Ravenclaw Coffee

I’m Good.

We had a great visit with Wes’s Pediatrician yesterday about his anger issues, we have a plan in place for some evaluations, and I’m just happy to be on a path again. I had forgotten how good it feels to just be doing something. I also got an 8-mile run in yesterday, ate pretty well, and got to meet with my accidental book club (It’s what I call the group of women who have welcomed me since Fate led me to their group 6 years ago at Barnes & Noble) to discuss Homegoing and it was a great talk as usual. Yesterday was all around a good day. Which means feeling like poop for getting about 4 hours sleep is not so terrible.

Ravenclaw CoffeeI’m also drinking coffee this morning out of my favorite mug, AND it’s just a tiny bit chilly outside so I’m excited about that and we have no soccer tonight so I can be home and maybe cook an actual meal for my actual family.

Who am I kidding? It will be cereal while we watch this week’s This Is Us in our pajamas.

I just wanted to check in and let you all know it’s a good day. Monday was rough but your messages/comments/emails reaching out and patting me on the back telling me it will be okay…really made me feel like it was actually going to be okay. So while I don’t have anything profound to discuss today (I am working on things in my noggin’) I wanted to check in and say, “I’m good. Thanks in large part to you.”

Hodgepodge and Miscellany.

Today’s entry comes in three completely unrelated parts! ISN’T THIS EXCITING?

The Follow Up

Thanks for the wonderful feedback on yesterday’s entry. There were a few contrary thoughts on my blog’s Facebook page and I really didn’t have time to dig into them (I no longer have Facebook on my phone) but I will clarify in case there’s anyone here (I care about y’all, I have no idea who follows my blog’s Facebook page.) who needs it.

  • I understand why people are mad. That’s why it took me so long to process my thoughts because my “I love the National Anthem!” self was upset. WHO DOESN’T LOVE THE NATIONAL ANTHEM? Who does’t swell with pride and cry? How do you not want to stand tall for the women and men who fight for us? I think what got me really trying to spend time thinking about it was the #veteransforkaepernick hashtag on Twitter. So many stories from Veterans (a lot of them minority men and women) about why they fight and freedoms etc.
  • I don’t think I could sit with him. My patriotism and my respect for the friends and relatives who have served for our country…it’s a gut feeling. It’s not something I think I could resist. I hear it? I stand. I stand PROUDLY. But then I sit and I read and write to support the changes I think we need to make me even MORE proud. I’m not idle. I’m not content. But my history is not the same as anyone else’s.
  • I know nothing about Colin Kaepernick. Maybe he comes from a long line of rich people who have never been poor. My stories were more general, not specific to him. I’m not going to get into why it doesn’t really matter if a person of color grew up rich or poor because they’re still being judged by their skin color, but I’m saying my “if you get out of the cycle of poverty” reference wasn’t specific to Kaepernick. I know nothing about the dude.

Making Excuses

I’ve gotten a lot of great emails and blog comments during the last few weeks. Ones that really help in some way. Either because they compliment me when I’m feeling shitty, or because they enlighten me in some manner. Either way – I keep telling myself, “When you have some time? You need to find those comments and those emails and reply to them all.”

Because I don’t want to be brief in my appreciation, but I rarely have more than 5 minutes to respond to emails so lately – I only have time to be brief. And those comments and emails just keep getting pushed further and further back and suddenly I’ve waited so long that now I feel guilty and undeserving of the nice words to begin with. So if you’re one of those people? Who knows if I’ll ever respond which sucks because that means you’ll never know how important your words are to me.

What I’m Watching

I just finished watching The Get Down and it was good. In some ways it was AMAZING, but in other ways…UGG. Some of the stories/language were a bit too much for me. But the central story arc, young love and drives to success – I really enjoyed that. I fast-forwarded through some of the other parts, I don’t like a lot of blood and sex and cursing. There also was ALWAYS the expectation that something could/would go TERRIBLY wrong. Even though the 6 episodes had a nice ending I’m still worried about all of the characters and I don’t need TV to make me more worried.

