it, maybe that’s love combined with guilt.

Then I thought I should talk about the weird illness I had and pontificate a bit over whether or not it’s even real. I’ve been battling my demons more these last two weeks due to some sleep issues and some TOO MUCH TO DO issues and my depression and anxiety have been battling it out on a daily basis over WHO IS GOING TO SCREW KIM UP MORE?! I was convinced I had a fever yesterday, I felt terrible, came home and NO FEVER but I also had no energy, lots of pain, and a general lack of a desire to live. I napped a lot and I think I feel better but now I’m wondering: Was this a physical manifestation of my emotional trauma? I’ve read about that but it’s never happened to me. I’m going to try to be really in tune today to try to keep everything in check.

Then I considered talking about exercise and how my mornings have been too cramped to run every day because I have this new volunteer job and I choose to sort through emails in the morning and it’s cramping into my run time so I got up at 2:30am today in hopes to have time to run. This will hopefully not be permanent, I’m currently editing HTML in an old website but the new website built on a CMS exists it’s just not launched. But for now? We’re talking AT LEAST an hour every morning and truthfully, I’m behind. It’s a sad life I live that I have to wake up at 2:30am to get all of the shit done I need to get done before work. But the alternative is doing it at night and that’s my family time and I need that lately so for now? I’m dropping my running down to 2-3 weekdays instead of 4-5. This is probably not helping my emotional state.

Then I thought about telling you how I recently discovered I can wear kid’s XL clothing in some styles and this has made my life so much better because:
1) Boys athletic pants come with GIANT pockets! I hate pants without pockets or with only tiny pockets.
2) Girls leggings are cuter and cheaper than the ones in the adult section.

Then I was going to tell you about my grand plans for Lent that I totally screwed up because I forgot yesterday was Ash Wednesday because I was sick so now I’m going to STILL do my 40 days but I’m going to start TODAY which seems so terribly appropriate for someone who lacks religion.

But instead I’m just going to leave all of this here. This is all of the stuff rattling around in my brain this morning. I have to pack lunches and I think I’ll have time to run this morning. I HOPE. I need it desperately even with this mystery illness that could be completely psychological.

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What I’m Reading

I’m leaving town today to see my kid who I was supposed to visit on Sunday for his 21st birthday, but the snow and my race changed those plans and today is the first day I could try to reschedule. SO! I’m going to insist you go read some other write-ups from my running friends. These are two more REAL runners who weren’t born athletic and who aren’t fighting for first place when they set out to run. They’re people like you doing amazing things and their words inspired me and I WAS THERE WITH THEM DOING THE SAME THING.

First is from Chelsea who toed the line at her first Mountain Mist on Sunday and her write-up kept me on the edge of my seat AND I EVEN KNEW HOW IT ENDED.

Marty, my friend who was running this station, assured me that I was good but that I needed to HURRY UP. I would need to make up time in this section to make the last cut off. I turned back on to the trail with Amanda, walking with my Waffle in hand. In the distance I heard Marty yell “MOVE YOUR ASS!!” Ha! I smiled a little and took his words to heart. I was about to push myself the hardest I ever had in my life.

The second is from my friend Lindsey who actually opted to tell Part 1 of her story first, which was her DNF (Did Not Finish) from Mountain Mist last year. It’s such a good write-up about DNFs and how you can learn from them.

When I reached the finish line I went straight to the first person I saw with a clipboard to make sure they knew not to count me as a finisher. Then I watched as most of my fellow Grand Slammers crossed the finish line. My empty heart was filling back up as I tried to soak in as much of their happiness and sense of self-accomplishment that I could, knowing that I too would have a Mountain Mist finish one day.

Enjoy the reads and be inspired, I know I was!