I also watched One Mississippi with Tig Notaro. My love for her is well documented but watching her based-on-real-life story in sitcom form was weird. I was listening to her podcast while some of this stuff was going on in her life so watching it years later after hearing her recount it in real time was strange. I think you might enjoy it more if you didn’t go into it knowing everything. But…is still enjoyed it. It made me cry. And DAYUM, her and her wife (who plays a sound engineer on the show) have some INTENSE chemistry. I can totally see how they connected in real life. I hope there’s more episodes just so I can see them together more.

In Conclusion

1) It’s complicated, I’m aware.
2) I’m sorry I suck
3) Insomnia is better with streaming television

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The Magic Power of Sleep

I woke up at 3:30am with a pep in my step. I skipped book club last night but I made a LOT of progress on some looming projects and caught up on some house work and was asleep by 8:30. Meaning I got a whopping SEVEN HOURS of sleep which is – most definitely – more than I’ve had most nights recently and I fall APART if I don’t consistently get between 7 and 8 hours every night.

3:30am and I’m feeling good! Finally I feel rested and I have time to pack lunches (mostly, not the cooked stuff) before I head out for a 5am run and then it’s Therapy Thursday and then a fun shoot at work and some soccer tonight.

So of course, Wesley wakes up puking.

It’s weird though, if my kids ever REALLY need me to be a calm force and a strong Mom, immediately when I wake up is the prime time to need it. I’d like coffee to be brewing, but for the most part, I’m at my Maternal Best when I first get out of bed to greet the day.

I’m at my maternal WORST at 8pm when I’m really wanting to be in bed.

So I’ve been in Good Mom mode caring for him (he’s also way better at puking than his sister, it always ends up where it belongs) and I’ve got a load of laundry going and I just swept the floors. I hate I can’t go run (Donnie only had 3 hours sleep night-before last working on a presentation for work so he needs sleep more than I need a run) but I’m actually still feeling really good this morning even though I have a sick kid.

I am hoping I can at least get Donnie to go into work late so I can go to therapy. Not because it’s so imperative I go, but because they’ll still charge me even if I don’t since I didn’t cancel 24 hours in advance and I’m nothing if not frugal with my copays.

So I’ll take care of my sweet baby today and hope this stuff doesn’t hit me next. And I’ll bask in feeling RESTED even if I didn’t get to run.

It really is amazing how different I feel when I’ve had at least 7 hours sleep. I know many of you think I’m a wuss for complaining about 5-6 hour nights when that seems to be the norm for the rest of the world, but holy shitake mushrooms, Batman…5-6 hour nights do nothing but make me feel like I’m losing my every-loving mind.

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So Much Miscellany.

A blog post in two completely unrelated parts:

Part 1: We’re Still On A Break

I have been avoiding Facebook since this day. I took it off my phone so I can’t check it constantly, but I do still open it up on the computer once in awhile. I try to do it with purpose: “I need to check that event page,” or “I need to post that status.” The few times I’ve done it, though, a quick scroll through the feed to see what everyone is up to reminds me why I had to take a break. Yesterday, I really needed to unload a parenting trauma so my friends could build me up with some, “ME TOO!” comments. After I did that it only took about 4 seconds of scrolling before I saw a “SHE IS AS BAD AS HE IS!” status about Hillary Clinton and that’s just one that I can’t hang with. Even if she was as terrible as conservative media likes to paint her – (She’s not that bad, as seen in the links I included in this post.) – she’s not as bad as Donald Trump. Right? AND THEN I KEPT THINKING ABOUT THAT FOR HOURS. Which is why Facebook and I are not good for each other right now. I can’t just scroll and forget. I either want to comment, discuss, or MULL FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE.

It’s funny because I’m very good at letting general conflicts go in life. I don’t hold grudges. There have been times where I have honestly had to ask someone to remind me why I disliked someone else. There are only a few things that help memorialize your bad actions in my mind and a good example is Homophobia. I’ve got some homophobic words etched into my memory permanently from casual acquaintances in my life. But in general? I DO NOT HAVE THE ENERGY.

But DUDE…if something bothers me on Facebook? It follows me around ALL DAY. I don’t know if it’s the website itself, or if it’s just political season but I’ll be cooking dinner hours later and think back to one status or comment or meme that hit me wrong. So, it’s a really good thing I’m only scrolling through it about once a day now. It’s hard, I missed keeping up with everyone, but right now it’s necessary to keep me sane.

Part 2: Stuff I’m Loving

Strangers – I binge-watched the show last weekend and LURVED it so much. It was super-scary and had to resign to watching it during the daylight hours, but it wasn’t too “grown-up” like a lot of these popular shows are so it was nice to finally be included in all of the TV talk for once. I let the kids watch it a little bit but they were both a little scared too so neither of them got as hooked on it as Donnie or I did.

Orphan Black – Season 4 – I finally caught up on Orphan Black and Tatiana Maslany is simply amazing. Once again I found myself forgetting she was playing all of the parts. There were some GREAT scenes this season, I won’t spoil anything but the Jesus Christ Superstar performance montage was EPIC and Helena had so many small good moments that I adored as well. Krystal was fun too, and I’m glad we got to see more of her.

Homegoing – I had put this book on my list after hearing a segment of an NPR interview with the author and then seeing/hearing it referenced by Ta-Nehisi Coates at some point as well. I made note of it being a “book club possibility” because I’m terrible at suggesting book club books (although my last one – Everything I Never Told You – turned out good) and then kinda forgot about it. Then I had family share something out about it this weekend and it turns out the author – Yaa Gyasi – is from Huntsville! So, I bought it and started it last night and I’m already pulled so deep into it I can’t stop thinking about it. I think it’s going to be one people are talking about for awhile. Jump in, I say! It’s not easy or light – but it’s rich and deep and painful and thought provoking. I’ll do a full review when I finish.

Chrissy Teigen on Twitter I can’t remember what first brought Teigen on my radar but it was something good because I don’t make a habit of just following random celebrities or models. I curate my Twitter feeds very dilberately and I have several lists I keep open all day. News, Locals, BLM writers, and then I have a “FAVES” list. That list contains people whose tweets I do NOT want to miss. Sometimes because I just want to see all of them and they don’t tweet often (Like the Pope, John Green, Helen Prejean, and my kid) but others just because they’re SO HILARIOUS I must see everything. And Teigen falls entirely in that category. She made fun of something she found where someone referred to the CL in NaCL as “chlorine” and then the internet continuued to not realize she was being sarcastic and it was great. Then there’s her random but spot-on political commentary. But this stuff? This is my favorite.

I just adore her, y’all.

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Random Lightheartedness

I posted something serious with a preface that said: LIGHTHEARTED TOMORROW!

But then I took it down and thought: Let’s do lighthearted today.

  • I just finished season 4 of Orphan Black and I love that show so much. There are moments where the pearl-clutcher in me thinks “EEEK! TOO GROWN UP!” but for the most part it’s tame compared to the other popular cable shows. Tatiana Maslany is a genius and I have said time and time again: You know she’s good when you do not even think about that fact that she’s is playing just about every character in the show. She’s also good when she’s one character imitating another and you pick up on it because she manages to lace some of the imitator qualities into the persona and OH MY GOD SHE IS AMAZING. Did you watch it? Do you love Krystal? What about Helena? WHAT ABOUT THE JESUS CHRIST SUPERSTAR MONTAGE? OMG. So good.
  • I also developed a huge crush on a fictional character this weekend when I saw Ghostbusters. I loved Holtzmann SO MUCH. I watched the original at least 50 times as a kid (it was one of the VHS tapes in my Dad’s office so when we had to go to work with him it was our only option) and loved it dearly and this one was just as good. I lurved it.
  • I’m going through my iTunes music library and trashing stuff I no longer want (It’s a compulsion) and y’all – I went through a Hannah Montana phase I’m not sure I can blame on my children.
  • I need some book suggestions. I want something compelling and light. I read The Husband’s Secret – do Liane Moriarty’s other books that compelling but also not too difficult to read?
  • I was totally geeking over so many San Diego Comic Con reports. My favorite is that Draco Malfoy is going to be on The Flash and it seemed Grant Gustin was as excited about it as I am. I love SDCC and some day I’ll go…IF IT KILLS ME.